I'm perpetually fukkin' miserable. [DEARDIARY.gif] AMA

[BBG]

DISCLAIMER: I'm not writing this for you. In fact, fukk you. The chances of the person reading this actually being worth half a damn is so low I default to hating you unless proven I should not. This is a diary submission that I made public only to help others that may feel as I do. For I am not so full of thyself to believe I am alone in this level of understanding.


Imagine living in a world where you know for certain everyone else would feel the way you feel if they saw life for what it really was. Instead, everyone tries to be the best at playing pretend and anyone who doesn't play the game is ostracized, ridiculed, insulted, etc.


Once you willingly disengage from The Matrix you have the choice of the pills. Most people choose to go back to playing pretend so fukking fast because the alternative is absolutely terrifying. Anybody trying to tell you the good in the world such as beauty of nature, having grandchildren smiling and frolicking in the backyard, etc. overpowers the evil that is child rape, abduction, murder, human captivity, etc. Nobody wants to think about the fact that as you're enjoying reading this lovely message board post in the comforts of wherever the fukk you are there are quite literally AT LEAST hundreds of people chained up in somebody's basement getting abused, raped, tortured. Eyes gauged, made to eat their own feces IS HAPPENING RIGHT THIS SECOND AS YOU READ, I mean truly all the atrocities of life we try to ignore occur every second of every day. This is NOT hyperbole and we all know it.



Yet, we have a society that gets caught up on stupid shyt. Literally, life has been set up to distract your stupid, worthless 9-5 ass every day until the day you die. Bill getting head in the oval, pill cosby, diddy trials, epstein files i mean it's right in your fukkin face but what do you do about it? Sign your dumbass up to TikTok and enjoy the status quo. None of you fukking sheep allows your brain to deviate from what's been given to you, so you play the game and laugh at/make fun of the people who dont. Not realizing the people who play this game are human cattle literally used for cheap labor and get paid chicken feed to go home and browse social media to perpetuate the fukkery.


I find myself in a weird space. I was a part of this game for over 10 years. I broke free and have been self employed since 2024. I thank God for that because I have never been as successful in my life as I am now. Why then, am I always fukkin miserable? Because it's not about me. It's not about black people. My heart bleeds for humanity. I recognize the HUMAN race, not nikkas, cacs, spics, etc. That statement in isolation makes me a c00n. I am aware of this. So, I have to stoop low to the tribal mindset in order to position MY PEOPLE to get to a place where we no longer tolerate the global disrespect. Now how do you do that, when the vast majority of your people is perfectly fine playing the cac's game making a couple dollars to go home and shyt on other black people all day?


To make matters worse, the majority of EVERY race is stupid dumb fukk sheep, it aint just us. Which is what infuriates me even more, some random cracker will look down on me as if I couldn't just buy their building and make them pay me rent you got literal trailer trash who's total value equals less than one of my cars feeling they're better than me. This is NOT me flexing. If i was truly rich this shyt wouldn't bother me as much, id buy a remote island and live alone with friends and family coming to visit periodically.

Money does not buy happiness. I've spoken with therapists about this, but you CANNOT force somebody to take the right pill. Ive learned first hand that no matter what position a person holds, if they refuse to face reality they cannot help a person who refuses to play pretend. Maybe thecoli really is a mental asylum and I'm just another patient. I have so, so, so much more to say but I'll stop right here to put another load in the wash. Im dapping and repping all the good jokes, because that's all I hope to get from this. I know none of us have the answers, so might as well get some good jokes off until we move on to the next distraction

 

[VegetasHairline]

 

[OneManGang]

DISCLAIMER: I'm not writing this for you. In fact, fukk you.

 

[Big Mountain Hélà]

thecoli really is a mental asylum and I'm just another patient.

Look in the mirror and repeat this phrase out loud 3 times

 

[semicko82]

You make some good points OP, but you're on the wrong message board to post this

 

[Wiseborn]

True but better than fake ass diaspora wars all day.

 

[☃ ೋ]

Respectfully, you lost my attention span somewhere around the 4th paragraph

 

[The Realist Perspective]

Good read. I’ve harped on pieces of this before. I don’t know how to search my own threads but something along the lines of “we are in hell right now” and “we are all feggots.” But to address your talking points directly I’m fully convinced we all need to adapt communism and reject capitalism.

It’s the worse plague to exist currently, and the machine behind it has resulted in pretty much all of your grievances.

My only caveat is, the world’s grievances are mostly distributed by the European on a scale tipped like never seen before. So twofold, the European needs to be spanked to change their ways of global colonialism and global meddling and regime changes in the name of capitalistic pursuits.

This is the answer.

 

[seymour cake]

You said God In ya post. But do u really have a relationship with him cause u sound miserable. God brings TRUE joy.

 

[BBG]

You make some good points OP, but you're on the wrong message board to post this

Please point me in the right direction, I have no shame in admitting I am crying out for help. I can't keep living like this every day.

Good read. I’ve harped on pieces of this before. I don’t know how to search my own threads but something along the lines of “we are in hell right now” and “we are all feggots.” But to address your talking points directly I’m fully convinced we all need to adapt communism and reject capitalism.

It’s the worse plague to exist currently, and the machine behind it has resulted in pretty much all of your grievances.

