"I stayed because I was embarrassed"

[NotaPAWG]

Physical abuse manifests into psychological abuse which keeps people (men and women stay in abusive relationships) in horrible situations. It’s not right and it’s also not straightforward or grounded in common sense. It actually goes against common sense.

Ive never been in an abusive relationship and therefore I don’t fully understand which is why I keep my mouth shut. Having a strong opinion on something you obviously don’t understand makes you look like a fool.

other way around. mental abuse manifests before the physical. the mental that’s already been being fed through manipulation, gaslighting, stone wall walling sets the ground for you to deal with the physical, the physical doesn’t even feel as bad compared to all the other things going on.

before you even know your abuser or an abuser is even in a relationship they are an abuser. because of their value system, morals, lack of empathy, entitlement, controlling behavior.

i’m the only person my abuser has been in a serious relationship with. and it’s fukking mind blowing how advanced his manipulation games, abusive tactics are for someone who’s only 21. he literally manipulates women so good. he has his entire female family members fooled. turned them all against me to make himself into the victim, had all the people we worked with tooled. his entire congregation and brother hood. this isn’t something he’s been perfecting since a damn toddler

 

[Booker T Garvey]

My friend and his baby momma/girlfriend's situation is like this, if she ever leaves him that's her ass and he'd probably take himself out too

 

[86\*/98]

Alright people I'll return to this thread later but I've got to get ready for a brunch date at Whole Foods. You know, doing a little courting to make sure she's not crazy before I let her into my life in a real way.

I now that sounds like trolling but I'm serious. Peace.

 

[BrehWyatt]

If she was so "embarrassed" about it, then why does she feel so comfortable telling this to a mixed group now?

As far as I can tell, the embarrassment side of it comes from being in the situation. That's when you're most vulnerable and most affected by poor judgement and discernment.

Getting out of the situation can be empowering from a survival standpoint. I'd imagine most people who go through some really rough shyt in life are like that. When they're going through it, they aren't really talking about it. When things turn around, they can look back on it, say they survived, and if somebody else goes through a similar situation they can be a source of inspiration or strength to help that person through.

 

[LebronsHairline]

This wasn’t cool Op, I know of an older woman who was domestically abused but stayed because she didn’t want to raise her son as a single mother.

I have to neg.

The second she chose to have a kid wit a bum nikka is the second she chose to be a single mother

 

[Json]

Those "certain types" are dumb or like abuse is all I'm saying.

Unless it’s a sex kink, I’ve never met a woman who likes getting hit in the face or punched.

It’s conditioning.

You ever met a 5 or 6 year old who wants to push drugs or get shot on street corner in a drive-by as a life goal?

Now you put that kid in a crappy school 300 days a year(ceiling cracked, brown water) and society, family telling them they are worthless cause of their poverty.

Yeah. Some will come through and some won’t.

But don’t tell me those that fail it’s cause they liked it.

 

[NotaPAWG]

Thoughts and prayers feels like such cheap reply nowadays but I’m hoping you find the strength in all parts of your life needed to overcome.

And yes, the black-and-white abusers look like narrative is part of how we reinforce staying in.

So what if he’s inconsiderate, belittles your feelings. He has a good job and takes you out to fancy dinners!!! You gonna be alone(as if you cannot be alone in a relationship?)

A woman who dangerously diets to look good for her man cause he criticizes her weight can be physical/emotional abuse. It’s not only black eyes and swollen lips cause that’s easy to see.

it sounds fukked up, but that physical shyt ain’t nothing compared to the emotional in my experiences. the emotional and mental is pure torture.

i remember one day i came to him cause i was feeling down about some things in life. i came to him for comfort. to be a rock, support etc should be a normal interaction right? with love and support? no.. he cussed me out for being a burden, as i was typing told me of i didn’t shut the fukk up he’d block me for being a “pestilence”.. i said “okay” he called me a fukking bytch and gave me the silent treatment until he manipulated me into apologizing.

it left me so confused, hurt, wondering what i did wrong? feeling shameful for even voicing my feelings to him. how does wanting to open up to your significant other about struggles you’re going through turn into them belittling you and using the silent treatment to manipulate you?

my busted lips, bruises, nots on my head went away... the hurt from those type of scenarios. that’s the real shyt that’s very hard.

 

[Dad]

Again, choose better, the signs of an abuse dude are there, people choose to ignore and get the consequences...

If I chose a ratchet broad and I get got, that is all on me....

Women choose to be beat?

 

[Json]

As far as I can tell, the embarrassment side of it comes from being in the situation. That's when you're most vulnerable and most affected by poor judgement and discernment.

Getting out of the situation can be empowering from a survival standpoint. I'd imagine most people who go through some really rough shyt in life are like that. When they're going through it, they aren't really talking about it. When things turn around, they can look back on it, say they survived, and if somebody else goes through a similar situation they can be a source of inspiration or strength to help that person through.

Plus you have the danger of the abuser’s ego
not wanting info to get out or fail to control.

I always wonder why those true crime people go through all the trouble of staging an elaborate murder on a cruise ship/hiking trail and not just divorce? Or accept the divorce?

They’ll have full on mistresses and pregnant but let the other person put their foot down is....murder.

 

[Matt504]

Alright people I'll return to this thread later but I've got to get ready for a brunch date at Whole Foods. You know, doing a little courting to make sure she's not crazy before I let her into my life in a real way.

I now that sounds like trolling but I'm serious. Peace.

I don't think it's you that has to worry. thoughts and prayers to that young lady though.

 

[NinoBrown]

Women choose to be beat?

Some choose wisely, others poorly, I don't make the rules.....

 

[Dad]

Some choose wisely, others poorly, I don't make the rules.....

That’s a yes. According to you, women deserve to beat

 

[NinoBrown]

That’s a yes. According to you, women deserve to beat

Your words....not mine chief....

 

[Dad]

Your words....not mine chief....

‘people choose to ignore and get the consequences...’

 

[threattonature]

Unless it’s a sex kink, I’ve never met a woman who likes getting hit in the face or punched.

It’s conditioning.

You ever met a 5 or 6 year old who wants to push drugs or get shot on street corner in a drive-by as a life goal?

Now you put that kid in a crappy school 300 days a year(ceiling cracked, brown water) and society, family telling them they are worthless cause of their poverty.

Yeah. Some will come through and some won’t.

But don’t tell me those that fail it’s cause they liked it.

On the flip side there are plenty of stores of kids coming up in a good household with good money who gravitated towards that life as well. There are just a lot of people out there who are attracted to danger and love the rush. Now I wouldn't categorize that as the majority of women in abusive relationships but there are a large amount who love the danger of the situation.

I learned through one of my former close female friends. She was in an abusive relationship for years where we told her to get away from dude. She finally gets away and dates a few nice guys and was bored and went back to dude. He swears he had changed. He of course ends up beating her ass again. I asked for his info because I was about to go fight him myself since I don't play that abuse shyt. She refused to give it up since she loved him and didn't want to see him get hurt.