Real Relationship Quarrel, chime in

[FTBS]

The first step is to make sure she truly understands what is going on. She's clearly not the most motivated person but unless she's a complete sociopath her child's well-being should be enough to motivate her. Based on what her response is to that your only other options are to sit down with her and work out a budget after she gets her new job or you do what you gotta do as a man and find either a better job or a second job or you take your seed and bounce. She doesn't sound like the type of woman you would want to leave your child in the care of and if she's unwilling to step up then she definitely isn't. She's clearly not perfect but the reality is you procreated with her imperfect ass so you gotta deal with the bed you have made. The last thing you should ever do is leave your seed high and dry. They didn't ask to be here so thusly their well-being trumps your feelings or comfort.

 

[ExpensiveThrillz]

I am at a crossroads right now in relations to my lady, the mother of my child. We moved in together in January, primarily because of me wanting to unite my family. I had plans of her working and me finding a stable job because I was living off of student loans then so we can have money in the bank. She goes ahead and quit her job because of whatever reasons knowing we're going into scary waters. Just haven't been active with anything since. She took a school loan a couple years ago and it has been an issue with her, her financial aid (she qualifies for) and the school since. It is pretty much July and she got a BS job at Fridays at the airport but quit that. I gave my blessings because it was a hassle and cost too much just to work there but hasn't been on her grind to find something else.

I work a POS job ($11/hr in fukking Miami) right now but I am actively looking for greener pastures. The expenses are killing me slowly and the money has dried up so it is paycheck to paycheck and it is still not enough.

So, my issue is if she doesn't start actively looking for something then I am beginning to seriously consider dropping this relationship. The hook is our son and the man in me can't leave him hanging. However, I didn't sign up to do this alone.

How would you dudes go about this predicament?

it seems like you guys are learning very quickly that financial planning is one of the most critical components needed to sustain healthy relationships....

ya'll have barely lived together for a half year and you're already throwing up distress flares....that makes it clear that you guys didn't talk or plan...just acted. I salute you for being a stand up man and doing the right thing in heart/spirit by wanting to have your family unit together. However, you've got to start letting logic and hard fast financial rules help ya'll outta the hole....bottom line is if your woman is college educated or holds any type of experience then she needs to work. tell her that...especially because its not even an option because you need 2 incomes to support your home. start there by being frank with your fears and concerns....if baby muvah is faking or doesn't comprehend then you got your work cut out

godspeed

 

[mcdivit85]

Breh, your chick is being dead weight as a result of symptoms from your interaction with her. And its starting to put a strain on your ability to take care of each other and your child.

I would suggest:

- Sitting her down and making her unequivocally aware of the household's financial situation: it seems that she doesn't seem to understand how rough a spot your family is in right now. She needs to understand that you're currently not able to provide for the family by yourself and need her to chip in financially. And that if she doesn't, then that means your family may be split up due to not being able to maintain a family residence

- Looking yourself in the mirror and realizing she's acting the way you allow: I know this is 2014 and this is misogynous in tone, but women are followers, playa. And that's not a bad thing....that's how and why they were created....to be help-meets for man. But if you don't put your woman on a mission and give her rules to follow, then she will degenerate into a child-like state. And that child-like state is a result of YOU allowing her to not be responsible and not be an adult WAY BEFORE your current situation. The ONLY way she would feel comfortable enough to quit a job she knows that she needs for her home is because she feels there are no repercussions for her actions. Truthfully, that would fall under a sign of disrespect.

- Sitting down with her and making a plan: you two are in this together....not on some moral sh#t....but on some real, we need two incomes sh#t. So, she needs to understand that her financial contribution to the household is vital at the current moment. She needs to find an income source, so she can help you two stay on your own instead of moving in with your or her parents. That's not a good look....and a guarantee that some janky behavior will ensue.

Unfortunately, there's no real way out of this since you already have the child and have the spot, so you two need to step up to remain autonomous. And you need to lead and get her mind right, so the family thing can work out.

Peace

 

[Taadow]

there's your problem right there.

Ding ding muthafuccin' ding.

...she ain't said NAYTHAN about why she quit that job??
In my vast experience with women, especially ones i've been close to, they can't STFU about
what's wrong with their jobs. When they quit, you already know why. lol

And then she done quit another job??

Like @mcdivit85 said, you need to be communicating with ya brizzoad when chit like this go down...
she gotta understand that her decisions affect the yard now.
[Al Jerreau] Y'aaaaaaaaaaall in this chiiiiiit toGEtherrrrrr...you're the parents of a child foreverrrrrrrr [/lightskint vocals]

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

Sorry, just got in from work. I appreciate all the input and I had the talk. She received an email about a teller position at Wells Fargos to schedule an interview in the near future.