There was days where I slept with a gun next to my bed or in the car, and I would wake up telling myself that today was it. I'm throwing in the towel and plugging myself for good. I'm worthless, bitter and ain't worth shyt. I don't drink, but I get why brehs who do along with smoking. You your own worse critic. You can make yourself feel like shyt or not deserve the finer things in life based on what's around you and what's going on. The things we want in life are right in front of us, but they cause ever more strain as life goes on.
But I'd be lying if I say it ain't worth it at the end of the day. To hear my son laugh, my woman cooking good food, my mama laughing with her friends and finally taking trips around the world like she always said she would.
All of this comes with a headache and a half. All of it can turn sour. It's just how you ride the waves.
The key as a man is to seize what you want and accept that life will never be all smiles and rainbows, and a bytch with a fat ass. My son laughs, but I worry about his breathing cause of BPD. My woman is a motherfukking treasure, but I wonder if she went with me cause she loves me or cause I was a safer option. My mama goes on the trips cause her husband is a worthless, immature fakkit with a god complex who cheated on her every chance he got.
But still I push forward. You have to. Just know you not alone breh. It's gonna come.