MILITARY STORIES

[The M.I.C.]

Lol opsec..I got ya

 

[Maddmike]

I had a cat at my civilian job that happened to have been stationed at the same squadron I was in South Korea, he came at me bragging about some juicy he fell in love with out there, I was disgusted

exactly...like he won some prize or something. We had this married guy that started neglecting his wife and seed back home because he fell "in love" with some juicy.

Str8 cut them off where she had to get the shirt involved. To make matters worse, she was fukking everybody for free on sundays

 

[Trill Bellamy]

exactly...like he won some prize or something. We had this married guy that started neglecting his wife and seed back home because he fell "in love" with some juicy.

Str8 cut them off where she had to get the shirt involved. To make matters worse, she was fukking everybody for free on sundays

Had another cat divorce his wife in the states while ON HIS MIDTOUR, just to come back and marry his Juicy, muthafukkas is wild

 

[staticshock]

exactly...like he won some prize or something. We had this married guy that started neglecting his wife and seed back home because he fell "in love" with some juicy.

Str8 cut them off where she had to get the shirt involved. To make matters worse, she was fukking everybody for free on sundays

We had soapy girls in Japan..they’d give you a bubble bath & massage and give you a happy ending. Lame ass cacs who never got attention from women before they joined the military fell in love with them


I think I told this story on here but during a training mission in the Philippines one year a marine from another unit killed a hooker cause she turned out to be a man & tried to hide the body under his hotel mattress

U.S. Marine Guilty in Killing of Transgender Woman in Philippines


It happened the day before we were supposed to leave, but we ended staying there a whole extra month. Had to sleep in a dusty ass bus depot for a week & eat off MRES until they found a hotel where we stayed for a couple weeks till ol boy got formally charged and arrested

 

[MegaManX]

Here is a crazy story. I was at a training camp in Germany preparing to go to Iraq with my unit. I was on guard duty all night and the a$$hole designers decided to put the shytter outside the fukking locked gates.

There are no where to take a shyt and I had the squirts man.

I tried holding it but nikka had 6 hours left.

I got out that tower and took a squat right behind a Humvee and shyt all over the place. I went back on duty like nothing was wrong.

I am sleeping the next day trying to recover when my commander comes in with the first sergeant to recover me for command on post, a full bird colonel and Sergeant Major.

My first sergeant has no clue what is going on but has that look like, "nikka you better not get us in trouble."

I sit down in front of the Full Bird Colonel and Sergeant Major. They close the door.

Sergeant Major "Son, I would like to discuss guard duty last evening.It appears someone took a shyt in the Motor Pool behind a vehicle. Do you know anything about that?"

Me "Oh that? Yeah that was me."

They both started dying laughing. The First Sergeant opened the door to see what the commotion was.

" Son, why the hell did you do that?"

Sergeant Major can't control himself. He is just dying.

"Some knucklehead decided to put the only toilet on the other side of a locked gate. It was almost like the motor pool staff was taunting me, so I was like

and went behind the Humvee to do God's work."

They were like

The Sergeant Major said "Those guys were so pissed! They had to clean that shyt up. "

I was like "Sorry."

They couldn't keep it in. They had totally lost all control of the moment. They told my First Sergeant to escort me back and said there was nothing to worry about.

My First Sergeant was like how the fukk did that work...

FYI, if you can explain how you did what ANY SOLDIER WOULD DO in a shytty situation and are honest, you will never be punished, no matter how shady the choice is.

 

[Sleepy Walker]

Here is a crazy story. I was at a training camp in Germany preparing to go to Iraq with my unit. I was on guard duty all night and the a$$hole designers decided to put the shytter outside the fukking locked gates.

There are no where to take a shyt and I had the squirts man.

I tried holding it but nikka had 6 hours left.

I got out that tower and took a squat right behind a Humvee and shyt all over the place. I went back on duty like nothing was wrong.

I am sleeping the next day trying to recover when my commander comes in with the first sergeant to recover me for command on post, a full bird colonel and Sergeant Major.

My first sergeant has no clue what is going on but has that look like, "nikka you better not get us in trouble."

I sit down in front of the Full Bird Colonel and Sergeant Major. They close the door.

Sergeant Major "Son, I would like to discuss guard duty last evening.It appears someone took a shyt in the Motor Pool behind a vehicle. Do you know anything about that?"

Me "Oh that? Yeah that was me."

They both started dying laughing. The First Sergeant opened the door to see what the commotion was.

" Son, why the hell did you do that?"

Sergeant Major can't control himself. He is just dying.

