Help please

[Ciggavelli]

Update: Day 20

I've been here for almost 3 weeks now. This is the longest I've been sober, for a long, long, time. I also haven't had a cigarette in 8 days either

I'm doing this shyt, brehs.

All my councilors and doctors say I'm making great progress. I'm trying very hard to make this the last time I come back to a place like this. It's still "one day at a time," but I think I can remain sober as long as I attend AA meetings, talk with my sponsor every day, and stay away from people and places that serve alcohol (supposedly I should do this for a year).

I also met with a career councilor, and we talked about how I might try to change careers. I think I might want to be a professor, brehs. It'll take some time, and I'll probably have to live in some bum fukk town, but it would make me happier. Working for a big corporation, doing boring research, hating this shyt, is a trigger for using and drinking. I'd be a much happier person, if I could do the research I want to do (as opposed to what I have to do).

But, overall, I'm doing really well here.

I can't wait to play some fukking music and games though. I've been without music for 3 weeks now. I need that shyt

Plus, I can't wait to play Far Cry 5 when I get back home. I'm gonna make gaming my new, healthy, addiction, along with exercising every day (I put that shyt aside when I was drinking so much).

 

[ColiBomaye]

I mainly lurk this forum but you were always a poster that caught my attention. Always nice to see a breh that's into PC gaming (Even if they have much better equipment than me)
Best of luck with your sobriety. You know the Arcadium got your back.

 

[Ciggavelli]

I mainly lurk this forum but you were always a poster that caught my attention. Always nice to see a breh that's into PC gaming (Even if they have much better equipment than me)
Best of luck with your sobriety. You know the Arcadium got your back.

Thanks, breh.

 

[2 Up 2 Down]

I'm in here for alcohol (I was drinking so much). I'm a very anxious person, and was taking 4mg of klonopin a day for years. They detoxed me from that in August, and I simply switched alcohol for the klonopin, to stay less anxious. Then shyt got worse and worse with the drinking. I was literally blacking out every day; like I couldn't remember what happened the day before (like nothing). I was getting DTs serious too, if I didn't drink. I knew I had to go in. I'm actually in a special group here for professionals and executives. All the people in my group are lawyers, MDs, and PhDs. It's a very exclusive group. It makes me feel better about myself to know other "successful" and "educated" people have alcohol and drug problems too.


Thanks, breh. I'm taking this super serious. I'm done with drugs and alcohol. I just need to go to AA meetings every night when I get out to remain sober. I keep my first chip (the chip to pledge that you won't drink for 24 hours) in my pocket everyday. I will do that for the rest of my life I think. I also got an ∞ chip (my god is absolute infinity) that I keep in my pocket as well. Those chips are so important to me.

I also saved off my beard, to signify that I'm a new man.

May I suggest getting into lifting weights. The feeling you get after working out, seeing your body change, and the looks from women and envy from the are

The Gym

 

[Ciggavelli]

May I suggest getting into lifting weights. The feeling you get after working out, seeing your body change, and the looks from women and envy from the are

The Gym

Thanks for the suggestion. I was so into lifting weights and shyt before, but with this terrible alcohol problem I had, that shyt fell to the wayside. I'm gonna start that shyt when I have access again. Also, we do yoga here, and I gotta admit, I fukking love yoga, breh ()

 

[TripleAgent]

Thanks for the suggestion. I was so into lifting weights and shyt before, but with this terrible alcohol problem I had, that shyt fell to the wayside. I'm gonna start that shyt when I have access again. Also, we do yoga here, and I gotta admit, I fukking love yoga, breh ()

Nah, damn all that, yoga is cool. Just gotta dress right

 

[Ciggavelli]

Nah, damn all that, yoga is cool. Just gotta dress right

The girls certainly are dressing right

 

[the_FUTURE]

Update: Day 20

I've been here for almost 3 weeks now. This is the longest I've been sober, for a long, long, time. I also haven't had a cigarette in 8 days either

I'm doing this shyt, brehs.

All my councilors and doctors say I'm making great progress. I'm trying very hard to make this the last time I come back to a place like this. It's still "one day at a time," but I think I can remain sober as long as I attend AA meetings, talk with my sponsor every day, and stay away from people and places that serve alcohol (supposedly I should do this for a year).

I also met with a career councilor, and we talked about how I might try to change careers. I think I might want to be a professor, brehs. It'll take some time, and I'll probably have to live in some bum fukk town, but it would make me happier. Working for a big corporation, doing boring research, hating this shyt, is a trigger for using and drinking. I'd be a much happier person, if I could do the research I want to do (as opposed to what I have to do).

