So.....Humans may have just caused Koala Bears to Become "Funtionally Extinct"

[General Mills]

Koalas are fukking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fukking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shyt and occasionally scream like fukking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fukking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fukking hate them.

 

[Jean Jacket]

Well ok what happened to you in life where rounding up some auatralian koalas and sending a rocket to the sun full of said koalas to the sun is a good idea

I saw a documentary on Koalas and was utterly disturbed and convinced that I want nothing to do with them.

 

[Pressure]

So far this morning on the Coli I've seen:

Cacs blamed for the military industrial complex
Cacs blamed for the extinction of Koalas (which isn't actually happening)
Cacs blamed for bad jokes
Cacs blamed for accusing others of being cacs.

I dont see the problem

 

[Shogun]

I dont see the problem

Dudes stub their tow and blame cacs at this point.

 

[Black Panther]

Koalas are fukking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fukking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shyt and occasionally scream like fukking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fukking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fukking hate them.

Not one lie was told

 

[Pressure]

Dudes stub their tow and blame cacs at this point.

Spoiler

the sidewalk is white

 

[badboys11]

I saw a documentary on Koalas and was utterly disturbed and convinced that I want nothing to do with them.

but yet you devised an entire scenario where koalas are herded into a spaceship and shot into the sun. I think one of them koalas bit you

 

[Micky Mikey]

You'e predicting that after koalas go extinct it will be humans?

Thread keeps getting funnier.

We are currently in the middle of the sixth mass extinction. There is massive and irreparable bio diversity loss taking place. Our civilization is on borrowed time. We keep thinking we can continue to plunder the earth as if we are hyper beings independent and unaffected by earths delicate ecosystems.
This may be stretch of the imagination but there are perhaps billions of civilizations who've existed in our universe and followed the same tragectory only to destroy themselves because of it. Either we learn to live within the bounds of mother earth or we too may perish and meet similar fates with any evidence of our civilization evaporating with the advancement of time.

 

[badboys11]

We are currently in the middle of the sixth mass extinction. There is massive and irreparable bio diversity loss taking place. Our civilization is on borrowed time. We keep thinking we can continue to plunder the earth as if we are hyper beings independent and unaffected by earths delicate ecosystems.
This may be stretch of the imagination but there are perhaps billions of civilizations who've existed in our universe and followed the same tragectory only to destroy themselves because of it. Either we learn to live within the bounds of mother earth or we too may perish and meet similar fates with any evidence of our civilization evaporating with the advancement of time.

i believe one of the greatest mistakes modern archaeology makes is assuming technology amd our modern world is the template. Older civs didnt use the same methods we do and if u try to research older civs using modern ways u wont find anything

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

Dudes stub their tow and blame cacs at this point.

cacs build the furniture we buy...fukk ikea and them dutch cacs for my stubbed toe

 

[jwinfield]

Koalas are fukking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fukking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shyt and occasionally scream like fukking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fukking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fukking hate them.

 

[88m3]

I'd prefer if we're not killing off native species due to our destructive and unnecessary development habits

 

[Sugar]

.

 

[Unknown Poster]

And humans will be next...

Frankly, I think we deserve it.

That image of that koala in the OP made me sad.



Humanity is such a destructive entity. Destroying ecosystems that benefit many plants and animals just for short term profits we dont deserve this planet.

*BTW when I mean "we" I really mean white folks especially they the ones that run the multi billion dollar corporations and governments that are actively destroying the planet. Black folk? We aint do shyt.

 

[BaileyPark31]

A whole thread of koala ether


RIP koalabrehs.