Keep It Real: Have any of you ever practiced COLORISM?

[Prince.Skeletor]

No I have not but I am heavily critical about:
1) weight
2) does she have hobbies.

These two things are pretty important to me and when it comes to these two things I am quite judgmental.

 

[The Gentleman]

Yeah I have—now that I think about it, my “type” has a certain look and skin complexion. and majority of the men I’ve dated meet that look and complexion.
I don’t know if it’s colorism though since technically the men are within my shade group.

I have dated a couple of Brehs that weren’t of that complexion though, and they were the ones who talked the most shyt about darker woman (and I’ve known a lot of dark skin women who only dated light skinned dudes). I don’t get how you can be darkskin yourself but practice colorism against your dark counterpart. When I hear dark men/dark women doing it on some “I don’t fukk with dark skin women/dark skin men” (because I’m going to keep it buck I’ve noticed these kinds of things being expressed by dark skinned women and men) i always give them the side eye, like your dark yourself..

i also notice my dark skin girlfriend’s talk about color the most too. Like always. And it’s something that I just realized the other day—that they bring it up a lot, the same way my grandma did (who was dark skinned too) when I was growing up.

I think it truly is the result of trauma—how they were treated, teased, etc growing up. They’ve all told me stories—it wasn’t just coming from men either, it came from the women in their family too.

I’ve said this before but there are so many adults walking around with issues from their childhood, not even aware of how much those experiences shape their thinking, and perception and how they feel scout themselves even as adults. In our community, we tend to pretend that mental illness, anxiety, depression, traumas and experiences are things we just need get over it… so they just push that shyt aside and keep on going, never really confronting and addressing that issue.

But situations keep coming up that bring it right back up/triggering it and it still effects us negatively—until we do the inner work to work that shyt out.

Of course. When I see a black woman who calls herself “Carmel Barbie” I knew she was on that lightskinned shyt. And I’m cool with that too. I think even though you’re a light skin Black are us you still your own subgroup. My question why are you always open every in a white women conversation if you only into light skin men anyway?

 

[The Gentleman]

Yes it does happen to males. But you notice how I was able to acknowledge that without dismissing their experiences. Or getting a nasty attitude and simply saying they just ugly and making up shyt. In our attempts to distance ourselves from embarrassing dynamics, we get angrier at victims sharing their trauma than the dumb people actually perpetuating the ignorance.
And yes there are lighter skinned blks who face issues as well. But we don’t all lives matter them like we do whenever bw describe their trauma with this situation.

There’s better ways to think through this without becoming defensive.

Because you’re making a big deal of it than it really is. Men deal with this thing and able to move on. They should be a level that with women too. I understand women are judged by their looks more but you’re gonna have to get over it and realize you’re not the most desired phenotype in our society. Black men understand this as well. How was it among us learn to deal with who’s willing to deal with us. Hey how you doing how you doing to someone what’s going on tire tire as

Yes it does happen to males. But you notice how I was able to acknowledge that without dismissing their experiences. Or getting a nasty attitude and simply saying they just ugly and making up shyt. In our attempts to distance ourselves from embarrassing dynamics, we get angrier at victims sharing their trauma than the dumb people actually perpetuating the ignorance.
And yes there are lighter skinned blks who face issues as well. But we don’t all lives matter them like we do whenever bw describe their trauma with this situation.

There’s better ways to think through this without becoming defensive.

To complain about something like this is not the way. Most men sensible men understand this. I’m not telling you to become a man but this may be one thing that you can learn for men. Find a work around. Hemming and halling
about things you cannot change ain’t it.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Because you’re making a big deal of it than it really is. Men deal with this thing and able to move on. They should be a level that with women too. I understand women are judged by their looks more but you’re gonna have to get over it and realize you’re not the most desired phenotype in our society. Black men understand this as well. How was it among us learn to deal with who’s willing to deal with us. Hey how you doing how you doing to someone what’s going on tire tire as


To complain about something like this is not the way. Most men sensible men understand this. I’m not telling you to become a man but this may be one thing that you can learn for men. Find a work around. Hemming and halling
about things you cannot change ain’t it.

