RIP. Sorry to hear bro, I don't know if this quote will make you feel any better but it helped me put the whole suicide thing into perspective, because a lot of people will sit here and think someone who commits suicide is a coward/p*ssy/going to hell blahblahblah
“People pontificate, "Suicide is selfishness." Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one's audience with one's mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it - suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what's selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.”
continue to love others is all you can do breh.