Honestly, cheating is the only way to be happy in a relationship. UPDATE: I'm going to abstain

Carlton Banks

Carlton Banks

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Every relationship I've been in usually turns out the same. I realized most relationships are only really good the first 1-3 years. After that the same thing happens... she stops having sex. It starts to dwindle down until you eventually don't even recognize her or the relationship anymore. It happened with my ex and it's currently happening with my girl. She's perfect in every other department, but this. Yesterday she promised me head via text. Sloppy "deserved" head. I'm at a point where I don't even get excited over these things anymore cuz there's a 95% chance it won't happen. And guess what? Did it happen? No. But when she wants it and I'm not up for it, it's a whole other thing. So I'm just at a point where I'm done arguing about it, talking about it, etc. I'd be fine if we even went celibate for awhile. I don't wanna keep getting excited about the shyt only to get disappointed each time. I want consistent sex. She was talking about once a week. Granted, we're very busy with our individual lives and it's very understandable. My thing is, don't promise it to me, don't tease me about it. Don't even fukking talk about it. Cuz honestly I'm starting to find the peacefulness in celibacy. My libido used to be 10/10, but this shyt done dropped it to 3. Best believe if I had something on the side I wouldn't even be tripping. So I guess I just need to find a side chick with high libido. Seems like it's the only way. Hence why so many married men tend to be the thirstiest.
 
VertigoKnight

VertigoKnight

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Tbh this is why a lot of couples have 'agreements' at some point one or more of your sex drives is going to crash through the floor. Usually the woman's.

Being able to see other people discreetly has saved many a marriage.

I personally wouldn't advise cheating. As when that all comes out its a hot mess.
 
Complexion

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Its the lack of honesty from the jump combined with people slacking off once they get who they want that does most relationships in. Each presents facets of themselves designed to appeal to the other instead of being who they truly are, come what may. Everyone does this, even if they don't realize it, to sucker the other person in via a projection which doesn't totally match their reality.

When they inevitably find out the truth disappointment kicks in and they wonder whatever attracted them in the first place cos they can no longer see it.

There are three phases that each pairing goes through. Some people take a lifetime to hit the steps, others fly through them in a month and its onto the next to do it all again.
 
Carlton Banks

Carlton Banks

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Complexion said:
Its the lack of honesty from the jump combined with people slacking off once they get who they want that does most relationships in. Each presents facets of themselves designed to appeal to the other instead of being who they truly are, come what may. Everyone does this, even if they don't realize it, to sucker the other person in via a projection which doesn't totally match their reality.

When they inevitably find out the truth disappointment kicks in and they wonder whatever attracted them in the first place cos they can no longer see it.

There are three phases that each pairing goes through. Some people take a lifetime to hit the steps, others fly through them in a month and its onto the next to do it all again.
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And here's the thing. I have been slacking on the "dating" side of the relationship. But it's not for lack of effort. We're just both busy these days. She's in nursing school so literally all of her time is being sucked into school, exams, assignments, etc. Which I was okay with. I was okay with knowing that we weren't gonna be getting it in anymore. I accepted it. So as a result, I stopped even bothering to initiate or add any sexual energy into us. I mean why if it isn't gonna go anywhere? I'd rather put that energy to something more productive or more consistent. I'm okay with turning off the entire idea of sex temporarily. It helps me focus on other more important things. I even stopped jacking off since it's no longer satisfying and just boring now. But guess what?! Soon as I reach this place of comfort and zen, now she wants to tease me about sex and act like she's the one sexually frustrated when IM the one who was always fighting for more sex! TF?! I'm like at this point she's just being manipulative.
 
Commish

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I have a different stance...

For me, I believe that communication, honesty/transparency is the 🔑 to having a successful relationship.

I stand on it!

I see no need to cheat. Just tell your significant other that you will seek affection/intimacy from someone else, if your significant other chooses not to be affectionate/intimate with you.

Intimacy isn't negotiable!