My only caveat is, the world’s grievances are mostly distributed by the European on a scale tipped like never seen before. So twofold, the European needs to be spanked to change their ways of global colonialism and global meddling and regime changes in the name of capitalistic pursuits.

This is the answer.

Interesting. You have an answer. Now what? I've pinpointed specific areas to attack as well, but without a majority having this awareness, what can be done about it? My misery isn't from not knowing where the problem comes from, it's feeling helpless to do something about it. Aside from bytching on thecoli of course.

You said God In ya post. But do u really have a relationship with him cause u sound miserable. God brings TRUE joy.

I sound miserable? It's literally in the title you stupid piece of shyt see this is what I'm talking about




But to answer the question, yes I have a relationship with him I was just in church sunday. Yes that doesnt mean shyt by itself but I talk to God all the time. My belief in God MOSTLY correlates with Christian/Islamic/Judaic monotheism, howver I reject all three. Too much human tampering in the messaging, I take what I feel in my heart to be true and discard the rest. muhfukkas wanna tell you not to be gay but they fukkin hoes outta wedlock like God in heaven proud of the debauchery. Oh look I said something in defense of the fairies i must be a fruit booty hate you nikkas mane

 

[pickles]

WTF?

Sir this is a Wendys.

 

[semicko82]

Please point me in the right direction, I have no shame in admitting I am crying out for help. I can't keep living like this every day

To be honest I don't know I'm struggling with it myself. All I can say is look into some counseling and don't use drug or alcohol for a crutch

 

[seymour cake]

Please point me in the right direction, I have no shame in admitting I am crying out for help. I can't keep living like this every day.



Interesting. You have an answer. Now what? I've pinpointed specific areas to attack as well, but without a majority having this awareness, what can be done about it? My misery isn't from not knowing where the problem comes from, it's feeling helpless to do something about it. Aside from bytching on thecoli of course.



I sound miserable? It's literally in the title you stupid piece of shyt see this is what I'm talking about




But to answer the question, yes I have a relationship with him I was just in church sunday. Yes that doesnt mean shyt by itself but I talk to God all the time. My belief in God MOSTLY correlates with Christian/Islamic/Judaic monotheism, howver I reject all three. Too much human tampering in the messaging, I take what I feel in my heart to be true and discard the rest. muhfukkas wanna tell you not to be gay but they fukkin hoes outta wedlock like God in heaven proud of the debauchery. Oh look I said something in defense of the fairies i must be a fruit booty hate you nikkas mane

Idk what the fukk u talking bout but On some g shyt the only way too find ya purpose in life and have true Joy and Peace is theu Jesus.. no other God.. seek and you shall find.. literally.. like how u spilling out ya guts to the coli..do the same thru him.. seek and you shall find.. the only way is theu his word read it all day everyday, the more u seek the more gets revealed to you.. ya steps will be ordered you will start to see change g shyt.. read da word and the word will literally talk to u.. its real powers and shyt we got that the average person will never feel because they dont believe.. and if you dont believe me just try it, read that word and seek.. guarantee you he'll show u the way..

 

[ItsPeople]

I can tell you still wet behind the ears OP.

 

[BBG]

To be honest I don't know I'm struggling with it myself. All I can say is look into some counseling and don't use drug or alcohol for a crutch

Alcohol I agree but without MJ i seriously think I would've put my hands on somebody by now. Im not proud of it but I need to work myself into a space mentally where THC doesn't feel like a requirement to tolerate humans.

Also, in terms of counseling I touched on that in OP. Surely there exists a therapist somewhere that lives in this realm of understanding. I have no idea how to seek them out. I have more success making "psycho" posts like these online than I do trying to find somebody who spent their life trying to coach these sheep back into the herd, than finding someone equipped to handle a ram that flat out refuses to fall back in line. (sorry bears brehs for referring to myself as a ram, it just made more sense within context)

Seriously, think about it. These people went to school to help those find comfort within the Matrix. This system is not set up to deal with a bunch of BBGs that aint going along with the get along.

Idk what the fukk u talking bout but On some g shyt the only way too find ya purpose in life and have true Joy and Peace is theu Jesus.. no other God.. seek and you shall find.. literally.. like how u spilling out ya guts to the coli..do the same thru him.. seek and you shall find.. the only way is theu his word read it all day everyday, the more u seek the more gets revealed to you.. ya steps will be ordered you will start to see change g shyt.. read da word and the word will literally talk to u.. its real powers and shyt we got that the average person will never feel because they dont believe.. and if you dont believe me just try it, read that word and seek.. guarantee you he'll show u the way..

i respect what you saying frfr just like i said in OP it is by the grace of God and ONLY the grace of God that I have gotten anywhere in life at all. Sure, faith without the work I put in wouldnt have amounted to shyt. I understand that without his love and covering in the first place I would not have had the strength to perform the works.


That dont got shyt to do with the fact of how fukked up the world is. Whatever his reasoning is, it did NOT HAVE to be this way. fukk a free will nikka make me a robot the fukk we doin????? How is free will better than having to deal with murder, rape, human trafficking, and all the other absolute evil atrocities in the world? I already know you finna be like "God's Plan " and that's fine because yeah you're right. Dont mean I gotta like it.

I can tell you still wet behind the ears OP.

What you thought you was doing with this post? Whatever you think you know, you dont, bytch ass mofugga cause if you did you wouldve just said it. You not the first nikka to front like he know better when really you just a pawn. fukk outta here, herb.