I can't support anyone on here who is "pro-black community" but anti-marriage

[the next guy]

I spoke about this in another thread just a day ago, our current culture today isn't conducive to marriage. The idea of only being with one person for the rest of a person's life creeps people out. The marriage crisis is real, that's undeniable and everything about modern day society today simply doesn't fit with what marriage is. Marriage just isn't the same anymore.

We could go on and on and on and on and on about how 'evil' marriage is blah blah blah, but that isn't getting us anywhere. In these debates there's always that person who speaks about one uncle they have who lived with a woman for years without getting married and ended up fine, that's all well and good but they are an anomaly, having kids outside wedlock has done us more harm than good, this is just a fact. You can walk into any inner city and see that.

The whole premise of the thread was for people to stop denouncing and discouraging black men from marrying black women which I firmly agree with.

And I have no problem with that, but marriage in general is not working out for the reasons you stated, so I guess the question is can blacks lead the way back to marriage? Or will the whole society continue to the race to the bottom.

 

[marcuz]

You are generalizing to the point where you are blowing hot air out of your ass... 10,000$ ring... Men have no part in planning?...

"waste tens of thousands on a stupid rock for your finger, a dress you'll only wear once, or a wedding that we more than likely held no part in designing/decorating."

re-read and try again. i didn't say we spend 10,000 on a ring or that men can't design/decorate for their own wedding. i'm saying most dont care enough to even bother, its a woman's event.

You whining about the next mans relationship...

what man are you talking about? once again, broad generalizations. i'm speaking hypothetically here.

Stop perpetuating dysfunction in our community...

The fukk marriage do to you?

perpetuating how? these are just discussions, chick. no one is advocating against building strong families with the woman you love. i just keep bringing it back to the same question none of you can seem to answer. why do we need a piece of paper to raise a family properly?

 

[Theraflu]

Stop perpetuating dysfunction in our community...

This is pretty much it summed up, we are perpetuating dysfunction. Maybe it's my Economics and Maths background speaking but this solution doesn't work from a micro economic standpoint. It's not..going...to...work.

The energy that we are putting into telling black men not to marry black women (ridiculous) we should be putting into teaching young black men to spot the right kind of woman to marry, join assets with, build and gain further assets and lay the foundation for your next generation. You should want the right kind of woman to take your last name, build something with then pass on to your children. This is where our energy should be, teaching our sons to spot that geeky girl in glasses who will be an asset to him. NOT telling him not to get married at all. It's not going to work.

Done right, marriage is key to us advancing from an Economic standpoint. We need our black men marrying the right women and building wealth with which they will pass on generationally..

 

[Theraflu]

And I have no problem with that, but marriage in general is not working out for the reasons you stated, so I guess the question is can blacks lead the way back to marriage? Or will the whole society continue to the race to the bottom.

Now this is the kind of debate I'm open to.

Judging by men who earn 30k a year scared of a woman stealing their money and getting alimony from them, I don't see us heading back to marriage or building anything from a micro economic standpoint soon.

People's priorities are a mess tbh.

 

[Micky Mikey]

I second this. A healthy Marriage is essential to the psychological development of a child. Studies show this. And of course strong marriage reciprocate into strong families. Which in turn reciprocates strong communities.
The social chao within the black communities are in part due to many people growing up without a strong and identifiable father IN the HOME.

 

[the next guy]

Now this is the kind of debate I'm open to.

Judging by men who earn 30k a year scared of a woman stealing their money and getting alimony from them, I don't see us heading back to marriage or building anything from a micro economic standpoint soon.

People's priorities are a mess tbh.

I can move with this... I think the community needs stability, but I actually thinks blacks can take a leadership role (for once) and show other races in the west that marriage is cool again. But people have to stop care about money so much.

 

[marcuz]

I second this. A healthy Marriage is essential to the psychological development of a child. Studies show this. And of course strong marriage reciprocate into strong families. Which in turn reciprocates strong communities.
The social chao within the black communities are in part due to many people growing up without a strong and identifiable father IN the HOME.

do you need that business contract to have a strong identifiable father IN the home?