Life is too short to be playing games! If someone wanna do their own thing and not be honest with their intentions, then that is a cue for you to do your own thing and whatever happens will happen, feelings be damned!

How one starts a relationship should be the template of how things should go. People do change, evolve, etc. But, communication, honesty and integrity should always remain the same.

What is meant to be will be! It is what it is!
 
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Carlton Banks

Carlton Banks

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Commish said:
I have a different stance...

For me, I believe that communication, honesty/transparency is the 🔑 to having a successful relationship.

I stand on it!

In see no need to cheat, if you tell your significant other that you will seek affection from someone else if your significant other chooses not to be affectionate with you.

Intimacy isn't negotiable!

Life is too short to be playing games! If someone wanna do their own thing and not be honest with their intentions, them that is a cue for you to do your own thing and whatever happens will happen, feelings be damned!

How one starts a relationship should be the template of things should go. People do change, evolve, etc. But, communication, honesty and integrity should always remain the same.

What is meant to be will be! It is what it is!
Click to expand...
I respect your post breh. This is just a very cliche answer you'd hear on a talk show like Steve Wilkos and them. I get it. Lying is wrong. Cheating is wrong. But you know what? So is denying sex with your partner knowing that they love to have sex. So is flip flopping on the issue and expecting the other to simply adjust. It's not like there's a laundry load of problems between us. This is literally the only thing we mostly argue about. Each time I try to find a solution, she goes the opposite way. I'm just gonna propose the celibacy idea once again, and this time be firm on it. I'm okay with not having sex for weeks and even months if it means we're focusing on other more important things. But I mean at the same time, the man in me is not gonna pass up good looks and opportunities that come my way. I'll be damned.
 
Complexion

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Both Sides said:
And here's the thing. I have been slacking on the "dating" side of the relationship. But it's not for lack of effort. We're just both busy these days. She's in nursing school so literally all of her time is being sucked into school, exams, assignments, etc. Which I was okay with. I was okay with knowing that we weren't gonna be getting it in anymore. I accepted it. So as a result, I stopped even bothering to initiate or add any sexual energy into us. I mean why if it isn't gonna go anywhere? I'd rather put that energy to something more productive or more consistent. I'm okay with turning off the entire idea of sex temporarily. It helps me focus on other more important things. I even stopped jacking off since it's no longer satisfying and just boring now. But guess what?! Soon as I reach this place of comfort and zen, now she wants to tease me about sex and act like she's the one sexually frustrated when IM the one who was always fighting for more sex! TF?! I'm like at this point she's just being manipulative.
Click to expand...

There it is.

Imagine two empty glasses clinking and each saying "Got a drink?". Neither will get their fill because there is simply nothing to give nor receive beyond the image they sell.

That describes most relationships and why the initial high rarely lasts and often quickly fades because its like this:

tenor.gif

The initial anticipation based on projection causes your endocrine system to flood your system with happy, happy, joy, joy vibes as you think you've found the missing link that will provide just what you've been seeking. She feels this too. Thing is its based on false projections and semi conscious manipulation and thus devoid of integrity. Thats when you realize the fridge is actually empty and its pretty much over at this point but most people refuse to see it and will hang on due to a myriad of excuses, none of which touch the truth. If they split they'll go on to keep repeating the same pattern till they're dead without any introspection of what causes this.

An issue with being 100% from the jump is that if you're dealing with strangers (and no money exchanges) they'll think you're insane because they're used to playing the fake game of projected percentages. If on the flip propinquity is your thing and the circle know how you is then its a whole nother level because (and I quote) "It's absolutely amazing being able to be myself because you're so crazy that no matter how weird I am it doesn't come anywhere near your nuttiness".

That is what people genuinely, truly want. The ability to be themselves without filter or image building but they try and put the cart in front of the horse and wonder why it never works. Thing is to be authentic to another you have to first be that to yourself and most people would rather consume a mile of excrement than even attempt this so it is what it is.
 
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