Job Interview Disasters (let's hear 'em)

[Danie84]

had an interview at General Electric's call centre when i was 18. friend told me it was really easy to get in. the lady that interviewed me had huge t*ts and she was just sitting in front of me in a low cut dress with her boobs just resting on the table. i pretty much just stared at those things the whole time while trying to process the questions and didn't get the job.

 

[WaveCapsByOscorp™]

i remember, like a decade ago, i literally talked my own self out of a job during the interview. it was some crappy ass job at american express, like working in billing or something. only thing i really remember is that probably like half way through the interview questions i thought to myself "wow, i really don't want this job" so i started sabotaging myself. nothing too extreme but giving all the typical wrong answers to questions...

 

[Danie84]

A few summers ago this recruiter got me an interview at this company cause they like my resume. The company was owned and ran by a husband and wife but the recruiter told me the husband was pretty cool. Anyhow the day of the interview it was hot as hell so i planned to put on my tie till i got close to the place and put it on in the elevator.

When i got there and i got off the floor the company was on i was still fixing my tie and i saw this fat lady and i asked her where the bathroom was at and she showed me. Then when i went in for the interview the same fat lady was there, she was the ceo's wife.

The interview was going well until like five minutes in she was like you know what your resume is nice and you seem to have some of the skills but to be honest i don't think you're qualified and you're not getting the job. i was shocked and that shyt burned and the only thing i could of said was alright, then i got up took my resume and bounced. It took me weeks to get over that shyt.

That's terrible. Once you hit the workforce you realized how ruthless people are. The fat cow couldn't even spare you the ether and tell you that through a email or phone call.

 

[L&HH]

I got an interview with the FBI here in Cleveland, shyt was the worst ever. The job was for an electronics tech to do work on some of their mobile equipment, two way radios, laptops, phones, ect.

So I pull up and before I even get out of the car there is a security officer standing outside my door asking for ID. I show him my ID and say I'm here for an interview he says "I Know" So by now I'm nervous as fukk. The security officer shows me to the interview(interrogation) room. It was a small all white room with one table and two chairs and three cameras. I sit and wait for about five minutes watching the cameras watch me back. Agent j and k walk in talmbout "hi did you find the place ok" I say yeah and they proceed with the interview. The first set of questions was fairly normal. But after that they told me about their hiring proccess, they said there would be a thorough background test, a blood test for drugs, a family history check, a lie detector test, and a credit check before I would even be considered for employment.

By now i know I'm fukked cause my credits shot,i got a rack of unpaid parking tickets, my brothers in jail right now,and I just smoked a blunt last night.

So agent k turns to me and says "we can start the process now" i say ok, knowing it's all bad from here and he proceeds to ask questions like " Have you EVER taken recreational drugs"-no "have you ever been arrested for any reason"-no "Do you believe in government"-yes. This was the preliminary test to see if i should even start the "real" testing

Needless to say I was lying through my teeth and they knew it. They end the interview I hightailed it outa there Before they arrested me or somethin. I was never called for the second interview. I was glad, if the interview was that bad being an employee must suck.

This brings back memories of when I had this interview with the NSA for this scholarship. A friend of mine had previously done the same interview and he told me about the polygraph he had to do. During the polygraph they ask you all types of questions such as if you've ever aided terrorists orgs, tried to plot against the govt, taken any illegal drugs, etc.

My friend tells me during his polygraph that they said he was lying about having connections to terrorist ironically he looked middle eastern (he's indian) . He tells me that he researched it and apparently they do something like that frequently to interviewees to test if they'd "crack under pressure"

Fastforward to my polygraph. Now prior to the polygraph in the application they asked if you've ever done any illegal drugs obviously I lied. Leading up to the polygraph I was nervous as hell knowing they were going to ask me this and figure out I lied. So I take the polygraph and the question comes up and I lied again. He then shows me the sheets with all the lines on it and points to some scribbles and said these are the times I'm lying and these are the times I was telling the truth. Needless to say he said I was lying about two things: taking illegal drugs and me having plotted against the govt. I have no idea why but I just burst out laughing because I knew it was coming. I just could not take him seriously, he was trying to have this stern look on his face but having the prior knowledge of my friend's polygraph interview didnt help.

So I keep denying both accusations and he then goes on to tell me this story about a woman who took the polygraph kept denying that she had ever taken drugs but evetually finally confessed to taking heroin or meth and still getting the job. So I then confess to having smoked weed and he starts asking me why I initially lied on the application and he doesn't know if he can trust me blah,blah. So I basically failed the polygraph.


