Im fighting demons and I need help. Please Assist. No Troll

[O.T.I.S.]

I look very good on the outside. Its just like I feel like the devil has a hold on me internally. I wouldnt say im insecure. Just mad at my position in life.




Im okay financailly. and No im not the only child.



I dont do any type of drugs and I dont drink like that...maybe 8 times a year , i take a drink



somebody was about to die in front of me and i just sat there with a blank dumb ass look.

Regardless on how you look it's how you feel too. If you're angry, especially if you're angry, then you usually don't want to see anyone doing, having, or enjoying the shyt you're not that's making you feel angry.


You got to try to find that peace breh. Like I said, I used to get angry now I'm like it's pointless because not everyone has everything they truly want... And some people work harder.


I've been fukked over and had so much recent bad luck in the past couple years that I was angry too. I actually have to sit down and write out the things I like doing that makes me happy or feel good, because I don't have too many things anymore. From constant surgeries, failed relationships, to bullshyt with my job, trouble with law, etc., shyt gets depressing and sometimes there's just anger because I feel like something's out to get me


And that might have been why you didn't help dude. I don't know if I couldn't help someone choking, but there were times where I didn't feel like helping someone because I was angry at my situations.


Maybe go and talk to a therapist too man.

 

[TwistedMetal]

ETA: I watched this one youtube doc about these people who went on a retreat in south america
When they were there, they took a special drink (psychedelics, herbs or something??)

You saw the woman hallucinating and going in and out of consciousness
It only lasted for a couple days and afterwards she was fine

She went to cure her depression from childhood trauma and said nothing has helped
After the retreat, she was fine and was happier. It was like a brain cleanse.

 

[Brandon M.]

I think a lot of people nowadays have become numb and desensitized
People can look death and extremely disturbing videos and not feel an ounce of emotion


Idk, if drugs or alcohol are the answer. It may make it worse and just mask shyt.
It could just be your personality. As long as you don't turn into a psychopath then idk

Maybe do some meditation, exercise, check your nutrition, find hobbies...

i think its the whole desensitised thing too. when i saw they cut those people in iraq's heads off on the internet about 10 years , i was like damn, is this real

i dont do drugs, rarely drink.....i run like 3 miles 4 days out the week, im great on the outside...this is completely demons , evil controlling some of my thoughts...i've never hurt anyone .

 

[Brandon M.]

Regardless on how you look it's how you feel too. If you're angry, especially if you're angry, then you usually don't want to see anyone doing, having, or enjoying the shyt you're not that's making you feel angry.


You got to try to find that peace breh. Like I said, I used to get angry now I'm like it's pointless because not everyone has everything they truly want... And some people work harder.


I've been fukked over and had so much recent bad luck in the past couple years that I was angry too. I actually have to sit down and write out the things I like doing that makes me happy or feel good, because I don't have too many things anymore. From constant surgeries, failed relationships, to bullshyt with my job, trouble with law, etc., shyt gets depressing and sometimes there's just anger because I feel like something's out to get me


And that might have been why you didn't help dude. I don't know if I couldn't help someone choking, but there were times where I didn't feel like helping someone because I was angry at my situations.


Maybe go and talk to a therapist too man.

i have to find one thats not close by and who might not know anyone i know. therapist. i never had that experience before to just put it all on the table and let someone listen

 

[Brandon M.]

its not a genuine happiness for my brehs its a fake happiness ...i cant get past it.

 

[Ghost Utmost]

 

[ScoopNScore]

u just hit this shyt right on the button...............its just an inner feeling i have........i dont let no one know.....im like a people person. always smiling and laughing or making people laugh....but deep down im mad , im mad cause im not where im supposed to be , even tho i put so much work in. and then i see people who didnt put that same amount of work in be better off than me. im just hating for no fukking reason smh

I suggest finding something you're good at and making it your hobby. Sometimes, if a person is feeling like they can't appreciate others, then maybe it's something that they wanted to achieve but never quite made it, so they want everyone else to be in the same boat. It's all about keeping your mind busy and finding that one thing you can make personal progress on.
Don't worry about others either, it's not about how you get to the top of the mountain, it's about carving your own path up there.

 

[Brandon M.]

I suggest finding something you're good at and making it your hobby. Sometimes, if a person is feeling like they can't appreciate others, then maybe it's something that they wanted to achieve but never quite made it, so they want everyone else to be in the same boat. It's all about keeping your mind busy and finding that one thing you can make personal progress on.
Don't worry about others either, it's not about how you get to the top of the mountain, it's about carving your own path up there.

thanks man, needed that.

 

[Lifer11]

Start to keep a journal, sit down and write your thoughts down, even the most trivial ones. Spend time in meditation. The better you get to know yourself, the easier it will be to identify why and when these thoughts are arising, and through slow deliberate self-reflection and positive affirmations you can learn to conquer these "demons" or vices/bad habits etc. Get to the bottom of your most primitive desires/personality traits (greed, power, sense of control/inferiority complex etc.), when you identify these things you can understand why you don't like to see others do well and overcome it and realize your success is not dependent on other people's failures. Becoming a better human being is a long never ending journey, but it is worth it if you really desire to be one.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

i have to find one thats not close by and who might not know anyone i know. therapist. i never had that experience before to just put it all on the table and let someone listen

They usually can't disclose other peoples private information. Unless you're worried about running into someone

 

[Ciggavelli]

At least you recognize you have some problems. Someone truly evil wouldn't even recognize that

 

[Brandon M.]

Start to keep a journal, sit down and write your thoughts down, even the most trivial ones. Spend time in meditation. The better you get to know yourself, the easier it will be to identify why and when these thoughts are arising, and through slow deliberate self-reflection and positive affirmations you can learn to conquer these "demons" or vices/bad habits etc. Get to the bottom of your most primitive desires/personality traits (greed, power, sense of control/inferiority complex etc.), when you identify these things you can understand why you don't like to see others do well and overcome it and realize your success is not dependent on other people's failures. Becoming a better human being is a long never ending journey, but it is worth it if you really desire to be one.

thanks, ill do that. i dont think imma bad person...but my thoughts are demonic and evil

 

[nalej]

You should try volunteering somewhere so you can see that not only is your life not that bad compare to others but also how good it feels to help people out. I believe we all start out wanting to help one another but factors in life cause some of us to become selfish and hateful. Make a conscious effort to change and good luck.

 

[Mr. Somebody]

I froze when i saw a 18 wheeler truck tipped over on the driver side in front of me with gas leaking al over the place. I thought. OMGosh friends i dont want to burn alive like the movies. Someone who was closer to the incident said *ITS JUST DIESAL!! * then went to kick out the window shield to help. Later a friend at work said *yea, deisal fuel doesnt go up in flames like the movies. * I felt like such a coward. I have saved someone from choking to death and tried to save someone who was drowning who nearly killed me. Fire though. I dunno friend. Keep trying though friend and you maybe you'll pass your next test of courage.

 

[Mr. Somebody]

thanks, ill do that. i dont think imma bad person...but my thoughts are demonic and evil

Elaborate on these thoughts.