2 years ago I was having really, really bad vertigo.
For about 2 weeks straight, the room was either spinning, or tilting from side to side, I was nauseous, was exhibiting stroke like symptoms and having extreme emotional reactions to everything, I had little to no restraint on my emotions or thought process for almost a whole month.
Despite the fact that It was terrifying, one of the amazing things about that experience was how many creative, if not genius ideas were flowing to and through me that I didn't have the presence of mind to write down or record. It was really similar to that movie Limitless where there was just this expansion of knowledge, brain function and creative flow.
As I started getting a better grip on my emotions and the world started looking more level, that creative, "limitless" feeling started to fade, and I got really sad about it. As scary and debilitating as it had been, I wanted it to stay. I felt like I could have accomplished so much if I was just able to have that same creative flow without having to cycle through all my subconscious, suppressed anger and judgement. I had dipped my toes into that pool un-filtered consciousness and I didn't want to go back.
Being brutally honest, violent, indulgent, being able to cry tears of joy at the smallest things, being receptive to so many brilliant ideas at once that I couldn't even manage to record them in some way...felt awesome, it felt like freedom. But I realized that some filters, some inhibitions are necessary for the safety of my family and myself. Now the quest is finding ways to access all of that genius and creativity that's sitting in the background in a safer, more controlled way.
