I've come to the conclusion that I hate being in relationships

[Aceofspades404]

op sounds like a pain in the ass to deal with. Just call yourself a misanthrope and go on with your life

 

[Toe Jay Simpson]

Ain’t nothing like coming home with no strings. No stress. Just take off your pants and jacket.

Don’t even ask me how.

 

[DrBanneker]

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

I love her and her happiness is important to me, but the relationship itself is not, if that makes sense.

Sometimes I think, "Okay, I can do this... just gotta get thru the day." Then the day is over and I think, "Whew, made it. Just.... 44 more years..." and it's like hell no.

But I've broken so many hearts in my life and as I get older the stakes get higher and the broken hearts get worse for the women in my life. I just don't know if I have the heart to destroy another good woman. I know she would eventually be fine, but a breakup would ruin her next two years at least. Hell I have an ex I dumped in 2015 who still cries over it monthly (I'm told). Ugh....

I just don't know.

I'm going to say two contradictory things and then try to explain:

1. Don't force yourself to get married if you don't feel like it is right
2. Many people have the wrong idea about marriage and what sort of feelings make a good marriage work so evaluate your feelings carefully

If you can't stand her and don't like her, I would not say you should get married "to make her happy". Especially don't have a kid with her.

That all being said, a lot of people have false ideas about what makes a good marriage work. IMHO, a lot of marriages fail not because people hated each other when they got married but they were in a honeymoon, butterflies in the tummy, type stage where everything was great and real marriage is not like that 24/7.

The best way to put it is a good marriage, or even good LTR, is not like a Brian McKnight song. It is two people compromising, growing together, and supporting each other. I am saying all this because people may "known" if they want to marry someone but they don't always "know" if it will work.

I came from a place like you. My wife and I did LTR for a few years and the pressure for marriage built. I was honestly torn for a while and focused a lot on the things that annoyed me and I wondered that if every single day wasn't super happy and joyful whether it was really meant to be.

Long story short, I got married (10+ years ago) and it was the best decision of my life. The key though is my wife and I communicate. I am very introverted and I don't like to engage in protracted small talk and like to be left alone a lot. My wife gets it and though she makes demands, she respects my space. COVID has been a challenge since we are stuck working from home together too (with kids in the mix!)

Honestly from March-June I nearly blew up at her several times. The constant stream of small requests, the desire to talk to me about random stuff all day (remember I am an introvert), the honey do lists. So we sat down and talked and I (diplomatically) let her know I needed space. I would go on bike rides or walks in the morning or evening and that, along with after 9pm, was my time to remain undisturbed.

I am saying all this because I think despite the complaints, you honestly like this chick. Really, you could have bushed her earlier but you didn't. Maybe there is something better out there but trust me, it ain't easy to find. NOW a big deal breaker is if you don't want kids.

If you have different ideas of married life, like the desire to have children, then it won't work. However, if she is just pissing you off being clingy and around all the time, you can deal with that IF SHE IS WILLING TO LISTEN. Honestly I would straight up tell her you want to alternate with having "alone time" evenings. Say on alternate evenings, one of you will take care of all the housework, etc. and the other gets to go to their room (or go out) and remain unmolested. It is a good safety valve.

Another thing may be that she constantly grasps at attention since she doesn't feel you give it otherwise. Don't change who you are but really in relationships there has to be a commitment by both parties.

Try doing something real nice for her one evening: like cook dinner, let her relax, hang out, etc. Next morning, ask if you take a day off and have time for yourself. See if that makes you feel less hemmed in and she acts less clingy.

Also, what do you do in your down time? TV, work out, Coli? What do you do when you are with her? That disconnect may be part of the issue.

 

[Youseenmywork]

The perfect relationship for me would a women that loves me ...and I like her which is perfection.

 

[Vodun]

That Rona got nikkas going through it and questioning their relationships. I already have 2 friends who filed for divorce in the last 2-3 months (15+ year marriages).

Add another to the list my G just filed mine

 

[KingJay]

just admit yall are gay already
aint nothin wrong with it
yall just clearly don't like women

 

[Dwolf]

Some people are better off single