 

[Micky Mikey]

I would also argue that this country has gone to great lengths to destroy the family and the the incentive to mary. This has made the idea of marriage very unattractive to men. The bashing of marriage and the traditional family with two parents has its roots in liberal and feminist agendas. Neither of these viewpoints are "pro black". To be pro black you must be for the black family because the black family has been completely destroyed. One of the The biggest tragedies of our time and in this country is the destruction of the black family. It has brought on an unprecedented level of decadence within the black community.
The problems that conflict our people didn't exist to the extent they did neither in bondage or Jim crow. We as a people need to accept this and work to reassemble our families and communities.

 

[Theraflu]

I can move with this... I think the community needs stability, but I actually thinks blacks can take a leadership role (for once) and show other races in the west that marriage is cool again. But people have to stop care about money so much.

I agree, I understand if you're a millionaire but an average working class person with a normal job marrying another working class person with a normal job saying he is scared she will 'steal his money' doesn't make any sense. This isn't the movies or gossip blogs, most black people are marrying people with similar income to them, both are struggling equally and have very little assets themselves so the money excuse makes little sense.

 

[Colicat]

I agree, I understand if you're a millionaire but an average working class person with a normal job marrying another working class person with a normal job saying he is scared she will 'steal his money' doesn't make any sense. This isn't the movies or gossip blogs, most black people are marrying people with similar income to them, both are struggling equally and have very little assets themselves so the money excuse makes little sense.

It's sad because the reality of a Black American woman is, if she does get married; it will be to someone who makes less than she does...

Where all these rich Black men who will have to pay someone like me alimony?.... Point me in their direction....

 

[the next guy]

I would also argue that this country has gone to great lengths to destroy the family and the the incentive to mary. This has made the idea of marriage very unattractive to men. The bashing of marriage and the traditional family with two parents has its roots in liberal and feminist agendas. Neither of these viewpoints are "pro black". To be pro black you must be for the black family because the black family has been completely destroyed. One of the The biggest tragedies of our time and in this country is the destruction of the black family. It has brought on an unprecedented level of decadence within the black community.
The problems that conflict our people didn't exist to the extent they did neither in bondage or Jim crow. We as a people need to accept this and work to reassemble our families and communities.

This started with blacks but now it's spread to everyone, these school shootings are the result of fathlessness in the white community, or divorce parents and mixed families, prime situations for abusers.

I agree, I understand if you're a millionaire but an average working class person with a normal job marrying another working class person with a normal job saying he is scared she will 'steal his money' doesn't make any sense. This isn't the movies or gossip blogs, most black people are marrying people with similar income to them, both are struggling equally and have very little assets themselves so the money excuse makes little sense.

Of course and I agree, because we don't cooperate we will never prosper. You have to build a foundation for success, and this is just not for nikkas either. You got white folks that have been married 2,3 times before the age of forty, what does that does for us, with the kids moving around constantly.

 

[Micky Mikey]

do you need that business contract to have a strong identifiable father IN the home?

Relationships with where the men and women are simply shacking up are usually highly dysfunctional. Children growing up in these households usually grow up with those same dysfunctional traits.

 

[marcuz]

Relationships with where the men and women are simply shacking up are usually highly dysfunctional. Children growing up in these households usually grow up with those same dysfunctional traits.

simply shacking up? how is it simply shacking up if the father is still in the home, doing all the duties he'd do if he were legally married?

i have a buddy thats been with his girl damn near 10 yrs now. they aren't married, they live in the same home, he takes care of his kids. whats highly dysfunctional about it?

 

[Micky Mikey]

This started with blacks but now it's spread to everyone, these school shootings are the result of fathlessness in the white community, or divorce parents and mixed families, prime situations for abusers.

Of course and I agree, because we don't cooperate we will never prosper. You have to build a foundation for success, and this is just not for nikkas either. You got white folks that have been married 2,3 times before the age of forty, what does that does for us, with the kids moving around constantly.

I agree with this. Single parent homes are on the rise of white America as well. And its having noticable effects.

 

[Micky Mikey]

simply shacking up? how is it simply shacking up if the father is still in the home, doing all the duties he'd do if he were legally married?

i have a buddy thats been with his girl damn near 10 yrs now. they aren't married, they live in the same home, he takes care of his kids. whats highly dysfunctional about it?

They tend to be more dysfunctional because there is less incentive for the two partners to stay together and work out through their issues. Of course there are exceptions.