Need advice on how to deal with my mom

[trick]

Yeah family doctor. And surprise surprise, my mom doesn't want to force her to see a specialist because she doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' forcing a 'grown woman' to 'do something she doesn't to do.'

That's the excuse my mom gives whenever I tell her she needs to step in with my grandma.

Your mom is making this so much worse. Maybe all your grandma needed was some meds. You should bring her to the doctor yourself to get a referral to a neurologist.

 

[Raava]

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s dealing with family and an elder is the worst. Things like this sadly most family don't want to deal with. They want to make it someone else's problem but not seem selfish at the same time. It's extremly frustrating when someone's health is on the line and they are acting like children.

My mom was the only one trying to get her tested eveyone was in denial it seemed. She also had to basically demand the right test to diagnose my grandmother. Most family doctors don't know what they are doing when it comes to degenerative brain diseases. They didn't want to diagnose my grandmother because physically she was very healthy. She needs to go to a specialist, half the time they act like they know nothing too. So you have to do your research and ask the right questions. If your mom won't do it in all honesty work the sibling who will. Eventually, hopefully your mom will come around and see it was, whats best for her mom.

If it's something like Alzheimer’s or dementia it will be a lot. A lot a lot, more than you can imagine the further stages they get. I moved in with my Mom to help her with my Grandmother for like a year-year and a half. Out of 6 kids and 10+ grandkids there were only like 3.5, yes .5 helping and my mom and I got the brunt of it. I can expand on this but not on the board. I will for at least 2 years my family extended family was dead to me...I don't see them unless I absolutely have to.

My mom's siblings didn't want to put my grandmother in a home, meanwhile weren't doing anything to help their mom/grandmother. She really needs to be if there isn't an actual live in nurse, trained nurse. Home healthcare people can be the worst as well.

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s dealing with family and an elder is the worst. Things like this sadly most family don't want to deal with. They want to make it someone else's problem but not seem selfish at the same time. It's extremly frustrating when someone's health is on the line and they are acting like children.

My mom was the only one trying to get her tested eveyone was in denial it seemed. She also had to basically demand the right test to diagnose my grandmother. Most family doctors don't know what they are doing when it comes to degenerative brain diseases. They didn't want to diagnose my grandmother because physically she was very healthy. She needs to go to a specialist, half the time they act like they know nothing too. So you have to do your research and ask the right questions. If your mom won't do it in all honesty work the sibling who will. Eventually, hopefully your mom will come around and see it was, whats best for her mom.

If it's something like Alzheimer’s or dementia it will be a lot. A lot a lot, more than you can imagine the further stages they get. I moved in with my Mom to help her with my Grandmother for like a year-year and a half. Out of 6 kids and 10+ grandkids there were only like 3.5, yes .5 helping and my mom and I got the brunt of it. I can expand on this but not on the board. I will for at least 2 years my family extended family was dead to me...I don't see them unless I absolutely have to.

My mom's siblings didn't want to put my grandmother in a home, meanwhile weren't doing anything to help their mom/grandmother. She really needs to be if there isn't an actual live in nurse, trained nurse. Home healthcare people can be the worst as well.

This is almost exactly my situation. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where we're estranged

 

[Raava]

This is almost exactly my situation. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where we're estranged

Seeing how they treated my grandmother broke the last respect I had had for them as my aunts and uncles since I was a child. You can try to talk or even write your mother. Also be honest with yourself and do what's best for your grandmother. No matter how your moms acts. Good news is I saw them twice this year, that's more than last year so I guess it gets better.

Some of it could be denial too. It's harder for the children than grand children. As a grandchild they in your eyes are already old, you expect things like this to some extent. When you are the child you saw your parents younger, healthier, full of life they are your parent. Seeing them go through that is sometimes hard to accept and deal with.

 

[Jack Trippa 3z company ho]

Your mom is tripping, she's manipulative, and she's immature. Sending you to vmail is some BS.

