So.....Humans may have just caused Koala Bears to Become "Funtionally Extinct"

[Shogun]

Koalas are fukking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fukking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shyt and occasionally scream like fukking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fukking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fukking hate them.

 

[Shogun]

And humans will be next...

You'e predicting that after koalas go extinct it will be humans?

Thread keeps getting funnier.

 

[inndaskKy]

Eat ya mommas ass brehs

Every human not born through a c-section technically has sex with his/her mother on their day of birth as both your genitals and your tongue pass your momma's p*ssy in order for you to be born

Spoiler

 

[killacal]

Every human not born through a c-section technically has sex with his/her mother on their day of birth as both your genitals and your tongue pass your momma's p*ssy in order for you to be born

Spoiler

You really thought that was clever

Have white humor brehs

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

Saw an article on this and am very seriously considering donating

 

[inndaskKy]

You really thought that was clever

Have white humor brehs

You caught feelings

Be a cac and try to insult someone by claiming they're a cac brehs

 

[Shogun]

Saw an article on this and am very seriously considering donating

No, koalas are not 'functionally extinct', but they are in trouble

 

[Shogun]

You caught feelings

Be a cac and try to insult someone by claiming they're a cac brehs

So far this morning on the Coli I've seen:

Cacs blamed for the military industrial complex
Cacs blamed for the extinction of Koalas (which isn't actually happening)
Cacs blamed for bad jokes
Cacs blamed for accusing others of being cacs.

 

[inndaskKy]

So far this morning on the Coli I've seen:

Cacs blamed for the military industrial complex
Cacs blamed for the extinction of Koalas (which isn't actually happening)
Cacs blamed for bad jokes
Cacs blamed for accusing others of being cacs.

The concept of blame in the last two sentences isn't appropriate, especially when compared to the first two (correctly applied) instances.

 

[2Quik4UHoes]

Koalas are fukking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fukking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shyt and occasionally scream like fukking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fukking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fukking hate them.

 

[Professor Emeritus]

The Austrailian govt can't pay for this on their own?

Australian government is similar to current USA government, a far-right business-friendly conservative group that doesn't give a shyt about the environment or human rights. I don't really follow Australian politics but I got a few close friends from there and they were going nuts after the last election when this group got reelected, apparently the polls had been against them but they got better turnout just like Trump and Brexit.

 

[Jean Jacket]

Not fond of Koalas. They are a mostly shyt animal.

I wouldn't dropkick one if I saw one.

But I also wouldn't care if they were all gathered together and shot into space toward the sun.

 

[badboys11]

I heard koalas are stupid. I could see them being similar to dodos

 

[badboys11]

Not fond of Koalas. They are a mostly shyt animal.

I wouldn't dropkick one if I saw one.

But I also wouldn't care if they were all gathered together and shot into space toward the sun.

Well ok what happened to you in life where rounding up some auatralian koalas and sending a rocket to the sun full of said koalas to the sun is a good idea

 

[2Quik4UHoes]

I wonder what would happen if they started eating almonds or some other brain food? Might fukk around and turn into Australian racc00ns....