I just found the goat site..http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/

[Cabbage Patch]

I stood at my door this morning and just listened to the silence in the house and it just hit me that its going to be just like that every morning and evening I come home when she is gone with the kids. It really hard to handle.

I would do anything to fix this and keep my family together.

You're letting her have primary custody?

You're on easy street. It'll be easy for you to move on.

So let go.

 

[MikelArteta]

Lol that ain't me breh
Never been married and I don't have kids

Just a thread on that site

You're letting her have primary custody?

You're on easy street. It'll be easy for you to move on.

So let go.

 

[MikelArteta]

So.... I'm going to bet all the advise I get will be to end it run, leave, not try to save it. And maybe I just need that encouragement.

Wife and I met young, together a total of 6 years now, married two years ago at 24/22, no kids, yesterday was two year mark... two affairs in two years, each a year apart one definitely physical the second a online. I should have learned the first time but I took her back, and the second time... I don't know I guess I keep feeling guilted to try and make it work - like - is she just this way because of me? Or is she this way because that's the way she is, or because of my frustration with how things are?

Funny thing is when she is having affair she was out exercising, going outside and in general seeming happy, many of the things I want her to be with me, so I think okay I can live with you like that (but not with the affair!)

My biggest struggles with the relationship have been she has depression and anxiety, has gained quite a bit of weight (~60 pounds and bmi is now considered obese), and in the past year we've fought a lot about housework and finances.

After her first affair with coworker she quit job and I thought well lets try this... she is good at cooking but not good at getting motivation to clean, so often I would come home and be frustrated because of lack of cleaning (btw we have 2 dogs that shed so carpets should be vacuumed at least 2x week but usually only once every two weeks or once a month..) usually by the point that I'm so fed up with the lack of cleaning it results in a fight. Also I come home and instead of being loving towards her I am frustrated and bring up issues (because they are staring at me in the face! But that's a big issue of hers to me).

We also have troubles with finances, financial decisions, she is always mad because I am trying to get my student loans payed off asap... and in general I'm pretty frugal, but we still go out to the movies and eat out all the time... though I guess I could be better at maintenance on this front sometimes I feel like it's not worth it... horrible feeling.

Anyhow I don't know where I'm going with this, since we married and especially the last year I've been trying to work on myself in various ways, I've gained 50 lbs of muscle and look better than I ever have, consequently I've had to get myself new wardrobe, am making new friends, going out doing stuff.. Eyeing other people...

We didn't celebrate our anniversary and I don't think we plan too.. she's been vacationing with family (I have to work to pay bills you know?) for about 3 weeks now so she is away.. then she plans to get a job when she comes back. I think she also plans to move out after that but I'm not sure at the moment.

We've tried to be amicable lately and it seems like she wants to reconcile again, but I have an incredibly hard time trusting anything.... I feel like we could stay together and continue to love each other but I have a hard time seeing any of the issues we've had changing, and I feel like it'll be an exercise in futility. For example, before going on vacation she left house a mess... so next two days I spend cleaning house top to bottom

She always makes exuses on cleaning she is too busy with school but really she watches a lot of reality tv and plays on internet.

she's been txting she loves me and misses me but I don't feel it back very much

and feel like mostly she is trying to please me just enough to not make life worse / want to separate before she gets a job and on her feet. Or maybe she does love me and wants it to work and it's just on me to get on and treat her right? I don't know.

The other big issue is because the two times she's left she brings all her problems to her family, and so I feel very estranged from her family. Every time she talks to people they say she should leave me but then she comes back.

I feel like I could make it work but I don't know if it really would work... I don't think we meet each others needs in the ways we would like, and I can't see myself wanting children with her anymore

 

[AtomicUse]

Is there an opposing site like this where women tell their stories? I'd assume they have a bunch of them also. We're looking at these through the lenses of men, so it's painting the picture that way. What would a woman say about marriage if there were a site like this where women shared their stories?

@Emperor_ReinScarf where that forum at? You the forum whiz....

 

[MikelArteta]

Is there an opposing site like this where women tell their stories? I'd assume they have a bunch of them also. We're looking at these through the lenses of men, so it's painting the picture that way. What would a woman say about marriage if there were a site like this where women shared their stories?