"Some knucklehead decided to put the only toilet on the other side of a locked gate. It was almost like the motor pool staff was taunting me, so I was like

and went behind the Humvee to do God's work."

They were like

The Sergeant Major said "Those guys were so pissed! They had to clean that shyt up. "

I was like "Sorry."

They couldn't keep it in. They had totally lost all control of the moment. They told my First Sergeant to escort me back and said there was nothing to worry about.

My First Sergeant was like how the fukk did that work...

FYI, if you can explain how you did what ANY SOLDIER WOULD DO in a shytty situation and are honest, you will never be punished, no matter how shady the choice is.

 

[staticshock]

Here is a crazy story. I was at a training camp in Germany preparing to go to Iraq with my unit. I was on guard duty all night and the a$$hole designers decided to put the shytter outside the fukking locked gates.

There are no where to take a shyt and I had the squirts man.

I tried holding it but nikka had 6 hours left.

I got out that tower and took a squat right behind a Humvee and shyt all over the place. I went back on duty like nothing was wrong.

I am sleeping the next day trying to recover when my commander comes in with the first sergeant to recover me for command on post, a full bird colonel and Sergeant Major.

My first sergeant has no clue what is going on but has that look like, "nikka you better not get us in trouble."

I sit down in front of the Full Bird Colonel and Sergeant Major. They close the door.

Sergeant Major "Son, I would like to discuss guard duty last evening.It appears someone took a shyt in the Motor Pool behind a vehicle. Do you know anything about that?"

Me "Oh that? Yeah that was me."

They both started dying laughing. The First Sergeant opened the door to see what the commotion was.

" Son, why the hell did you do that?"

Sergeant Major can't control himself. He is just dying.

"Some knucklehead decided to put the only toilet on the other side of a locked gate. It was almost like the motor pool staff was taunting me, so I was like

and went behind the Humvee to do God's work."

They were like

The Sergeant Major said "Those guys were so pissed! They had to clean that shyt up. "

I was like "Sorry."

They couldn't keep it in. They had totally lost all control of the moment. They told my First Sergeant to escort me back and said there was nothing to worry about.

My First Sergeant was like how the fukk did that work...

FYI, if you can explain how you did what ANY SOLDIER WOULD DO in a shytty situation and are honest, you will never be punished, no matter how shady the choice is.

Bruh I always hated when I was walking around base and I saw some shiny silver or gold on a Marines collar

Had to process what rank it was within a split second and give the correct greeting or get ya ass cursed out in front of everyone

 

[TheDarkskinnedDrake]

We had soapy girls in Japan..they’d give you a bubble bath & massage and give you a happy ending. Lame ass cacs who never got attention from women before they joined the military fell in love with them


I think I told this story on here but during a training mission in the Philippines one year a marine from another unit killed a hooker cause she turned out to be a man & tried to hide the body under his hotel mattress

U.S. Marine Guilty in Killing of Transgender Woman in Philippines


It happened the day before we were supposed to leave, but we ended staying there a whole extra month. Had to sleep in a dusty ass bus depot for a week & eat off MRES until they found a hotel where we stayed for a couple weeks till ol boy got formally charged and arrested

That was the unit that replaced us there

 

[staticshock]

That was the unit that replaced us there

bruh tell these nikkas

the Philippines is just

did yall get libbo around Clark Air Base after training was over there?

 

[Yade]

A long time ago me and my friends use to kick it with these soilder on my grandmas block , looking back its weird because breh was 17 with his own pad and car anyways all he did was play video games , real quiet type , and never really said much but there was this one time where he told us to never join the military that it was fukked up , just the vibe he gave it when he said it told me all I needed to know
Breh told us he’s computer growled out at him while watching 9/11 YouTube videos , after I heard that I almost crapped myself

 

[JP_614]

Guess ill tell one story for the night

I forgot the year but has anybody ever dealt with somebody whos on suicide watch?

So we had this guy I forgot his name to be honest and he was on suicide watch bout to get med boarded so hes a E&E troop im avionics so they pick my boy who I party with whos E&E to watch him for the weekend bad choice.

