Good read. I been through similar but not the illegal shyt, I never had to hustle in that way, I was always clever enough to work the white collar world, but that dont mean it's been easy. Moved out when I was 17, neither of my parents are affectionate and I too live this life for and by myself. Had a couple of tragedies, and been living a renegade rogue life in various countries for some time now. Just got back from Korea, I randomly went there with 4 hours notice, and was chilling there for a week dolo. My life has been one big journey, most of it doing all by myself, having hangover (the movie) episodes with strangers I meet along the way, then jumping on a plane never to see them again. Sometimes I wonder if I want to go back to the cubical life, or if this is just what I was destined to be like, part of me thinks it is, another part thinks this can't be healthy, I will turn back at 45 with no family or house and be like wtf had I been doing this whole time? another part of me is why do I need a family and house? I don't like life long commitments, why can't I just be a vagrant forever? whats wrong with that? People that explored the globe back in 1535 were just that.
Its good you found stability tho, I find comfort in uncertainty and sporadic chaos. That shyt aint ordinary. But you know, after you almost die like I did (long story) you view life and all this superficial bullshyt people put emphasis on totally different. Now a days I just want to see as much as possible before my short life ends and that doesn't intel a grey box making good figures that Ill barely enjoy in the grand scheme of things.