She has a guilty conscience by saying "are you saying I'm pushing my mom off on you" when you said nothing of the sort. She knows exactly what she's doing.

She's prolly charging you too much for rent too and taking the difference since her guilty conscience let that out too.

She sounds like kinda a mess breh. You'd prolly be best served to keep her at arms length. Good luck.

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

Mom acting like a bytch.
Aunt acting like a bytch.
Grandma dying.
If you're a "good-boy" I say set up grandmas "old-folk home" stay...
Then walk away from all of them.
If you're an a$$hole...just walk away from them all and live your life.
They'll get their heads out their asses soon enough.

On the real yo, You're a grown man, you don't need to be dealing with foolish bytches unless you're bending em over.

I know it might sound cold, but when my grandma died I let my pops handle that.
It's his mother...not mine. The responsibility lies on the child, no one else.
If it was your mother...then maybe...maybe worry about it.

Edit: I had planned on taking care of my mother when she gets old. Started getting ready by preparing to get a bigger house so that she would have her own wing and my family the main portion of the home.
Then I thought about it...
[My mom and I never got along one day until I moved out...why would I want her moved back in!?!?!]
So then I talked with my wife and we decided that putting her in a retirement community would probably be best. However, my sister came in with the hat trick and fixed it all...lol.
She's always been competitive with me.
I get a girlfriend...she gets a boyfriend.
I get a job in a field...she gets a job in that field.
I get a home...she gets a home.
So this time, her ridiculous competition finally did me some good because moms decided to move in with my sister and her boyfriend as soon as they got their home.
Bwahahahahaha....

I win!

 

[The Nigerian]

Mom acting like a bytch.
Aunt acting like a bytch.
Grandma dying.
If you're a "good-boy" I say set up grandmas "old-folk home" stay...
Then walk away from all of them.
If you're an a$$hole...just walk away from them all and live your life.
They'll get their heads out their asses soon enough.

On the real yo, You're a grown man, you don't need to be dealing with foolish bytches unless you're bending em over.

I know it might sound cold, but when my grandma died I let my pops handle that.
It's his mother...not mine. The responsibility lies on the child, no one else.
If it was your mother...then maybe...maybe worry about it.

This sounds like really practical advice.

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

This sounds like really practical advice.

Thanks, I added in a bit more with an "Edit" to explain my current status.

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

Seeing how they treated my grandmother broke the last respect I had had for them as my aunts and uncles since I was a child. You can try to talk or even write your mother. Also be honest with yourself and do what's best for your grandmother. No matter how your moms acts. Good news is I saw them twice this year, that's more than last year so I guess it gets better.

Some of it could be denial too. It's harder for the children than grand children. As a grandchild they in your eyes are already old, you expect things like this to some extent. When you are the child you saw your parents younger, healthier, full of life they are your parent. Seeing them go through that is sometimes hard to accept and deal with.

Yeah this is true. It's definitely easier for me because my grandma has been old and doing certain crazy things as far back as I can remember. My grandma is also a hoarder But she has been one my entire life so it doesn't hurt my feelings or anything. I lived with her for awhile when I was in high school and I kept the house clean. I'll never forget my mom called me four or five years ago in tears about the state of her house. I was living out of state at the time and I was surprised at her surprise.

"Mom I've been telling you it's this bad for awhile."

The denial is crazy.

 

[Taadow]

Yeah I think she feels guilty. We need to definitely have a family meeting but we can't even get everyone in the same room together smh. I can't even get my own mother to return my calls or text messages right now. I just want to get my grandma taken care of at this point. If they find her dead in that house I will never forgive my mother.

My family is going through something similar.

Even if y'all can't get everyone in the same room together...TRY.
That way, whatever happens, anyone who wasn't there can't say anything about the outcome.

And ultimately, you all have to talk to GRANDMA and see what she wants. She's the one who needs the help,
so any decisions y'all make for her without consulting her will only complicate things.