Its a UFC fight weekend so we always have a get together it was the fight where Jon Jones put the guy to sleep with a standing guillotine so we drinking we give the kid whos on suicide watch

two four lokos like fukk it you gonna be our problem for the weekend you gonna drink and man he got drunk and started acting crazy. Saying shyt like im feel im going to die n shyt we couldn't

leave him alone. We took his phone so he wouldnt make any dumb calls Im like let hit sac and go out n shyt. Since we couldnt leave him we bring him with us. Hes still acting crazy so im like

fukk it ill give him half a bar and that shyt will knock him out by the time we make it all the way to sac. Wrong choice again hes still up so im like fukk it lets bring him in get a table so he can sit

down we at plararie downtown he falls asleep in the spot so we just put him in the car to sleep crack the windows. We head out get back to the car and he threw up every in the back of my

mans truck hit dennys eat n shyt ride back he wakes up the next day like that was the best night i ever had in my life

 

[KING WILL]

Man, I got a few.

My squad was Quick Reaction Force for the base/area this day. Wasnt shyt popping, so we all went to the chow hall for lunch. We eating and Sgt. gets a call on his headset. Hes says fukk! let's go! Bravo just got hit, its bad. We start gearing up and shyt. Turns out, the rear vehicle let a truck get to close and it ended up being a VBIED, or a Vehicle Born IED.

We head out there and turns out they are not to far from the base. Forgot to add. Realizing they couldnt fukk with us head up, getting a vehicle as close as they could to a convoy and blowing it up was their number 1 combat tactic at this time. So, the gunner in the rear vehicle had a green light to fukk up any car trying to get close to them.

So, we get out there and the rear vehicle is fukkED up. You could still fill the heat coming up from the area where the car exploded. Apparently, the VBIED went off, then some small arms fire, and a few RPG's. By the time we got there, all of the wounded were transported out. There were body parts and shyt spread around.

Then after being out there for 5-10 mins, we get word that one of our soldiers passed away, so SGT ordered that were not leaving non of him out here (meaning body parts). The Medic was already gathering what he could, but a short time later he came up to me and I was like, Yo, Will, its a lot, can you see if you can help me? I call the SGT. over and hes like yea.

Pieces of flesh, skin, bone, half of the foot. shyt was crazy. We ventured out a lil bit further from the immediate area and spotting his Kevlar like more than 100 yard away. Not gonna lie, that shyt fukked with me for a li bit. And this was after already seeing some fukked up shyt. But finding that helmet so far away was fukked.

 

[TheDarkskinnedDrake]

bruh tell these nikkas

the Philippines is just

did yall get libbo around Clark Air Base after training was over there?

Yea we ended up getting a week off there lived in this nice ass hotel and was just running hoes through the whole week.

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

Here is a crazy story. I was at a training camp in Germany preparing to go to Iraq with my unit. I was on guard duty all night and the a$$hole designers decided to put the shytter outside the fukking locked gates.

There are no where to take a shyt and I had the squirts man.

I tried holding it but nikka had 6 hours left.

I got out that tower and took a squat right behind a Humvee and shyt all over the place. I went back on duty like nothing was wrong.

I am sleeping the next day trying to recover when my commander comes in with the first sergeant to recover me for command on post, a full bird colonel and Sergeant Major.

My first sergeant has no clue what is going on but has that look like, "nikka you better not get us in trouble."

I sit down in front of the Full Bird Colonel and Sergeant Major. They close the door.

Sergeant Major "Son, I would like to discuss guard duty last evening.It appears someone took a shyt in the Motor Pool behind a vehicle. Do you know anything about that?"

Me "Oh that? Yeah that was me."

They both started dying laughing. The First Sergeant opened the door to see what the commotion was.

" Son, why the hell did you do that?"

Sergeant Major can't control himself. He is just dying.

"Some knucklehead decided to put the only toilet on the other side of a locked gate. It was almost like the motor pool staff was taunting me, so I was like

and went behind the Humvee to do God's work."

They were like

The Sergeant Major said "Those guys were so pissed! They had to clean that shyt up. "

I was like "Sorry."

They couldn't keep it in. They had totally lost all control of the moment. They told my First Sergeant to escort me back and said there was nothing to worry about.

My First Sergeant was like how the fukk did that work...

FYI, if you can explain how you did what ANY SOLDIER WOULD DO in a shytty situation and are honest, you will never be punished, no matter how shady the choice is.

That has got to be the most hilarious shyt I have EVER heard!!
But you know how it goes...
"tell the truth, and tell it fast!"
First thing my SGM ever told me back at WRAMC...stuck to it to this day.

 

[Coerezmoney2212]

I scored just short of a category IV language(like arabic, chinese, korean). my problem was that I am color blind. color blindness prevents entry into any of the military intelligence occupations. I am still upset about that to this day. they were offering a $40,000 reenlistment bonus for people willing to learn korean at the time.

They gone yall 40,000 dollars