So what is wrong with settling?

[onelastdeath]

What about the scenario where this man has the best personality and only because of his money did she go with him?

Settling for looks wise sounds a bit wrong in that you can be attracted to a 7 just like a 10.

I think that's pretty much what I said.

 

[Blackout]

I think that's pretty much what I said.

What I see was you making a scenario where she wasnt attracted to him because of his looks but only likes him for his money.

I just provided an alternate scenario where she could be attracted to him but only decided to act upon it when he had money.

 

[Diondon]

Yeah, more options, which means they settle more. They have the pick of the crop.

While men, might not have the pick of the crop, and in the end be grateful for what they DO have and appreciate it and love it like its the best thing. Which is why 70% of divorce are initiated by women.

I think that's a whole nother dynamic

 

[onelastdeath]

What I see was you making a scenario where she wasnt attracted to him because of his looks but only likes him for his money.

I just provided an alternate scenario where she could be attracted to him but only decided to act upon it when he had money.

I think that's equally as bad. But to each their own. Money should be the very last thing on the list of why you want someone. The very last. Anyone who were to approach you exactly when you have money is a no go. I don't know their situation, I was generalizing for what I see a lot in society.

 

[MikelArteta]

Oh wait were talking about settling for looks?

I think the older you get on both sides looks matter less, especially if you've dealt with attractive before.

Not saying you'd date or marry a fatty or ugly type person, just that an average looking girl/guy that you probably wouldn't have given the time of day to 5 years ago you now desire something of substance ala characteristics personality etc.

Its like my uncle always had dimes and hot women but he "settled" for my aunt. But as the years go on I see my aunt is one of those rare brehettes.

 

[Blackout]

I think that's equally as bad. But to each their own. Money should be the very last thing on the list of why you want someone. The very last. Anyone who were to approach you exactly when you have money is a no go. I don't know their situation, I was generalizing for what I see a lot in society.

True

What I was getting at is that many settle for looks and many settle for personality and it would be better to settle for looks than personality because personality/compatibility is key.

My bad for not making it clear.

 

[MikelArteta]

I agree a persons financial position can change like that 0-100 or 100-0

But a persons core won't.

I'm the same person I am when I was getting 20 a week for allowance

So will a cheater, abuser, manipulator etc.

I think that's equally as bad. But to each their own. Money should be the very last thing on the list of why you want someone. The very last. Anyone who were to approach you exactly when you have money is a no go. I don't know their situation, I was generalizing for what I see a lot in society.

 

[Arianne Martell]

I want to ask my boyfriend what he had to "settle" with me but I know that would be a bad idea

 

[The Mad Titan]

Nothing is wrong with settling, people do it all the time. It just depends on the context of it, I'll start off with a extreme example.

1) You and a group of 30 people win a large sum of money ( a million a piece ) , you get the option to settle with the cut you've won or put you name in a hat and win all of it (30 million). You don't know how many other people have taken this option or not....do you settle with 1 million or go for more?

2) You need a car to get back and forth to work, someone is selling a used corolla that's dented up but reliable. Buying this car guarantees you can get to work everyday but puts you back years on getting you dream car. Do you settle?

People have a problem settling when they dont respect what they have currently or the situation they are in currently. If you are a big dreamer, have plans and ideal's then its nothing wrong with not settling until you get to those goals or plans. But if you want a woman or a man thats a 10, that's going to take care of you and your kids, cook, clean, cut grass, change the oil, have amazing sexy, agree with everything you say or do... you are going to be waiting a long time. And you will settle unless you plan on dating for months at a time for the rest of your life.


There are some things such as morals, and standards that you shouldn't settle on. Everything else there is absolutely nothing wrong with settling, if settling makes you happy or content. If you settling on something or for someone and it annoys you or brings very little if any joy to your life..then you messed up.

 

[RiffRaff]

Given how social dynamics work, I think guys overall are more content with settling than girls.

 

[Arianne Martell]

Nothing is wrong with settling, people do it all the time. It just depends on the context of it, I'll start off with a extreme example.

