"I stayed because I was embarrassed"

[Taadow]

The woman is dead. What other consequences do you want her to face? Your judgement isn’t going to affect her. She’s dead. The way you all keep going on and on about a story of domestic violence and focusing solely on the woman that was killed and paying little attention to the man that killed her is truly disturbing. You all are holding her more accountable than him.

That sword cuts both ways:


The woman is dead. What are your kind words or "thoughts and prayers" gonna to help her?
Your goodwill isn't going to affect her. She's dead. The way you all keep going on and on about
the threadstarter (who had nothing to do with the murder victim) and paying little attention to the idea that the altogether separate woman he was talking to was choosing to cohabitate with her abuser just to keep up appearances is truly dumb. You are holding him more accountable than her.

 

[Chelsea Bridge]

That sword cuts both ways:


The woman is dead. What are your kind words or "thoughts and prayers" gonna to help her?
Your goodwill isn't going to affect her. She's dead. The way you all keep going on and on about
the threadstarter (who had nothing to do with the murder victim) and paying little attention to the idea that the altogether separate woman he was talking to was choosing to cohabitate with her abuser just to keep up appearances is truly dumb. You are holding him more accountable than her.

How am I holding him accountable? I was basically saying to leave the dead woman alone (she’s already suffered for her decisions. No need to keep attacking her). If you want to have a conversation on why women or anyone stays with their abusers than do so but this thread is him just saying he doesn’t care.

 

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[Chelsea Bridge]

I didn’t jump for joy because she died I just don’t feel bad for her. She never would’ve been in that situation if she chose better. But she didn’t choose better because she was trash too and there’s no way around that.

If someone dates a loser they’re a loser too.

Your baby mama ain’t shyt, neither are you.
Your man or ex is a fukk boy, then you were a fukk bytch at the time you were with him.

shyt is shyt.

Ok and if you ever make a bad decision on the person you choose to be in a relationship with, I hope you keep that same energy.

When I make mistakes, I don’t expect sympathy but I also don’t expect to lose my life because of it

 

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[Taadow]

How am I holding him accountable? I was basically saying to leave the dead woman alone (she’s already suffered for her decisions. No need to keep attacking her).

She can't hear anything he saying. She's dead.

If you want to have a conversation on why women or anyone stays with their abusers than do so but this thread is him just saying he doesn’t care.

He started the thread - it can be about whatever the Sam Hill he wants it to be about.
Nothing you or anybody has to say in this thread is gonna change the situation at hand.

 

[Chelsea Bridge]

She can't hear anything he saying. She's dead.





He started the thread - it can be about whatever the Sam Hill he wants it to be about.
Nothing you or anybody has to say in this thread is gonna change the situation at hand.

I already said that she can’t hear it.

Duh to your second point.

I’m entitled to my opinion just like you’re saying he and you are entitled to yours. Nothing you say is going to change how I feel and nothing I say will change you feel.

So now we’re at a stalemate, what’s the next step? How about just agree to disagree and move on?

 

[Taadow]

I already said that she can’t hear it.

Then WTF do you mean "stop attacking her"?

 

[Bubba T]

dap fishing and pandering to women on the coli


ain't gonna get u no p*ssy nikka.

simp ass nikka

 

[Youseenmywork]

I think when you mature or get up in age you stop trying to figure out why women make the choices they make. My grandmother would say it useless I'm debating not arguing with a women. I agree these days . A lot of this shyt I've been hearing since I was just a boy. The shut and make a sandwich crowd or we are equal with men or I'm never going to be submissive. I love when they say well yeah I chose him but he lied .... Women have have no idea how much it wears on man when a women isn't accountable and responsible. Then turn it around and it's always a man's fault. Yeah there is shyt that women that go threw and you be like damn . I remember one time I was about 12 yr old and I tried to do something a girl had done ...Mann my uncle punched me in the chest and gave me one of the great lessons. "You can do what women do you will grow to be a man. Women and men aren't the same . Women can bend reality but men cant. When men try it looks bad as a man and it shows a lack maturity."

 

[Draje]

She realized she made a bad decision and decided to continue making bad decisions because family had previously told her she was making a bad decision?

I like how you’re phrasing this as some really strange phenomenon as if loads of social science and studies from people who have PHDs in studying these things have documented stuff like this as pretty common. Especially when mixed with other psychological ticks like the sunken cost fallacy.

Yes, people get embarrassed and double down on mistakes they made when other people frame those mistakes as attacks on their character. Especially when some of the easiest targets of abuse are people with empathetic and caring personality traits. People who tend to try to see good in people or aim to please.

Not only that but y’all are looking at this from completely objective standpoint with no emotional stakes which is not how relationships or people work.

Abusers tend to be good at manipulating people and circumstances to breed an us vs. them mindset in the honeymoon phase too.

 

[King Khufu]

This story is ignorance in itself all around.

Truth is you can't seek gaining goods in a bad situation.

Too Much Sauce!

 

[Hungerpain]

White girl gets her ass beat,cheated on and dogged out by some lil nikka that cant even buy Liquor and is in here using every big word in the dictionary to explain why she still wit him and how abusers are these magical wizards from another galaxy that can bend time and all this other dumb shyt.

Nah you and 99% of "victims" that find they self in these situations is just weak bytches that like getting dikked down and shytted on by scumbags and cant get enough.
End of story.

 

[Krazy K]

I like how you’re phrasing this as some really strange phenomenon as if loads of social science and studies from people who have PHDs in studying these things have documented stuff like this as pretty common. Especially when mixed with other psychological ticks like the sunken cost fallacy.

Yes, people get embarrassed and double down on mistakes they made when other people frame those mistakes as attacks on their character. Especially when some of the easiest targets of abuse are people with empathetic and caring personality traits. People who tend to try to see good in people or aim to please.

Not only that but y’all are looking at this from completely objective standpoint with no emotional stakes which is not how relationships or people work.

Abusers tend to be good at manipulating people and circumstances to breed an us vs. them mindset in the honeymoon phase too.

Anyone with sense knows this is common. I never said it wasn't and didn't phrase it that way. I phrased it like it was stupid cause it is. It's also common for people to shoot themselves playing with loaded guns. Which is also stupid

 

[Canon]

no but i do have empathy for my abuser, actually. why you think i’m still with him? going through this hell? cause i care about him and an empathetic to his situation. even though deep down i know he won’t change. we’ve talked about this type of thing with each other, generational curses, our family dysfunction harming us, how his has harmed others etc

it’s not so black and white.

i didn’t realize i even had a codependency issue until i got into this relationship. or even realized why i was always attracting bad partners. or really know just how bad my child hood fukked me up until this relationship.()

and i think it’s really obtuse on your end to compare the two.. the abuser and the abused. yes both have issues they need to change. they are actually two sides of the same coin, the empath/codependent and the narcissist/abuser. both people traumatized some way from child hood, one of them internalizes and becomes a empath, the other a sociopath/narcissist/abuser.

but the abused isn’t the one wreaking warfare in peoples lives. actually, empaths and codependents (the types of people most abusers seek out) have a bad habit of going over the line of taking responsibility, not just for themselves but other people to the point it’s detrimental to their well being. hence why abusers seek out these people to keep up theirs false self they’ve created and never have to be introspective and apology because the empath or codependent apologizes on their behalf.

it’s a really complex issue that all of you in this thread are trying to simplify rather than to understand psychologically what is actually going on in these relationships. there’s so many factors and it’s hard to put just how complex the issue is into words to get someone to really understand it.

saw your post in the gems with women thread

i knew your dumbass wasn't going anywhere. good lord i can't take women seriously.