This shyt tore at my heart. You’re you being good all life and the universe pops off at you. Prayers up bro, I knew dark times in the past sadness beyond hope. DMs or FT open if you need to sound off.
Life aint fair. Rip
- Thread starter Verbal Kint
- Start date
Lootha VanDraws
'The Night I Fell in Love' is the GOAT R&B album
I'm sorry for your loss bro. You'll never get over it, but you will get through it.
malbaker86
Gators
Sorry to hear this bruh. As a married man of 11 years and we have 4 kids, I would torn beyond repair if I had to go through this tragedy. We all here to help my brutha
MajesticLion
Veteran
Heavily condensed version.
1. The pain never goes away, and there's no finding "solace" in the fact others have also lost children. It does become a pain you can live with.
How?
2. Everybody's in their own corner, on their own personal mental hamster wheels, trying to understand the why. There is no understanding to be had here to work your way past the pain. There is only acceptance to be found if you're willing to seek it.
How?
3. You have a wife in her pain. You have three children in their own pain. (They are. Pay attention.) They're looking to you and their mother for leadership and guidance out of this maze. Time is passing, and their grief won't wait for you to figure this out. This isn't to add to your pressure, but to get you to see a source of motivation to get past yourself and into the work of healing.
How?
4. The joy is in the giving, and having that selflessness returned. It may not be returned in a way you want, it may not be returned on your timetable, but it will be returned. A woman that's given you four sons? Cut her some slack. She's already taking care of you on autopilot after your surgery. She needs you to meet her halfway. Get up, hobble out to the kitchen and go make her some tea or whatever she drinks and watch her face light up. Start listening. Let her finish. Start talking. Let her listen. Repeat.
The only way forward is together. Peace and blessings.
1. The pain never goes away, and there's no finding "solace" in the fact others have also lost children. It does become a pain you can live with.
How?
2. Everybody's in their own corner, on their own personal mental hamster wheels, trying to understand the why. There is no understanding to be had here to work your way past the pain. There is only acceptance to be found if you're willing to seek it.
How?
3. You have a wife in her pain. You have three children in their own pain. (They are. Pay attention.) They're looking to you and their mother for leadership and guidance out of this maze. Time is passing, and their grief won't wait for you to figure this out. This isn't to add to your pressure, but to get you to see a source of motivation to get past yourself and into the work of healing.
How?
4. The joy is in the giving, and having that selflessness returned. It may not be returned in a way you want, it may not be returned on your timetable, but it will be returned. A woman that's given you four sons? Cut her some slack. She's already taking care of you on autopilot after your surgery. She needs you to meet her halfway. Get up, hobble out to the kitchen and go make her some tea or whatever she drinks and watch her face light up. Start listening. Let her finish. Start talking. Let her listen. Repeat.
The only way forward is together. Peace and blessings.
Thank you for sharing your pain breh. I don't have any words to offer other than the fact that I will pray for you today, a stranger on the internet. I couldn't imagine a greater pain Please stay strong, and hold your wife and children close. You will make it through this
SheWantTheD
Veteran
Can't say I understand how you are feeling but y'all gotta use this to come together stronger.
Y'all still have other kids, and best believe your children have been affected by it too.
Damn.. just damn.
Y'all still have other kids, and best believe your children have been affected by it too.
Damn.. just damn.
Trot LaRoc
Superstar
Damn
Couldnt imagine this type of pain.
Might not be a bad idea to get some type of family counseling. The whole fam needs to find a way to stick together and heal each other
Couldnt imagine this type of pain.
Might not be a bad idea to get some type of family counseling. The whole fam needs to find a way to stick together and heal each other
Can't even to begin to fathom the depth of pain and grief you are feeling now breh. My heart breaks for your loss.
I definitely cosign those who have recommended some sort of group therapy with your wife. This is not something you two can freestyle. You will need some guidance to properly process this time and come out of this time stronger and better equipped to take care of your children.
Don't pretend he did not exist. Speak of him to your family, to close relatives and friends. Be vulnerable. Shout, cry, curse. Also remember the good times that made you love him so much. Laugh at the goofy shyt he used to do. Cherish those thoughts. Collate his pictures. Honor his memory.
One more thing. It is perfectly ok to be angry at God. It is a terrible burden to bear, not only having to process your own grief, but be a pillar for your wife and children. And people have committed that for less, and I honestly can't judge. Just remember that you have little ones looking to you and their mother for support and guidance. It is a terrible burden but I hope that you are granted the strength and grace to bear this and carry your family through this time. It is not easy, at all. But please consider everyone, IRL and on here, that has offered support one way or another. Lean on your relatives and friends (and us on here if needed) when you need some support, an ear to vent to, prayers... I for one have my DMs open.
God speed breh.
I definitely cosign those who have recommended some sort of group therapy with your wife. This is not something you two can freestyle. You will need some guidance to properly process this time and come out of this time stronger and better equipped to take care of your children.
Don't pretend he did not exist. Speak of him to your family, to close relatives and friends. Be vulnerable. Shout, cry, curse. Also remember the good times that made you love him so much. Laugh at the goofy shyt he used to do. Cherish those thoughts. Collate his pictures. Honor his memory.
One more thing. It is perfectly ok to be angry at God. It is a terrible burden to bear, not only having to process your own grief, but be a pillar for your wife and children. And people have committed that for less, and I honestly can't judge. Just remember that you have little ones looking to you and their mother for support and guidance. It is a terrible burden but I hope that you are granted the strength and grace to bear this and carry your family through this time. It is not easy, at all. But please consider everyone, IRL and on here, that has offered support one way or another. Lean on your relatives and friends (and us on here if needed) when you need some support, an ear to vent to, prayers... I for one have my DMs open.
God speed breh.