Long story short I didn't get the job. But I'm glad I didnt, I dont want to work in those conditions for 5 years my friend who got the job has to walk on eggshells in college. Dude recently got a citation for walking with a beer can while underage. He had to hire a lawyer for $1700 to try and remove it from his record mind you the citation was only for $100.

fukk it they can keep their money and I'll keep my weed and alcohol

 

[Sensitive Blake Griffin]

polygraphs don't even tell if you're lying. they tell if your heart rate/blood pressure increased

also if you clinch your anal sphincter it can temporarily raise your blood pressure (due to the large amount of veins/bloodflow near it) so you can give a false positive/use that technique to pass a lie detector test.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

this sounds a little

you know ur interviewing with the fukking FBI and you smoke the day before?????

I wouldn't smoke if I new I was getting an interview for any job til after I get it and get off probation at the new job. what kinda nonsense is this? @ cats that think weed is more important than making this bread.

For any other job there are ways to pass the drug test. At the job I got now they do random testing, I smoke everyday and i have passed the test three times. They sale fake urine at the local smoke shop for $35 but the FBI does Blood tests, dont think you can fake that

 

[havoc00]

I went to an interview for Sears. I didnt want the job but my parents were busting my balls to get a job. So I showed up drunk and keep telling the interviewer how nice her eyes were and how i'd work with her anytime in life. I never got a call back

 

[Bilz]

So I keep denying both accusations and he then goes on to tell me this story about a woman who took the polygraph kept denying that she had ever taken drugs but evetually finally confessed to taking heroin or meth and still getting the job. So I then confess to having smoked weed and he starts asking me why I initially lied on the application and he doesn't know if he can trust me blah,blah. So I basically failed the polygraph.

From what Ive heard, anytime you get a polygraph asking about drug use, they will try as hard as they can to crack you but as long as you keep claiming you have not tried drugs, you still have a chance. Eventually, most people crack and admit to it and then it shows they were lying the whole time.

Everyone is about covering their own ass so if someone fukks up down the line and it comes out that they were an admitted drug user when they applied, it looks bad on everyone. If you just lie and say you didnt, all they can do is

 

[Skip b]

I had a a$$hole interviewer who got pissed off because I had a answer for all his questions, thenm for each of my responses he just asking why, after not having a response their was a ackward silence for like 30 long seconds, and then as I'm about to talk, he ends the interview.

They offered me the job the next day too, but I never showed up

 

[S.W.A.G.]

Had an interview for this wack company near where I live. I was answering every question they had in a confident and eloquent manner - so swag. Anyways, halfway through the interview, I came to the realisation that I had been holding a sneeze for the last few minutes, but didn't realise it until this point - possibly due to be under so much stress. Anyways, I sneezed. Then I carried on as if nothing had happened. Shook the dudes hand, made small talk, said my byes with a smile on my face. Never heard from that company again. fukking sneeze - I definitely didn't get the job because of it. Oh, and no experience.

 

[Bilz]

My worst interview was for a local government job. They required you to write several essays to even be considered for the position and I received a letter back that I was one of the few applicants they chose for an in-person interview. I take the day off work and I show up for the interview and it is a panel of three random people that really had nothing to do with the position. After I answered each question, they would ask if I had any follow up questions and I always did but they could rarely answer them because they werent connected to the department. Then a lot of their questions started overlapping each other but everything was being recorded so they required the same full answer again. They were such canned questions, which was nice because I had already prepared for all of them beforehand, but it sucked because I realized I wasnt dealing with anyone who mattered. I am sure I got visibly annoyed when they told me that it was just a briefing and there would be another real interview later where I could talk more about the job and speak to the supervisors in that department. I was applying for a lot of jobs at the time and didnt have time to keep taking days off for this bullshyt. They didnt call me back and I ended up with a better job anyway

 

[L&HH]

polygraphs don't even tell if you're lying. they tell if your heart rate/blood pressure increased

also if you clinch your anal sphincter it can temporarily raise your blood pressure (due to the large amount of veins/bloodflow near it) so you can give a false positive/use that technique to pass a lie detector test.

yea only if I knew then what I know now, I was just youngin fresh outta high school, thnx on the tip tho

 

[L&HH]

From what Ive heard, anytime you get a polygraph asking about drug use, they will try as hard as they can to crack you but as long as you keep claiming you have not tried drugs, you still have a chance. Eventually, most people crack and admit to it and then it shows they were lying the whole time.

Everyone is about covering their own ass so if someone fukks up down the line and it comes out that they were an admitted drug user when they applied, it looks bad on everyone. If you just lie and say you didnt, all they can do is

word see this why I fukks with this board, I did mad research on the topic days before the test and didnt get any useful information

 

[RTF]

Good thread.