But, overall, I'm doing really well here.

I can't wait to play some fukking music and games though. I've been without music for 3 weeks now. I need that shyt

Plus, I can't wait to play Far Cry 5 when I get back home. I'm gonna make gaming my new, healthy, addiction, along with exercising every day (I put that shyt aside when I was drinking so much).

been rooting for you. Keep up the great work.

 

[Ciggavelli]

been rooting for you. Keep up the great work.

Thanks, breh.

I'm trying. One day at a time. I'm being more mindful. I always "future trip," as they say here. I gotta be more present in the moment, so I can be cognizant of my triggers. 22 days so far though. 8 more days and I'll pick up my 30 day chip

 

[Ciggavelli]

Update: Day 24

Things are still going well here. I've been reading a lot of books about mental illness and addiction. It's been very helpful, as I can't trust myself to resist alcohol when I'm super manic or super depressed. I've been meditating like crazy here.

I'm hoping that if I do it repeatedly, every day, it will become a habit, and I'll be able to do that when I'm manic or super depressed. That sounds good in theory, but I'm still fearful. We'll see

I've been into meditation for a while now, but at the facility, I'm learning to do it without music, in crowded rooms. It's really helping out. When I get pissed off, anxious, restless, I just sit and meditate for 10 minutes. It's been a life saver so far

I'm getting a little "treatment fatigue," as they call it here. 8am to 9pm classes every day of the week (including the weekends). This shyt is seriously like a job. I need to get a pass to get out this weekend and just chill.

I'm about a third of the way done with this shyt. I "future trip" and say, "goddamn, this is so long. Can I do this for 60 more days?"

So, to stop thinking like that, I remind myself that I should only think "one day at a time." Plus, I know it's the best thing for me. I'll stay strong, even with "treatment fatigue."

I've also become much more spiritual here. AA makes you call upon a "higher power." I'm an agnostic, but believe in "absolute infinity." I've been replacing the "god" shyt in the Big Book, with "absolute infinity." I guess "absolute infinity" is my god. So maybe I'm not really agnostic after all. I dunno....

Anyway, thanks again for all of your support and well wishes Arcadium brehs (and other Coli brehs as well). It's been very uplifting for me, and I need uplifting shyt right now.

To the Coli brehs, and the Arcadium ones in particular, thanks

 

[Ciggavelli]

Update: Day 25

Things went so so for me last night. I'm AA'd the fukk out, and realized that AA is a religion. I hate religion (not "god," or "absolute infinity" for me, just organized religion of any kind). I was so conflicted last night. Do I want to join this AA "religion" and potentially lose myself (morals, values, etc.), or do I do it by myself and potentially drink or use again? I meditated on it last night and then went to bed. I woke up saying, "Well, I guess it's a lesser of 2 evils, and AA is definitely the winner there. After all, doing it by myself led me to here (rehab). That's not a great track record. Plus, AA has legit helped millions of people stay sober. I don't wanna lose myself, but I think AA is the way. I'll just meditate on it after each meeting to make sure I'm still me, Ciggavelli.

Also, I'm reading like crazy now. I've amassed a library of books on AA, mindfulness, mental illness and addiction, etc., etc. here. I even bought all the religious books to get different perspectives. I know I said I hate religion, but I want to read the texts anyway to get different perspectives on life. I got:

Bible
Quran
Bhagavad Gita
The Satanic Bible ()
An intro to Buddhism book

 

[Ciggavelli]

Yo, I'm at some ritzy ass "intervention show" type rehab facility.

We just had 8 hours of a professional comedian come in here and do inspiration speaking about addiction and recovery (with a shytload of jokes).

His name is Mark Lundholm

Home - Mark Lundholm

Apparently he's written roasts, done stand up, been on a ton of shows, etc.

I don't know him, but the people in here that know comedy said he's well known.

Either way, it was pretty cool

 

[Methodical]

Yo, I'm at some ritzy ass "intervention show" type rehab facility.

We just had 8 hours of a professional comedian come in here and do inspiration speaking about addiction and recovery (with a shytload of jokes).

His name is Mark Lundholm

Home - Mark Lundholm

Apparently he's written roasts, done stand up, been on a ton of shows, etc.

I don't know him, but the people in here that know comedy said he's well known.

Either way, it was pretty cool

That's very cool.

Did he make you laugh on some or you just

On a scale of 1-10? his stand up comedy you just witnessed?

 

[teacher]

Free @Ciggavelli

 

[MewTwo]

More interested in OP's story. What's going on with you? You were born this way? Something tragic happened in your life to make you like this? What?