Need advice on how to deal with my mom

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Raava

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Stacker Pentecost said:
I'll prob text her on her bday on Thursday (maybe call, idk yet) but if she doesn't respond that's it
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Yea, that's really all you can do. In my experience people are a lot of talk you have to sit back and see who actually cares. Then you have to see from those who care and who will actually help. Then go from there. Meetings and arguing don't do/mean anything when the meeting is over people do the same stuff. Good luck :hug: PM me if you need to talk I been there.
 
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Breh, why would you take over someone's house if she does not own it?

If she does live there (grandma) why live there and pay rent?

If grandma moves to a "home" then you guys should just terminate the lease and divide her belonging.
 
Address_Unknown

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Stacker Pentecost said:
This is exactly how my grandma is. Went to her house one day and it was freezing. Turns out there's a huge hole in her kitchen window because she got locked out/disoriented and so she PUNCHED A HOLE through the glass to get in. Then just taped a bag over it. She keeps starting small kitchen fires trying to cook for herself. They had to take away her license last year after she crashed her car into a hedge. Then she started taking the bus around and kept getting lost and had to get escorted home by police. She keeps calling the cops on one of the neighbors sons, a kid we've known his entire life, I went to elementary school with his older brother, because she keeps forgetting who he is and wondering who is that *thug* (:snoop:) outside.

I keep telling my mom, hire somebody or we have to put her in a facility. One day it's yes, the next day it's no. I work full time and so does she, she's literally only there on weekends. My grandma is alone all week, which was why she wanted me to move in.

Me and my mom have always had a pretty good relationship as long as we weren't under the same roof. We have never had a fight like this since I've been grown and out of the house, which is why I'm not sure what to do here. And she's wrong as fukk. Like... Come on.
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The gradual onset of what I can only assume is dementia (We never got my Grandmom's tested 'cause Caribbean folk in my parts just generally chalk all forms of dementia/senility up to old age and cook with that) went from lighthearted observance (One time we was in Spain and she kept picking up the SAME piece of bread and bytching about how she worked in the hospitality business for x amount of years and that only lazy people serve hard bread only to put it down, blink for 10 seconds and pick it back up as if it was the first time she saw it.:bryan:) to growing worry (Parking her car at the Supermarket and then walking home thinking she walked there instead..) to her now having full blown conversations with herself about people she ain't seen in decades. Once she starts doing bullshyt like leaving the fire/gas on, flooding bathrooms and plugging up toilets with objects and shyt then we had to step in and get that sitter, a lady who does this sort of shyt that knows her from church. We lucked out with her and she worth every damn penny.:to:

Your situation might be a bit tough 'cause even though my Grandmom's can't recognize younger folk (My bro, sister, younger cousins etc..) her hostility towards 'em is just to get away as opposed to calling the cops. Your Gran sounds a bit more socially conscious than mine with that...but I can see that being a problem if she goes to a home where she don't know NOBODY. :merchant: She'll more than likely kick up a fuss and the last thing you'd want is to think that someone's doing your Grandmom's wrong on some 'I work this job 'cause it pays me but I treat the folk like shyt and get away with it' tip. If we were living in the UK we'd be screwed to a point 'cause my grandmother only really talks warmly with faces she knows or think she knows.

Does your grandmom wander or go 'see people' and shyt like mine does? That's when we had to get the sitter. Even though she was home alone and that was a huge gamble in terms of safety, when she started going out the road to visit relatives and friends (Most of the times with no shoes, clutching bullshyt, smelling unwashed) we had to man up and do shyt. Thankfully people in the community know her and would call to let my mom's know where she was at, distract her with conversation until we arrived and picked her up, but she insists on doing that shyt and gets angry when you don't let her go where she wants to go.

man..at this point I don't even know what more to say man...It's depressing as fukk and I wish you the best with your Grandmom's and mom's, man. I hope it all works.:to:
 
Stacker Pentecost

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Address_Unknown said:
The gradual onset of what I can only assume is dementia (We never got my Grandmom's tested 'cause Caribbean folk in my parts just generally chalk all forms of dementia/senility up to old age and cook with that) went from lighthearted observance (One time we was in Spain and she kept picking up the SAME piece of bread and bytching about how she worked in the hospitality business for x amount of years and that only lazy people serve hard bread only to put it down, blink for 10 seconds and pick it back up as if it was the first time she saw it.:bryan:) to growing worry (Parking her car at the Supermarket and then walking home thinking she walked there instead..) to her now having full blown conversations with herself about people she ain't seen in decades. Once she starts doing bullshyt like leaving the fire/gas on, flooding bathrooms and plugging up toilets with objects and shyt then we had to step in and get that sitter, a lady who does this sort of shyt that knows her from church. We lucked out with her and she worth every damn penny.:to:

Your situation might be a bit tough 'cause even though my Grandmom's can't recognize younger folk (My bro, sister, younger cousins etc..) her hostility towards 'em is just to get away as opposed to calling the cops. Your Gran sounds a bit more socially conscious than mine with that...but I can see that being a problem if she goes to a home where she don't know NOBODY. :merchant: She'll more than likely kick up a fuss and the last thing you'd want is to think that someone's doing your Grandmom's wrong on some 'I work this job 'cause it pays me but I treat the folk like shyt and get away with it' tip. If we were living in the UK we'd be screwed to a point 'cause my grandmother only really talks warmly with faces she knows or think she knows.

Does your grandmom wander or go 'see people' and shyt like mine does? That's when we had to get the sitter. Even though she was home alone and that was a huge gamble in terms of safety, when she started going out the road to visit relatives and friends (Most of the times with no shoes, clutching bullshyt, smelling unwashed) we had to man up and do shyt. Thankfully people in the community know her and would call to let my mom's know where she was at, distract her with conversation until we arrived and picked her up, but she insists on doing that shyt and gets angry when you don't let her go where she wants to go.

man..at this point I don't even know what more to say man...It's depressing as fukk and I wish you the best with your Grandmom's and mom's, man. I hope it all works.:to:
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My grandma doesn't wander yet but I think we're headed down that path. And she gets pissed off too when we don't let her do what she wants, it was a MISSION taking her car keys away. Smelling unwashed and plugging up toilets tho - check. My grandma does that. I'm glad you lucked up and found a good caretaker.
 
Diondon

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When it comes to the constant care of the elderly
You'll be surprised a lotta people don't want to be saddled with the responsibility.
Your mom is tripping
Why you gotta pay rent and still be the primary caretaker of Grandma? :why:
The best bet is to hire a live in nurse and yall split the expenses
but God bless
 
Address_Unknown

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Stacker Pentecost said:
My grandma doesn't wander yet but I think we're headed down that path. And she gets pissed off too when we don't let her do what she wants, it was a MISSION taking her car keys away. Smelling unwashed and plugging up toilets tho - check. My grandma does that. I'm glad you lucked up and found a good caretaker.
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I'm hoping you luck out too, man. I don't think any of us dealing with this shyt now despite seeing the signs slowly creep up on the horizon thought we would be dealing with our older folks in this capacity. Frail and Feeble, yeah, we'd be down for that, but the mental health detoriation to the point of dementia never seemed on the cards 'cause I'm sure like my Gran, yours is still healthy enough and without the brain trouble she'd be fine on her own I'm sure. Once again, best of luck moving forward, man.
 
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