Fellas in longterm relationships: Asking a woman to change

[Solo ✧✦✧]

It depends on the woman. A woman that's into you and is mature enough to handle criticism or prefers a direct approach is going to respond much better than a woman that has a stuck up diva type of attitude. Some women can't be told anything or given any type of criticism without responding with negativity regardless of how soft or harsh the delivery is.

From my experience it's all about how much the woman values your attention and opinion. Just being real a woman that has self esteem issues is more likely to go out of her way to do what is asked of them

 

[Hersh]

 

[chowism]

Nope, instead of trying to convince someone to change you should find a woman who already is the way you like.

 

[Swirv]

I make my changes and she follows suit on her own issues. If she doesn’t try and comes at me I let her know I’m working on my own and she should work on hers.

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

Good luck with that OP. Personally I try to lead by example. Plus I give off a quiet air of judgement so most girls light their own fire to get right... for fear of disappointing me.

Well that used to work until I started dating stronger minded women. It's a plus cuz they got their own shyt and I don't have to babysit, but it's a con because they're stubborn as fukk on some things. I plan on marrying my current gf but I'll be damn if she dont' have some stubborn ass ways. Like she's cool 90% of the time but the other 10% she can't be reasoned with.

I'm trying to work on being patient and accepting nobody is perfect tho. Because the old me was pretty bad at throwing chicks to the bushes expecting perfection. I've had 6 girlfriends in my adulthood and I can tell you that they are all about 75% the same at the end of the day. So I'm just gonna accept my fate and figure it out.

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

Bruh...

Imma say something, and it might be the REALEST THING I SAY (today at least - I am really real).


If you want somebody you care about to change something, you gotta address that AS SOON AS POSSIBLE -
preferably the INSTANT IT HAPPENS THE FIRST TIME.


If you wait what will happen is when you do bring it up - and you explain your perfectly good reasons why - all they will think/retort with is "WTF I've been doing this the whole time, why you wanna trip now?" Which will lead them to be more sore about the principle of the situation rather than the particular habit.

So really, if you been messing with them for any significant amount of time...prepare yourself for the idea that asking them to change something (1) will not go well, (2) probably won't happen, or (3) might not be worth bringing up if it's a trivial thing.

This shyt is tabernacle.

The problem is (at least for me)... in the beginning, I have nothing invested. So I'm not really trippin. But over time, when I'm invested, stuff starts to irk me. And you're right, none of the women have ever reacted to it in a positive way.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

I told my ex she needed to start back working out... she tried but she only would do basic bullshyt like stair master while I had other chicks asking me to train them and shyt

Do you see why she became my ex... She wanted to just get comfortable with some nikka and blow up... and she did just that with some other cat


My current chick and I have been officially dating for about a year and some change. She gained weight but it's my fault lol. She works out sporadically but she eats healthy (except for rice). She loses it when she wants to so I really don't have to say anything but I do address some things.

I'm not in the gym as much anymore, I am taking some time off to let my body heal but plan on going more once I move.

 

[BaldingSoHard]

This for me is one of my biggest failings in relationships.

If I see behavior that annoys me, one instance is enough for me to mark the woman as in my mind forever, and there's usually no coming back. I know it's not fair, but how are you a 35 year old woman who doesn't know not to use metal utensils on my coated nonstick pans?

fukking .

 

[null]

Change yourself first to accept it.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

I told my ex she needed to start back working out... she tried but she only would do basic bullshyt like stair master while I had other chicks asking me to train them and shyt

Do you see why she became my ex... She wanted to just get comfortable with some nikka and blow up... and she did just that with some other cat


My current chick and I have been officially dating for about a year and some change. She gained weight but it's my fault lol. She works out sporadically but she eats healthy (except for rice). She loses it when she wants to so I really don't have to say anything but I do address some things.

I'm not in the gym as much anymore, I am taking some time off to let my body heal but plan on going more once I move.

Sounds like your ex an current are in the same boat. lol

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Sounds like your ex an current are in the same boat. lol

How’d you come to that conclusion?

I don’t have to ask my ex to workout, she has a clean diet, weighs less, etc.

My ex didn’t do any of that shyt

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

How’d you come to that conclusion?

I don’t have to ask my ex to workout, she has a clean diet, weighs less, etc.

My ex didn’t do any of that shyt

You let your current slide with weight gain.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

You let your current slide with weight gain.

Because it’s not like shes gaining 20lbs..

Shes 145-150... not 180.

She also ran track so she knows how to workout

My ex blew up to like 180... without kids. She’s taller than my current but I saw where it was going

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Because it’s not like shes gaining 20lbs..

Shes 145-150... not 180.

She also ran track so she knows how to workout

My ex blew up to like 180... without kids. She’s taller than my current but I saw where it was going

If she knows how to workout why is she gaining weight?

 

[O.T.I.S.]

If she knows how to workout why is she gaining weight?

you serious?

How does anyone gain weight?

I work out and gain weight at times.... where is this convo going?