1) You and a group of 30 people win a large sum of money ( a million a piece ) , you get the option to settle with the cut you've won or put you name in a hat and win all of it (30 million). You don't know how many other people have taken this option or not....do you settle with 1 million or go for more?

2) You need a car to get back and forth to work, someone is selling a used corolla that's dented up but reliable. Buying this car guarantees you can get to work everyday but puts you back years on getting you dream car. Do you settle?

People have a problem settling when they dont respect what they have currently or the situation they are in currently. If you are a big dreamer, have plans and ideal's then its nothing wrong with not settling until you get to those goals or plans. But if you want a woman or a man thats a 10, that's going to take care of you and your kids, cook, clean, cut grass, change the oil, have amazing sexy, agree with everything you say or do... you are going to be waiting a long time. And you will settle unless you plan on dating for months at a time for the rest of your life.


There are some things such as morals, and standards that you shouldn't settle on. Everything else there is absolutely nothing wrong with settling, if settling makes you happy or content. If you settling on something or for someone and it annoys you or brings very little if any joy to your life..then you messed up.

 

[Remote]

Here is the thing about that. With regards to relationships, you should always have some sort of growth within the depth
of the interactions and feelings. We aren't talking simply hypergamy or going from a beer belly to a six pack.

Striving for better should be a lifestyle in which you self improve and self discover to know what is best. A lot of people bumble
through life and take whatever comes to them, which is fine, but isn't productive if you want to reach a true state of happiness
and contentment. Not all relationships are meant to work out. The problem is people putting so much investment into so-so,
ho-hum unions and are surprised when later the feelings they thought they would get aren't there. Marriage and kids put lives
in a chokehold in which everyone pushes to make something work that simply may not.

You don't have to go on an endless search for the sweeter brand of honey, but you should explore your wants and desires enough
that when you find an acceptable flavor, you can live your life creating new recipes with it as a base instead of wandering the
grocery aisles looking for the feeling that ANY honey used to give you in the first place.

 

[onelastdeath]

The danger in settling is you won't be truly satisfied. You will learn to resent the situations.

Starter husband/starter wife
Settling because of a timeline
Oh I think she's the hottest I can get.


I don't agree in settling, its selfish, its detrimental, and usually always ends bad.

It's incredibly selfish, especiallly when the other party involved doesn't know. I hate to bring up something as fictitious as a TV SHOW. But before I finished "The Affair" a couple of months ago, I picked up on something that probably happens a lot, and probably has serious marital elements in it.

Helen: Do you know why [Sighs] Do you know why I married you?

Noah: Because you loved me?

Helen:I thought you were safe.

Noah: Safe.

Helen: Do you remember how quiet you used to be? You got paralyzed if there were more than three people in the conversation.
I mean, you only spoke to me. Everyone else thought you were mute.And I I could have had anyone when I was young.
I'm sorry if that sounds crass, but it's true.
[Sighs] And I chose you.
And I knew you were never gonna be president or famous or rich, but I didn't care about that, because I had a rich, famous father and he was such a fukking a$$hole, and you adored me.
I knew you would never cheat.
You wouldn't leave, and you would be a good father, and we would have a nice life, and we would grow old and die together, and everyone would talk about how lucky we are, and what a smart choice I made.

And in the end it backfired. She went through that whole marriage like she was some prize, like she didn't have to do certain things because he couldn't do better, and he was the one who ended up stepping out . That's the problem with being "safe". You might not put as much effort into it when you think you're the prize in the situation.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

So do you think most people are not settling?

Because if most people are not settling, how do we explain these high divorce rates?
Wouldn't the divorces be somewhat indicative of people settling and sacrificing happiness?

No

Theres a lot of factors behind these divorces, but the overarching theme is people either marrying people they shouldn't have married in the first place, or getting married to someone when one or both of the people in it were not ready for it.

 

[At30wecashout]

Why is he in every relationship thread? But, anyway, nothing is wrong with settling. I'm getting used to the idea that I may not settle down with a fine chocolate stallion But, I'm sure who ever he is won't mind settling down with a Caramel dime such as myself who am I kidding it's going to take a miracle for a man to be content with the nickle that is me Be ugly brehettes

You better stiffen that upper lip and get you the chocolate thunder you want.