How To Be Happy Despite Being Alone

[O.T.I.S.]

23 i got controlling parents and im sheltered breh i get the least freedom. all my older siblings (and relatives) just up and leave whenever. living their best youthful lives

im the heavily scrutinized middle child under the constant magnifying glass

You’re only 23, your time will come

 

[africngiant]

Your siblings are irrelevant. It's your life that you are trying to live

So does this mean you aren't trying to be an MD or a JD, and your folks are paying for it?

nah im already finished i have my own career job and car. im still technically under the house so i have to live under their rules.

i still can’t do shyt but everyone else can for some odd reason. my sis is a future pediatrician but be running around like she pac

 

[africngiant]

You’re only 23, your time will come

i was supposed to have my time in college but then covid happened and im still under parental control (physically & financially). everytime i refresh my feed i get pissed off it’s either fam or peers living life.

i prefer to be alone but im not about to waste my youth and hard work just sitting in the fking crib all day

 

[T. Dubb Ya]

“I can be by myself and enjoy the company”

-kanye

I can totally see a Gemini like Kanye, who are known for having split personalities, say something like this lol.

 

[africngiant]

it’s one thing to be grateful but when your parents and siblings are constantly playing favorites and looking out for everyone but you the shyt gets annoying after the 8th flaked vacation im finally supposed to be involved in.

we were supposed to go as a fam to the bahamas but it fell apart because my sis said that she didn’t know when her residency was going to end and that was the family excuse.

only for me to overhear my parents telling her to “have fun” yesterday and then she ends up posting pics there with my cousins on a solo trip instead.

they keep blackballing me shyt is weird. my brother is independent now so he just does his own thing but even when he was dependent he could fukk around as well.

but i gotta be the fukking dark hermit

 

[Kuma the Bear]

nah im already finished i have my own career job and car. im still technically under the house so i have to live under their rules.

i still can’t do shyt but everyone else can for some odd reason. my sis is a future pediatrician but be running around like she pac

Are your other siblings all sisters or do you have a brother? If so, assuming that he is a legal adult, does he get told what to do as well?

Might be best to have a discussion with your parents regarding this so that you can get an understanding of their reasoning behind controlling you at your age. You could even get your siblings to assist if they are aware of the situation.
Obviously this has to be done respectfully because African parents are prone to feeling as if they're being challenged or disrespected anytime you disagree with them or decide to have a voice.

It makes no sense that they are putting all these rules on you when you're grown and with a career. You need to take your life back breh.

 

[sayyestothis]

There's a difference from being lonely and Being alone....being alone is a choice.

 

[africngiant]

Are your other siblings all sisters or do you have a brother? If so, assuming that he is a legal adult, does he get told what to do as well?

Might be best to have a discussion with your parents regarding this so that you can get an understanding of their reasoning behind controlling you at your age. You could even get your siblings to assist if they are aware of the situation.
Obviously this has to be done respectfully because African parents are prone to feeling as if they're being challenged or disrespected anytime you disagree with them or decide to have a voice.

It makes no sense that they are putting all these rules on you when you're grown and with a career. You need to take your life back breh.

i have a brother that moved out recently so he’s independent now. when he was my age he had more freedom though as the 1st born.

my sis is the favorite with the od traveling and shyt.

any time i get ready for a family vacation they always cancel it for some bs excuse

when they all were my age they were wyling though smh parents included.

they don’t even care that it pisses me off to prepare me to financially and mentally pull the trigger on the tickets only to bs as the proposed date approaches. i stg this must’ve happened at least 5 times.

my sister continues to constantly travel solo though and they never bat an eye.

yet if i tried to do it solo they would think im being a nefarious fukkboi for wanting to live life too.

even my (younger) sis got to travel on THEIR dime to fukking italy and paris during a time i was away from them at school. i didn’t even know until last minute either

i spent all college days slaving and being scrutinized by them no matter what meanwhile. now i got a 9-5 with 2 day weekends and shyt.

 

[ORDER_66]

hobbies, sex, money, fulfillment...

 

[Easy-E]

People who experience solitary confinement are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and psychosis. The practice also affects physical health, increasing a person's risk for a range of conditions, including fractures, vision loss, and chronic pain.

