11 months ago my wife gave me a letter stating she wanted to separate. She had suffered a pshychotic breakdown a month before that and said that her reasons for leaving were for her mental health. In the following months it came to light that since her breakdown she had been having an emotional affair with her interstate ex-booty call. They were doing the whole dirty text, photos and phone sex thing - all of which she lied about repeatedly. She basically drip fed me the truth over the course of the next 3 months and only admitted things when she knew she was caught out. At one point, she looked me in the eye, told me she loved me and promised me she had told me the truth about everything now. Shortly after that I found out that she was still lying about the affair. After much pleading and I'm not proud to say, begging on two separate occasions, she finally agreed to go to marriage counselling, but it was clear she was not really interested in reconciling. After 6 months of counselling (three of those she was constantly lying about the affair), she emailed me to say that it was over and she had no interest in trying to save the marriage. She said her mental health was too important and she needed to be the best mother she could be for our kids.
I've since found out through mutual friends that the entire time we were in counselling she was telling her friends that there was no way things would work out and that it was a pointless exercise. Apart from the significant financial outlay, I feel so completely stupid and humiliated that I was trying so hard to save our marriage and telling people that we were working though things and the entire time she had already made her decision and was basically just placating me.
We have two beautiful boys, one with autism, so there is no way I can just walk away from her completely and have nothing to do with her ever again and I'm finding it very hard to deal with her at the moment. I say hello and goodbye when I pick up and drop off the boys and that's it. Part of me wants to explode at her sometimes and tell her what a selfish, cowardly, lying, cheating ***** I think she is, but I've come to realise, that she wouldn't care what I said now.
How do you deal with the humiliation and being played for such a fool? How long am I going to feel like this? I used to feel fairly self confident and that I had a lot to offer someone, but now I feel almost like everything I thought and felt was special and real was completely fake. My friends keep telling me there are plenty more fish in the sea and someone will appreciate me, but I have absolutely no confidence or self esteem now. How can you, when the person you have devoted your life to, just throws you away like that?
I'm getting regular counselling, but just feel so lost right now. Any advice would be so helpful.
:yadontsay:
@Emperor_ReinScarf Check out this pic from that site that perfectly displays the desperation of simps and suckers not giving up on foul women who have completely checked out of the relationship/marriage -