Nah. People don’t have to process their emotions the way you want them to. Just because some blk men may not emote about the situation, doesn’t mean a one size fits all approach will work for everyone.
And people sharing their experiences helps others know that they aren’t to blame for dealing with internalized self-hate from others. Its worth it to unpack the trauma and help people draw a firm line in the sand socially instead of denying, deflecting or getting angrier at the people describing their experiences with it, more than those perpetuating the ignorance.

 

[The Gentleman]

Nah. People don’t have to process their emotions the way you want them to. Just because some blk men may not emote about the situation, doesn’t mean a one size fits all approach will work for everyone.
And people sharing their experiences helps others know that they aren’t to blame for dealing with internalized self-hate from others. Its worth it to unpack the trauma and help people draw a firm line in the sand socially instead of denying, deflecting or getting angrier at the people describing their experiences with it, more than those perpetuating the ignorance.

Then tell them motherfukkers to get therapy!

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Then tell them motherfukkers to get therapy!

Along with the ignorant buttholes perpetuating the self-hate.

 

[ultraflexed]

NO

 

[hatealot]

Yeah and I don't know where it comes from or how I was conditioned.

For example. I do not find lupita attractive at all. Even though she's not ugly. It has to do with my unconscious biases.

 

[///Vega+++]

I'm on the dark side (lol), not super dark but you get my point.

Yeah right

For me it's normal to have personal preferences
What is not normal is when the media representation pervasively establishes some hierarchy between skin tones
I know some will say it's a representation of reality but that reality can be the result of the media impact
One should be aware and conscious of it

 

[murksiderock]

Yeah and I don't know where it comes from or how I was conditioned.

For example. I do not find lupita attractive at all. Even though she's not ugly. It has to do with my unconscious biases.

I don't think Lupita is attractive either, and it doesn't have anything to do with her complexion. She just isn't a great looking woman...

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Of course. When I see a black woman who calls herself “Carmel Barbie” I knew she was on that lightskinned shyt. And I’m cool with that too. I think even though you’re a light skin Black are us you still your own subgroup. My question why are you always open every in a white women conversation if you only into light skin men anyway?

Huh? I don’t understand what your asking me.

 

[murksiderock]

Huh? I don’t understand what your asking me.

He saying you a lite-brite who only seeks out lite-brite men...

I never took your screen name to mean you were lite-brite though, and I didn't take your post to mean you are only into lightskinned brothers. Am I correct, though?

 

[CarmelBarbie]

He saying you a lite-brite who only seeks out lite-brite men...

I never took your screen name to mean you were lite-brite though, and I didn't take your post to mean you are only into lightskinned brothers. Am I correct, though?

lol. I’m not a light brite-I’m Sanaa Lathan complexion.



I’ve dated dark skin men. And I prefer dark skin women. This is his second time accusing me of that though lol.

I don’t see why he cares anyway. He dates WW.

 

[murksiderock]

lol. I’m not a light brite-I’m Sanaa Lathan complexion.



I’ve dated dark skin men. And I prefer dark skin women. This is his second time accusing me of that though lol.

I don’t see why he cares anyway. He dates WW.

Damn thats a throwback, I loved that song and that chick as a kid!

Yeah he all over the place. Your preference in men is lighter, though? Sounds similar to me, I've dated medium/caramel complected and darker sisters, but I guess my preference skews more redboned...

 

[ignorethis]

opposite, I have a chocolate fetish.

Not gonna act like a lot of nikkas don't have a litebrite fetish.

At the same time a lot of these dark skin women have deep insecurities and resentment related to light skin women.

Once had a female go off on me because she found out about a girl I used to fukk with who was lightskin, went on a whole rant about colorism and how I like light skin girls, I was like lol no I like dark skin, but I'll fukk a light skin girl if she is cute and has good skin texture.