@Emperor_ReinScarf where that forum at? You the forum whiz....

most forums are just men posting

women have outlets ala calling up the folfpack etc. when their hubbies cheat, or just looking the other way

the biggest infidelity forum on the web is
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp

hers a sample, get married brehettes

I just found out my husband (we have been married two years and dated for 2 years before that) have been cheating on me with escorts ever since we got married. My husband is a very loving and caring person and fulfills all his responsibilities. I thought our marriage was perfect and my husband was perfect until I found this out. He claims that he loves me and he is a sex addict and desperately needs help.he hasn't gone to any escorts in last 2 months because he is fighting with his addiction. He seems really guilty but I am having a hard time to accept that there might be such thing as 'sex addiction' and I feel he is using that as an excuse to get away with all the wrong things he has done. I am not sure iftI want to give him a second chance or not. I can not stop picturing him with different prostitues and that thought makes me sick. We are still very young and have just started to settle down in our lives and I did not want it to go like this. Anyone else experienced the same? Is this addiction curable? He Is willing to do anything to save our marriage and is ready for therapy and counselling. What is the root cause of this addiction? My husband had an abusive childhood. His parents never treated him right. Can it be the reason? Is such marriage worth giving a second Chance? Or I should just move on with my life? Can such narrisged turn into a successful marriage after therapy? Sorry for the long post but I an in desperate need of help

I'm not sure how to begin. The relationship that I had is gone. In a blink of an eye.
3 years ago, I met Austin. He was handsome, funny, great personality, and had the ability to make everyone like him. I fell in love within a month of meeting him and he fell for me. Less than a year into our relationship, I began to notice that he would lie about the most pointless things. It could be something as simple as me asking "what did you do after class?" (we're in college) and he would lie. I didn't think too much about it.

Around this time, Austin sunk into a severe depression. He was battling suicidal thoughts and tried to take his life 3 times. Every time, I was there; putting my classes on hold, being present, and loving him. I never left his side. Even when he told me that he had kissed another girl. I was trying to understand and be mindful of everything going on in his head. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I was so happy.

Fast forward to last Wednesday. Austin and I now live together and have two pets. Everything was finally going okay. I sat down at my computer and found that he had been emailing people on Craigslist for OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. I sent him a picture of the emails and he broke down and told me that he has met with 3 different people during our relationship. I broke up with him on the spot.

The best part of the whole break up, is that now I can't get away from him. He's taken the apartment upstairs from me so we're neighbor's for the next year. I have no idea what to do. I'm breaking and hurting like I've never hurt before, but he seems to be fine. I don't understand how someone loses their fiance and doesn't react! I've hardly left the apartment and have gone into a deep depression. He is all fine and dandy and even now is out with his friends doing God knows what while I watch his dog.

I don't know what to do. I'm a 5th year college student and many of my close friends have all graduated and have left the state. I feel so alone and angry. I'm pissed that he is out having fun and I'm the one that feels like I can't even get out of bed. I need help and support. Please help.

I found out friday that my husband has been taling to her again. I found a text on his phone. First dd was 10/12 he wanted to leave for her but wasn't sure when. I kicked him out 1/13 he came home 3/13 to work on things found out 6/13 he was seeing her again kicked him out 8/13. Right from the start he wanted to come back 10/13 he came back and swore this is what he wanted seemed at first to be trying very hard.
He didn't quit his job but worked opposite shift, not that it mattered. He said it was just friends on his part, but I got a hold of another text sunday from her saying how much she loves him. I took all his crap up to his work that night and told his coworker to have him call her to get it. I also took my van (our only working vehichle right now.)
He walked home calling our 18 yo to get him, thinking I was going to give him the van to bring his stuff back.
He calls the kids everynight and sounds sad, like he's crying. I've spoke/texted to him a few times and he's made comments that he wants to come back here and he's not happy.
Here's the thing, I spoke to OW's ex and this is something she does, she did it with another man for 5 years back and forth, and every relationship she's been in has began and ended in cheating. I can't put my kids through this again. I'm not sure I want him back here, I've already spoken to a lawyer.
I'm not sure I have feelings for him anymore. He said something stupid about no money for his lunches and for a second I felt bad for him, but then I was like whose fault is that?
I feel like he wants to have his fun and then come back here when he's done. He had 2 other chances and he threw it in my face, and he will not quit his job. and if he was really so unhappy why stay? Why not make things right with his family?
I really don't know what to do here, I have 8 kids to take into consideration. I never though he would do this again.

marriage as a whole for men and women is status

 

[AtomicUse]

This the shyt that goes through my head when I see people out and about on dates now. thecoli and these other forums(I just browse) have tarnished my mind. I'll see a couple out on a date and wonder which one of em is the side piece, if the waitress girl knows that the dude put his phone number on the receipt on purpose.

all still photos also mean NOTHING now. People smile for the camera with thier partner then hop on the computer and post this stuff up. I fell for that shyt till I was ~24, I caught on late. But fortunately that was before my career started and I started getting my hands on post college money.


That Austin dude is a straight sociopath. How you move into the apartment right above the broad you cheated on? No remorse

...and damn at the dude getting played by that fat white broad. That's disgusting.