 

[Raava]

Yeah this is true. It's definitely easier for me because my grandma has been old and doing certain crazy things as far back as I can remember. My grandma is also a hoarder But she has been one my entire life so it doesn't hurt my feelings or anything. I lived with her for awhile when I was in high school and I kept the house clean. I'll never forget my mom called me four or five years ago in tears about the state of her house. I was living out of state at the time and I was surprised at her surprise.

"Mom I've been telling you it's this bad for awhile."

The denial is crazy.

It is and its frustrating because its so selfish to me. Like because you can't man up and accept things your mom is suffering. Its easier to push things to the back of your mind than face a problem head on for a lot of people. It use to shock me how many people can't do that. My mom's siblings didn't know because they were barely there and the one who was, was trying to take advantage/too selfish to care smh .

I personally would text my mom. When we get into arguements better because you can get all your thoughts out and think them through before sending. Let her know you aren't judging her (even if you are).Let her know it's not about her, what you or anyone else thinks, it's about her mother's health. That you just want to figure out what y'all are going to do for her mom. If you come at her in a mature way, try to be understanding and she still is acting like this...just do what you have to do.

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

It is and its frustrating because its so selfish to me. Like because you can't man up and accept things your mom is suffering. Its easier to push things to the back of your mind than face a problem head on for a lot of people. It use to shock me how many people can't do that. My mom's siblings didn't know because they were barely there and the one who was, was trying to take advantage/too selfish to care smh .

I personally would text my mom. When we get into arguements better because you can get all your thoughts out and think them through before sending. Let her know you aren't judging her (even if you are).Let her know it's not about her, what you or anyone else thinks, it's about her mother's health. That you just want to figure out what y'all are going to do for her mom. If you come at her in a mature way, try to be understanding and she still is acting like this...just do what you have to do.

I'll prob text her on her bday on Thursday (maybe call, idk yet) but if she doesn't respond that's it

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

My family is going through something similar.

Even if y'all can't get everyone in the same room together...TRY.
That way, whatever happens, anyone who wasn't there can't say anything about the outcome.

And ultimately, you all have to talk to GRANDMA and see what she wants. She's the one who needs the help,
so any decisions y'all make for her without consulting her will only complicate things.

I fee like this is how my mom feels but honestly my grandma does not have the presence of mind to make decisions. At all.

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

Your mom is tripping, she's manipulative, and she's immature. Sending you to vmail is some BS.

She has a guilty conscience by saying "are you saying I'm pushing my mom off on you" when you said nothing of the sort. She knows exactly what she's doing.

She's prolly charging you too much for rent too and taking the difference since her guilty conscience let that out too.

She sounds like kinda a mess breh. You'd prolly be best served to keep her at arms length. Good luck.

Thanks

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

Mom acting like a bytch.
Aunt acting like a bytch.
Grandma dying.
If you're a "good-boy" I say set up grandmas "old-folk home" stay...
Then walk away from all of them.
If you're an a$$hole...just walk away from them all and live your life.
They'll get their heads out their asses soon enough.

On the real yo, You're a grown man, you don't need to be dealing with foolish bytches unless you're bending em over.

I know it might sound cold, but when my grandma died I let my pops handle that.
It's his mother...not mine. The responsibility lies on the child, no one else.
If it was your mother...then maybe...maybe worry about it.

Edit: I had planned on taking care of my mother when she gets old. Started getting ready by preparing to get a bigger house so that she would have her own wing and my family the main portion of the home.
Then I thought about it...
[My mom and I never got along one day until I moved out...why would I want her moved back in!?!?!]
So then I talked with my wife and we decided that putting her in a retirement community would probably be best. However, my sister came in with the hat trick and fixed it all...lol.
She's always been competitive with me.
I get a girlfriend...she gets a boyfriend.
I get a job in a field...she gets a job in that field.
I get a home...she gets a home.
So this time, her ridiculous competition finally did me some good because moms decided to move in with my sister and her boyfriend as soon as they got their home.
Bwahahahahaha....

I win!

A part of me really just wants to say 'man the fukk up and deal with your mother, IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY' to my mom.