Fellas, I need your perspective…

[Studious one]

Thanks you all for all your input, it’s been swell. I want to thank everyone for my first trending thread!!!! @admin lock thread

 

[Studious one]

Damn this shyt still going...OP what happened give us a status

I know! I can’t believe I got a freaking trending thread! So nothing happened, he doesn’t come back until tomorrow, but my sister said she’s done, and they have no way of contacting each other so it is what it is

 

[Taadow]

(Too late, won’t get read)

Your Sister did the most.

The “She paid for the ticket?” thing is petty.
When somebody in your close family dies and you live out of town, people often take care of chit
like that for you because (1) it’s a pain in the ass, (2) it’s the last thing you wanna do when
you are grieving, (3) it comes up suddenly so you might be cramped financially and (4) it’s
a way for somebody to show they are sorry for your loss. I thought this was a universal Black thang,
but I guess not.

Why couldn’t your sister come?

A) Maybe he didn’t want your sister to see him cry.

B) Your sister doesn’t realize (or maybe she does, which is why she was riffing) that that was going
to be the (*bum bum BUUUUM*) “First Time She Meets The Family”…and he doesn’t think their relationship
is on that level yet. I overstand that is kinda an Old School idea, but a lot of us ain’t letting you meet our
Peoplizationz until we think your gonna be Wife Status.

Why he sneaking around?

It ain’t that he “sneaking around”, it’s that he‘s busy.
When you bury somebody - especially immediate family, there’s a grip of things that have to be taken care
of (often on short notice). And because you are a man, people look to you to do it.

- take the death certificate/papers to the funeral home on time
- choose something for them to wear in the casket
- pick up so-and-so from the airport
- write the obituary and take it to get programs made
- find somebody who can do the music and slideshow
- we might run out of chicken for The Re-Pass, somebody got to go to Tha Stow
- Get something appropriate to wear in a church for such an occasion

If a nicca got all that plus more to do in 2-3 days, yet he still taking time in between that to
check in with your ass then that’s a good nicca. It would be easier on him to not call.
Especially since HIS FUKKEN SISTER JUST DIED


His Sister.
OP - this is your sister’s situation.
When something (this situation) happened, who did she call?
Her Sisters.

Now imagine one of y’all just died.
How your sister gonna feel?

Now if this dude (“Joe” lol) was throwing all this extra chit on top of her,
what would she think of that?


I know I know, it’s different…but it’s not though.

Oh well.

 

[maxamusa]

I know! I can’t believe I got a freaking trending thread! So nothing happened, he doesn’t come back until tomorrow, but my sister said she’s done, and they have no way of contacting each other so it is what it is

 

[Studious one]

(Too late, won’t get read)

Your Sister did the most.

The “She paid for the ticket?” thing is petty.
When somebody in your close family dies and you live out of town, people often take care of chit
like that for you because (1) it’s a pain in the ass, (2) it’s the last thing you wanna do when
you are grieving, (3) it comes up suddenly so you might be cramped financially and (4) it’s
a way for somebody to show they are sorry for your loss. I thought this was a universal Black thang,
but I guess not.

Why couldn’t your sister come?

A) Maybe he didn’t want your sister to see him cry.

B) Your sister doesn’t realize (or maybe she does, which is why she was riffing) that that was going
to be the (*bum bum BUUUUM*) “First Time She Meets The Family”…and he doesn’t think their relationship
is on that level yet. I overstand that is kinda an Old School idea, but a lot of us ain’t letting you meet our
Peoplizationz until we think your gonna be Wife Status.

Why he sneaking around?

It ain’t that he “sneaking around”, it’s that he‘s busy.
When you bury somebody - especially immediate family, there’s a grip of things that have to be taken care
of (often on short notice). And because you are a man, people look to you to do it.

- take the death certificate/papers to the funeral home on time
- choose something for them to wear in the casket
- pick up so-and-so from the airport
- write the obituary and take it to get programs made
- find somebody who can do the music and slideshow
- we might run out of chicken for The Re-Pass, somebody got to go to Tha Stow
- Get something appropriate to wear in a church for such an occasion

If a nicca got all that plus more to do in 2-3 days, yet he still taking time in between that to
check in with your ass then that’s a good nicca. It would be easier on him to not call.
Especially since HIS FUKKEN SISTER JUST DIED


His Sister.
OP - this is your sister’s situation.
When something (this situation) happened, who did she call?
Her Sisters.

Now imagine one of y’all just died.
How your sister gonna feel?

Now if this dude (“Joe” lol) was throwing all this extra chit on top of her,
what would she think of that?


I know I know, it’s different…but it’s not though.

Oh well.

The funeral arrangements were completely done by the other sister before he got down there. Good point on the sister analogy. She’s met the family already. My sister wasn’t invited because the ex-wife was going to be there.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

The funeral arrangements were completely done by the other sister before he got down there. Good point on the sister analogy. She’s met the family already. My sister wasn’t invited because the ex-wife was going to be there.