 

[MikelArteta]

Its crazy that half of marriages end in the divorce and the other half are couples who hate each other but stay together for the kid, or one spouse doesn't know there getting played, or going to counseling and working on it.

Same with relationships, people smile up in pictures bit getting played or physically or emotional abuse .

Ah well stays single n watches football

This the shyt that goes through my head when I see people out and about on dates now. thecoli and these other forums(I just browse) have tarnished my mind. I'll see a couple out on a date and wonder which one of em is the side piece, if the waitress girl knows that the dude put his phone number on the receipt on purpose.

all still photos also mean NOTHING now. People smile for the camera with thier partner then hop on the computer and post this stuff up. I fell for that shyt till I was ~24, I caught on late. But fortunately that was before my career started and I started getting my hands on post college money.


That Austin dude is a straight sociopath. How you move into the apartment right above the broad you cheated on? No remorse

...and damn at the dude getting played by that fat white broad. That's disgusting.

 

[MikelArteta]

Ok, so... I don't expect any of you to remember this, but a few months back I was going through a perplexing and confusing time around being married and feeling attracted to other men (specifically black men, don't analyse me please). Well it's always been there, just dormant and have just not gone there in my mind by choice, as you do as a married woman. Well, that's still there and probably always will be, but the circumstances that arose around that time have settled alot. The circumstances were that during a good but unsettling time in my marriage (H in job limbo and selling our property to buy a house), for whatever reason I found myself having inappropriate thoughts about other men and my radar was a bit switched on. On the space of a week, a gut I happened to meet in a normal, appropriate situation flirted and asked me out, I said no but in my frame of mind at the time I enjoyed the attention and I said I was in a relationship of 4 months, rather than a marriage of 6 years. No details were exchanged, I have no chance of seeing him again, but my response to that situation troubled me.

A second situation arose, again the situation itself was innocent (a new bible study group at work). I sensed this guy (who I found attractive but made absolutely none of that evident) was interested. I didn't know I was supposed to bring a bible, and this guy who ended up sitting himself next to me shared his iPad app with me. Well... sitting close with this guy, personal space, in my frame of mind, was not helpful. I had gone back to that bible study a second time, same thing happened, but have not been back since.

Although I got through both trials, I felt weakened somehow.

There was.a third situation which I have not shared in detail, and this is something I find hard to share as I know many here have been hurt. On the offset, olive will say that nothing "happened". I was in a crazy frame of mind and those two earlier situations did not help. I am wondering now if it was a manic episode or something like that (yes I am Bipolar). for this reason I increased my mess which seemed to help. I was also having sleep issues for months leading up to that week.

So what happened the third time was that I was googling things I shouldn't be, and I found someone in my area on craigslist and sent a message. In the week that followed, a few messages went back and forth. I told him straight out that I was married and not sure if this was for me, but possibly interested in a one off discreet affair. He said he was open to it. Nothing explicit was exchanged,.it, no racy photos, sexual talk, but we arranged to talk on the phone. That conversation was more, how does this kind of thing work, what are.you looking for etc. The second chat was say a week layer, I told him I had made my decision and that I couldn't go down this path

Between the two conversions, and over this whole time, olive was really troubled, praying to God for help, telling myself I need to talk to H and turn away from this immediately. I did manage to find the courage to talk to him, it was really really difficult and I got through the first two but didn't make it to situation no 3. But it made me realise that I did not want to go through with this or hurt him in this way. Even though it was not a full confession, it was very sobering bringing this into the light.

The temptation is still.there, but I don't feel like it's taking over my mind. But it's not completely gone.

I know I should tell him the rest, I know that's the tight.thing.to do, even though in my mind I could try to justify.it saying "well nothing happened so there's nothing to confess"

This is all I can write for now. Thx for reading, will share installment no 2 tomorrow re the H's sex.addiction which adds a whole bunch of fun to the mix

Peace

 

[MikelArteta]

I'm signing divorce papers tomorrow and have a year waiting period. My wife started sexting other men and sending them nude pics last February. I didn't know it until April and told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I didn't know about this until I found out about a month ago. She had been swearing the whole time i was a bad husband. She told me yesterday morning it was over and she didn't love me. Is there any way to break the addiction and make her fall in love with me again? Or is this addiction something impossible to ever break? She doesn't see it for what it is. It caused her to detach from me and lose all her feelings. But she says it was way before the internet stuff. Maybe so but it all started after the internet. Just wondering if anyone had any experience with this

 

[Spy]

This thread depresses me, how can American men be so bytch made. Makes me wanna be like 50 Cent, run up on em with a switch blade, no hassle!

 

[MikelArteta]

I cheated on my husband
I wrote on this forum before and received great advice. However, I was asking about another man while being married to someone else. It was something I was not brave enough to say and face your harsh comments. I understand that after reading this I will get what I deserve and I do not blame you. My husband did not make me cheat on him. It was my inability to deal with all of our problems before all of it happened. It was my fault; my selfishness.

