Miss Lucifer's Love
she's the devil and i like it
I was inspired by yet another #GMB thread to start a mature dialog about marriage and relationships. I'm not saying I have al the answers, But this is a subject I've studied quite a bit over the years, and I think I have some insights that may be missing from this forum.
But why? Because this is supposed to be a black community, and black people can't get where we need to go without strong families/marriages/relationships. I'm tryna do my part to get us united.
To start:
This! So much!
People need to learn to be honest about what you need, what you don't "think" you're getting, and how you want to proceed. I say "think" because most of the time people don't realize they probably are getting what they want, it's just not being given to them in their "language." @BmoreGorilla kinda made this point when someone asked if he told his wife he loved her all the time, gave kisses before/after work, etc. and he said he told her he loved her but that he "shouldn't have to" do the other stuff. I'm not saying he's to blame for her cheating, but he may not have been loving her the way she wanted to be loved, because he doesn't operate that way. That can definitely cause problems, even if there are no tangible issues in the marriage overall. It's weird sub-conscious shyt. He likely showed his love by being a good provider, maybe buying gifts, stuff like that, but if it's not in her language, she ain't gonna see it without him basically saying, "Look, this is how I show that I love you."
In my case, I was the one not giving love the way my husband needed it, and I caused him to withdraw from me. At the time, all I saw what that he was suddenly the biggest, most disrespectful, unloving a$$hole I'd ever known, and I was ready to leave his ass. But once we actually sat down and talked honestly and candidly, without trying to blame one another for where our relationship ended up, I realized that I was the one who had caused the distance in the first place, without even knowing what I was doing.
Of course the upside was that he was also able to learn how I want to be loved, and we are now much much MUCH better at meeting each other's needs.This link explains the concept pretty well.
Another issue is that people aren't willing to make compromises for their partner. Everyone is always so stuck on dumb ideas about "I ain't changing for nobody! I am who I am! Love me or leave me!" without seeming to realize a lot of who they are sucks. Everyone can stand to make some improvements, especially if it's for their husband/wife. The way I see it, your spouse chose you out of the billions of other people on Earth to be with for life, the least you can do is try to make that as easy and pleasant as possible.
All this #GMB is unnecessary if you follow #CCB #HASMB. It's not marriage's fault that people get divorced. Marriage - or any relationship for that matter - is what you make it.
So lets talk, brehs. Where else do you see people fukking up? What knowledge can you share to help us create stronger black relationships?
But why? Because this is supposed to be a black community, and black people can't get where we need to go without strong families/marriages/relationships. I'm tryna do my part to get us united.
To start:
This! So much!People need to learn to be honest about what you need, what you don't "think" you're getting, and how you want to proceed. I say "think" because most of the time people don't realize they probably are getting what they want, it's just not being given to them in their "language." @BmoreGorilla kinda made this point when someone asked if he told his wife he loved her all the time, gave kisses before/after work, etc. and he said he told her he loved her but that he "shouldn't have to" do the other stuff. I'm not saying he's to blame for her cheating, but he may not have been loving her the way she wanted to be loved, because he doesn't operate that way. That can definitely cause problems, even if there are no tangible issues in the marriage overall. It's weird sub-conscious shyt. He likely showed his love by being a good provider, maybe buying gifts, stuff like that, but if it's not in her language, she ain't gonna see it without him basically saying, "Look, this is how I show that I love you."
In my case, I was the one not giving love the way my husband needed it, and I caused him to withdraw from me. At the time, all I saw what that he was suddenly the biggest, most disrespectful, unloving a$$hole I'd ever known, and I was ready to leave his ass. But once we actually sat down and talked honestly and candidly, without trying to blame one another for where our relationship ended up, I realized that I was the one who had caused the distance in the first place, without even knowing what I was doing.
Of course the upside was that he was also able to learn how I want to be loved, and we are now much much MUCH better at meeting each other's needs.This link explains the concept pretty well.
Another issue is that people aren't willing to make compromises for their partner. Everyone is always so stuck on dumb ideas about "I ain't changing for nobody! I am who I am! Love me or leave me!" without seeming to realize a lot of who they are sucks. Everyone can stand to make some improvements, especially if it's for their husband/wife. The way I see it, your spouse chose you out of the billions of other people on Earth to be with for life, the least you can do is try to make that as easy and pleasant as possible.
All this #GMB is unnecessary if you follow #CCB #HASMB. It's not marriage's fault that people get divorced. Marriage - or any relationship for that matter - is what you make it.
So lets talk, brehs. Where else do you see people fukking up? What knowledge can you share to help us create stronger black relationships?
with that nonsense. When in a relationship it's best to treat her like a mushroom. Keep her in the dark and feed her shyt.