So...him and ex wife divorced because she was cheating. Not sure how close she could still be with dudes fam after that, especially after 3 years. And she's not even local to dudes fam. Ex wife has 3 kids, only one is dudes biological child. If she wanted to help out she could've just arranged the trip for dude and his kid. There was really no reason for ex wife and the other 2 kids to go. I know my fam would look at me crazy if I showed up to my siblings funeral with my ex wife that cheated on me, along with 2 other kids that ain't mine and we been separated for/divorced for 3 years. This is what I gathered from the info given in this thread anyway...let me know if I misread anything @Passionate1! Not saying dude cheating but it seem off

RRRRRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHTTT!!!

No offense to anybody else who thinks otherwise but WTF?! That shyt just seems obvious to me under the “weird shyt you just don’t do” file drawer.

Even without the extra cheating shyt, who shows up to major life events with exes when you in a relationship? Who pays for ex spouses shyt when both parties have moved on. I could see if bro was struggling financially and reached out to everybody. But to offer that shyt up?

Lmao.
I don’t get it but people different these. Maybe I’m missing something but solely from what OP mentioned…that shyt is weird.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

This is obviously what happened. And I said this back on page 2 or 3 of this thread.

If that’s the case, it’s different. If not, it’s a no for me.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

It depends on the exs relationship with him and his family. She is the mother of his child so she is family still. I can see her saying, I got this for you don't worry about anything go be with your family and mourn your sister.

I’m not denying her right to be family. It’s the level of involvement with someone in a relationship that makes this interaction inappropriate.
That’s a personal boundary I wouldn’t be comfortable with and no one in my family would either.
But people are different these days.

 

[murksiderock]

people wonder why "the community" is in shambles but then they advocate for people to treat former babymom/babydaddies like they never gave a shyt about them ... then blame latchkey kid activities on rap music

This is the most resonant post in this entire thread and enough to start a new thread off of...

Most situations that people have kids in, weren't one night stands, or just casual fukk buddies. Most situations have deep love and care at some point, whether people get married or not...

Relationships rarely ever end for just one reason, and rarely are the fault of just one party. Normally the two people just aren't compatible with each other and years later, maturity will see there was enough fault to go around...

Add children to the fact a relationship expired. These aren't easy situations to move on from, and there is a LOUD chorus of us as a people who advocate for shytting on the other parent of our children. Men and women, and normally it's because of unresolved emotions for that other parent. Because when you truly move on, bygones are bygones. What happened in the past doesn't effect my communication with you about our children in the future!

Anyway, my bad. Best post of the thread...

...........

To the topic, I'm way late. But ultimately I feel like the relationship ending was best for both parties, given all the information shared. Your sister and her now ex-boyfriend aren't the right people for each other...

 

[DatBoiHawk]

That nikka is a savage if he even thinking about cheating while at his own sisters funeral your sister needs to calm down

 

[Braman]

Has there been a update since the first post?

If not, grown folk get ahead of these problems. If your sister and her boyfriend are in a real relationship, she 100% needed to be there. It’s not a wedding, there’s no head count Even if she’s not seated with the fam, you bring her, to avoid these types of problems. So everything else after that is a pointless argument. It was bound to happen

And if we’re being candid, this is the type of player behavior some nggas carry over into actual relationships. Do some fukboi shyt that clearly is gonna trigger a woman then say ‘that bytch crazy’.

 

[Tres Leches]

Break up with your boyfriend while he’s grieving over his sister brehrettes

Your sister is an insecure piece of shyt honestly

Whether the bf cheated or not is irrelevant at this point
Op sister ain’t shyt

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

Add children to the fact a relationship expired. These aren't easy situations to move on from, and there is a LOUD chorus of us as a people who advocate for shytting on the other parent of our children. Men and women, and normally it's because of unresolved emotions for that other parent. Because when you truly move on, bygones are bygones. What happened in the past doesn't effect my communication with you about our children in the future!

Anyway, my bad. Best post of the thread...

gee thanks! but yeah i was just at a community parade where someone im "related to" was the grand marshall. this guy is my sisters father (i have a different father) so my sister was walking with him, and she had her other half sister there with her, as well as her kids (both kids that she birthed and kids and bm from her husbands prior marriage) lol. so basically, the whole tribe was there celebrating the day and it was all good. imagine how it would be if everyone took the whole "just stop by briefly and leave since you are the divorced person" approach for why though? just cuz you are the new p*ssy/dikk on the scene? why? these kids can have such a big support system if people got over their egos, cuz let's face it, a majority of people come from blended families these days.

instead, you got kids who are meeting their siblings for the first time in their 20s because people thought someone else needed to stay in a "lane" or whatever