If you are over 35, why are you single?
- Thread starter cocoabutter27
- Start date
In my 40's...been married for more than 15 years, which is why my friends always talk to me about this. But I got married because he talked me into it..soo really wanting to get married and it not happening is odd to me. Most people ask for what they want..if yes, proceed. If no, find someone who will say yes. My hubby said this was a good idea and i rolled with him. He was mostly right
My cousin knows I've had struggles dating and I'd ultimately want to find someone to invest my time in. His advice? "yo, you need get on POF and meet you some women
" I'm not against online dating but being in your mid 30's and using POF
" I'm not against online dating but being in your mid 30's and using POF
cocoabutter27
Pro
get off my lawn!StickStickly
Superstar
I don't agree with this. Women marry because they want emotional intimacy with their partner and the type of emotional intimacy from a man feels different than the kind you get from girlfriends. It's valuable and desirable, it feels good and brings out the best in you and makes you kinder and caring for another human being. It also makes women feel sexual towards their partner. You make it sound like women are horrible and just want the ring and the marriage certificate. Honestly that kind of opinion of why women get married is jaded and sounds rooted in bad experiences and cynical generalizations rather than really sitting down and asking women why they want physical marriage.
You have to consider that just because something is conditioned, doesn't make it bad or erroneous. Our culture, though progressing, still puts value on marriage. It's seen as the ultimate commitment and don't forget for religious women and women in good families, marriage is what long term partnership is supposed to be or you risk your salvation. For many women, Marriage makes your relationship legitimate. You're not just some ho in his life who he's using for sex. He sees you as a valuable human being.
Maybe I'm the odd one out or I've been listening to these men who say women are predatory if they want marriage or that all married men resent their wives and lives, but I've been hesitant to marry my long term boyfriend. I have no problem going through life unmarried but still with him, but he wants the actual marriage. I'm not going to be someone he resents later inlife. I'm not going to do it, but it seems like we (women) are damned if we do damned if we don't. If someone were to say to me that they're scarficing to be with me it would be a complete turn off. It's so ambivalent and dismissive, it negates the whole statement about wanting to be with a woman. "I want to have more sex with you and take trips with you BUUUUUT I have to sacrifice my freedom time and money BUUUUT if it's what I have to do than I gueessss". Imagine hearing that, imagine knowing that's how your partner feels lol.
. No one wants a lukewarm partnership. Honestly that terrifies me about men.
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Live in los angeles...chicks every where
But in all honesty, finding a black woman without kids and not into material shyt is like a black woman finding a brother who works
But in all honesty, finding a black woman without kids and not into material shyt is like a black woman finding a brother who works
It varies...but like one dude said...marrying someone else most likely will involve u changing ur life and having to accommodate the other person and their issues into ur life. Think about if u choose a woman who is very demanding and clingy and needy...u may don't have the time or energy to deal with that. Supposed if a woman is used to going out when she wants to...but she dates a dominant man who always wanna know her whereabouts and is pressed and gets mad or jealous easily when she is gone too long. That can be a lot to deal with.
Then, with the high divorce rates nowadays and how some men can get the shyt end of the stick...marriage and the possible negative consequences can make them skeptical to enter one.
However, marriage is still a good look in society when u are high in society like in politics, high end jobs, etc. Some will question those who never been married at a certain age and wonder "whats wrong with u."
Then, with the high divorce rates nowadays and how some men can get the shyt end of the stick...marriage and the possible negative consequences can make them skeptical to enter one.
However, marriage is still a good look in society when u are high in society like in politics, high end jobs, etc. Some will question those who never been married at a certain age and wonder "whats wrong with u."
People's conception of love needs to change too. Love is not just about emotions. Hollywood got everybody messed up
It's about sacrifice, loyalty, each party trying to put the family unit first, each party living up to their roles and responsibilities, going through shyt together and helping each other through hard times.. That's how true love is built. It requires action. It's not just a passive emotion
Feelings do play a role, but if ppl approach marriage with a selfish, "what's in it for me" type of mentality, then they're asking for trouble.
cocoabutter27
Pro
usually women
I actually agree. But both men and women are told the sky is the limit as far as their options are concerned. It makes people who have low self-esteem feel worse when they have to think about "limits". It is a fine line....
Constant sex and companionship is all it is some days. People have to be okay with routine. I had a girlfriend who grew up in an abusive household. Her mom verbally, emotionally and physically abused her daughters. Her dad would try to calm her down and then gave up and would go for a drive because his wife would abuse him as well. Anyway, my friend associated drama with love. All her relationships were like that. Her first husband was a cheater and abuser. When she finally divorced him and met her now second husband, she constantly tried to pick fights. She planned on breaking up with him multiple times because "he won't argue with me". Told her to stop being silly and settle down and let him love her. She finally got with the program and they have been married about 5 years now...she is deliriously happy. She is highly intelligent, but definitely had to adjust her idea of normal.
Dated a women fitting the bolded almost exact. We weren't together long but her history of abusive, fighting and argumentative relationships and previous marriage made her think that was normal. After we started dated she complained to her gf that I wouldn't argue with her and she thought there was something wrong with us. She was constantly trying to pick fights with me over the smallest shyt. Her gf warned me before we got involved that she is hard to date and very petty, I learned my lesson.
To answer OP, single due to working on myself and trying to meet some compatible female friends and take it from there.
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Khadafhi
50 States
Uhh by choice?
cocoabutter27
Pro
I said the ones who DIDN'T want to be single. Everyone is not single by choice.