Long story short. I married my husband at very young age. He was my first and only boyfriend. I did not even kiss anyone before. Year after year, our marriage was getting worse from emotional to physical abuse. My husband and I lost respect for each other. I was not even 30 and felt lost and lonely. When I told my husband how I felt, he always laughed and said that I do have problem in my head, because he is happy with our marriage. I still remember his sarcastic laugh. I asked for going into therapy, he laughed again.

When I met a man I was talking about on this forum; everything seemed so messy even though my husband and I were trying to do better.
This other man was very sweet through his messages. I told him right away I was married, but our conversations did not stop. I liked his attention, his sweet words. I did not think how much I can hurt my husband with my actions. After some time, I met him in person. I was very much attracted to him. He kissed me after very short time, but when he pulled his ... out, I simply left. One would think, that normal married person would never meet him or never come back. I did.

I told him I can't sleep with him, but I loved his company. I overlooked everything from pulling his ... out on each date to playful slapping my face. Each time we met he was trying to push for sex which actually happened after 5th date. He said my "stop" was not loud enough.
Looking back, I was falling for him besides being naive and very selfish. I cared for him and all I could think of was him.
This guy said he wants to marry me before actually knowing me. How naive can you be not to see it like a red flag?
How naive can you be not to see it when someone tells you how much they miss you while asking for sexy pictures over and over again even though your refused before? How naive you have to be when someone texts you they love you before even dating you?
Each time when I felt something was wrong, I did opposite of what part of me wanted to do.
After sex, all of his texting stopped for about 3 months. I tried to forget him, but never really did. Then he started to text again with compliments, miss yous. And again - I was happy.
I asked myself many times that if he misses me so much, why he won't stay in touch? Why his messages are 3 words long?

Ten months passed and he was back in his town. He said he wants to see me very much. I asked him if sex was not involved, if he wanted to see me...He said yes but then added that he likes sex and it makes him sad that I want to be his friend only. He also said he loves me but he knows he will never get a chance to be with me.
Last time we met, he was talking about our future, how he wants to have kids with me. He said girls are stupid, but I am different...He was just like always-charming while pushing for sex. I refused. He told me he does not know what I want from him. He said I don't want sex, I don't want or can't date him.

I honestly don't get myself. What am I doing? Why am I this terribly selfish and unfair towards my husband? He does not deserve this.
Then I also wonder why can't I let go of this other man? He texts once in a while stuff like...I am sad without you..but when I reply, he won't. He keeps saying he misses me...then won't talk again.
Maybe this whole time, I was just paranoid about this OM. Maybe he was not playing games and I just don't understand point of his view. Who knows. Maybe I am the bad guy after all.
I want to let go of him even though I do have feelings for him. I do not want to hurt my husband anymore. I wish everything what happened between me and this other man would never happened. But it's too late now. What would you do?

 

[Michael's Black Son]

I never entered this thread before but some of the posts from that site

 

[ORDER_66]

Some of these women are just fukking crazy and demonic... Oh it's not his fault, i cant stop cheating. well if you out the crack pipe down and went cold turkey and stop being an attention whore maybe things would change...

I'm telling you guys, once she cheats you might as well end it. You dont wanna go through stress trying to keep an emotionally deranged bytch under lock and key.

 

[cfountain]

This thread is something else
I love when it gets upped.

 

[Jayson_bourn]

The stories of the husbands cheating just solidified how HOH I really am.

I couldn't even get into the whole story before laughing at the bolded

Spoiler

I just found out my husband (we have been married two years and dated for 2 years before that) have been cheating on me with escorts ever since we got married. My husband is a very loving and caring person and fulfills all his responsibilities. I thought our marriage was perfect and my husband was perfect until I found this out. He claims that he loves me and he is a sex addict and desperately needs help.he hasn't gone to any escorts in last 2 months because he is fighting with his addiction. He seems really guilty but I am having a hard time to accept that there might be such thing as 'sex addiction' and I feel he is using that as an excuse to get away with all the wrong things he has done. I am not sure iftI want to give him a second chance or not. I can not stop picturing him with different prostitues and that thought makes me sick. We are still very young and have just started to settle down in our lives and I did not want it to go like this. Anyone else experienced the same? Is this addiction curable? He Is willing to do anything to save our marriage and is ready for therapy and counselling. What is the root cause of this addiction? My husband had an abusive childhood. His parents never treated him right. Can it be the reason? Is such marriage worth giving a second Chance? Or I should just move on with my life? Can such narrisged turn into a successful marriage after therapy? Sorry for the long post but I an in desperate need of help

I aint shyt bruhs