Aug 7, 2020

Effects of solitary confinement on mental and physical health

Solitary confinement is associated with significant increases in anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and physical health conditions, such as vision loss. Learn more here.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

OP posted a blog, I posted a medical website

Ya'll need help that "loneliness" and "being introverted" can't help

Loneliness and Social Isolation Linked to Serious Health Conditions

Older adults who are lonely or socially isolated are at greater risk for serious medical conditions. Here are resources to help you stay connected.

www.cdc.gov

Although it’s hard to measure social isolation and loneliness precisely, there is strong evidence that many adults aged 50 and older are socially isolated or lonely in ways that put their health at risk. Recent studies found that:

• Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.1
• Social isolation was associated with about a 50% increased risk of dementia.1
• Poor social relationships (characterized by social isolation or loneliness) was associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke.1
• Loneliness was associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
• Loneliness among heart failure patients was associated with a nearly 4 times increased risk of death, 68% increased risk of hospitalization, and 57% increased risk of emergency department visits.1

Ya'll need to work on your issues with your families...

 

[Kuma the Bear]

i have a brother that moved out recently so he’s independent now. when he was my age he had more freedom though as the 1st born.

my sis is the favorite with the od traveling and shyt.

any time i get ready for a family vacation they always cancel it for some bs excuse

when they all were my age they were wyling though smh parents included.

they don’t even care that it pisses me off to prepare me to financially and mentally pull the trigger on the tickets only to bs as the proposed date approaches. i stg this must’ve happened at least 5 times.

my sister continues to constantly travel solo though and they never bat an eye.

yet if i tried to do it solo they would think im being a nefarious fukkboi for wanting to live life too.

even my (younger) sis got to travel on THEIR dime to fukking italy and paris during a time i was away from them at school. i didn’t even know until last minute either

i spent all college days slaving and being scrutinized by them no matter what meanwhile. now i got a 9-5 with 2 day weekends and shyt.

Honestly, you need to stand up to them at this point. Respectfully of course.
You have a right to live your life how you see fit as long as you're not harming anybody and you shouldn't be held back by anyone for it.

 

[Complexion]

i was told i can’t even drive outside of work but my entire family within my age range going to dubai, italy, bahamas, paris, ghana, louisiana, miami, texas, puerto rico. my sis just said she’s going to the bahamas and they just told her “have fun”

i sound spoiled but the constant reminders of living an unfulfilled life are annoying. im a grown ass man why can’t i move to the beat of my own drum and actually have something else to show for myself? everyone else in the fam gets to. im literally wasting my life trying to clear the next hurdle in hopes that they finally give me some damn freedom but it never ends. and they constantly bs on family vacay.

There is a deeper metaphysical reason for this which I'll skip and say this:

What you're facing is neither new nor unique. Its broken many traditional men who attempt to please their domineering parents and one day rise to realize they've let everything slip whilst attempting to live the life someone else handed them. No matter what they did it wasn't enough. The carrot was always just ahead and promised but the stick was on deck for the moment you slipped.

A lot of them also mentioned the golden child/black sheep dynamic of which you're speaking in which they felt like the whipping boy of the generation who the entire fam dumped on, repeatedly.


Most of them are still living like this. It never ended. They hate their existence and didn't put into play not one of the things I told them which is the definition of madness itself because you cannot do the same and expect a different outcome. The one who did faced all kinds of dramatics and threats but when they realized he wouldn't shift they all did instead and he said, quote, "I can't believe they are the same people" as they now treat him quite different. He's far happier now than he's ever been. Know what I told him?

Boundaries. Non reactivity. No explanations.

Thats all he changed. To some that may sound like ice skating uphill but I'm sure you click that these three are actually the root of your problems and thus they aren't your parents causing this but you because in the first one you say nothing, second you get pulled in to the emotional tricks and third you attempt to justify or request and thus place yourself in a position of submission by asking for permission and thus tacitly accepting your lack of freedom.

I've just given you the key. Only you can choose if you want to be free and apply it.

 

[Savvir]

lol, at some point you gonna run out of ammo and seek answers

#bars

 

[WaveWhisperer]

i have a brother that moved out recently so he’s independent now. when he was my age he had more freedom though as the 1st born.

my sis is the favorite with the od traveling and shyt.

any time i get ready for a family vacation they always cancel it for some bs excuse

when they all were my age they were wyling though smh parents included.

they don’t even care that it pisses me off to prepare me to financially and mentally pull the trigger on the tickets only to bs as the proposed date approaches. i stg this must’ve happened at least 5 times.

my sister continues to constantly travel solo though and they never bat an eye.

yet if i tried to do it solo they would think im being a nefarious fukkboi for wanting to live life too.

even my (younger) sis got to travel on THEIR dime to fukking italy and paris during a time i was away from them at school. i didn’t even know until last minute either

i spent all college days slaving and being scrutinized by them no matter what meanwhile. now i got a 9-5 with 2 day weekends and shyt.

nikka if you dont take yo ass on vacation by yourself


Especially if YOU payin for it, I wouldn’t give a damn how mad they get

 

[ThrobbingHood]

I’ve never felt lonely in my life. But I’d be lying if I said nothing beats the feeling than the warm embrace of a loving woman.