The Awkward, Black Boy Nerd and Why He Deserves a Chance

[Ronnie Lott]

Why you acting like I didn't say other black women besides ratchet chicks?

Most young black women aren't looking for husbands. They looking for fun cool nikkas like you. I think I recall you saying you were a college football athlete and how you ran all sorts of trains and orgies, and smashed dozens of girls in college. Basically you were that nikka. Congrats Too bad you can only marry one girl when its all said and done though. All those girls you ran through gotta find a dude to marry them, and the squares most likely WON'T be there to marry these girls in their late 20s/30s after watching you fukk all of them in their 20s Thus the article, and all the other can't find good black men articles. They been left. They might have heard them sneaking out the door but, they were too busy sucking dikk

Fair enough

Needless to say, there are still a hand of "good girls" out there for "nerdy/geeky" black dudes

 

[ridedolo]

Why you acting like I didn't say other black women besides ratchet chicks?

Most young black women aren't looking for husbands. They looking for fun cool nikkas like you. I think I recall you saying you were a college football athlete and how you ran all sorts of trains and orgies, and smashed dozens of girls in college. Basically you were that nikka. Congrats Too bad you can only marry one girl when its all said and done though. All those girls you ran through gotta find a dude to marry them, and the squares most likely WON'T be there to marry these girls in their late 20s/30s after watching you fukk all of them in their 20s Thus the article, and all the other can't find good black men articles. They been left. They might have heard them sneaking out the door but, they were too busy sucking dikk

ya'll are bitter as fukk on this site

 

[Grand Cru Boo]

I'm a regular man. I don't need labels or care to label myself in any category. I take care of business in any situation and just try to live life. Women come, women go. Every chic is not going to be checking for you and you as a man have to just accept it. The best thing you can you do is be true to yourself and continue to grow as a man. Like someone else mention, continue to put it work, hit the gym, read up, stay active, meditate, go for a walk and release, whatever it is you do but don't let these birds have control over your every move. Half of them don't know what the hell they want and will flip once they see something else or others are attracted to regardless of race.

 

[jadillac]

to keep it a buck black male nerds should just stick with white women.

but the Coli militants will call them c00ns for giving their money/success to a white woman and not the black community.

 

[jadillac]

I'm a regular man. I don't need labels or care to label myself in any category. I take care of business in any situation and just try to live life. Women come, women go. Every chic is not going to be checking for you and you as a man have to just accept it. The best thing you can you do is be true to yourself and continue to grow as a man. Like someone else mention, continue to put it work, hit the gym, read up, stay active, meditate, go for a walk and release, whatever it is you do but don't let these birds have control over your every move. Half of them don't know what the hell they want and will flip once they see something else or others are attracted to regardless of race.

Listen to this man.

 

[Art Barr]

No they aren't. You just aren't checking for them.

Every black woman damn near in America with some type of college degree is a black female nerd.
The thing is she switched up believing in bullshyt and got played.
by trying to get with the nikka that was out of their realm.
So, this whole black female nerd unicorn shyt is bullshyt.
The black female fiyoine nerd to middle of the road to ugly duckling swan look nerd all switched up to try to fit in to get guys out of their realm.

All the females boo hoo'n about being mistreated.
all went after the guy who was not in their realm.
They readily knew and agreed to be mistreated and the over abundance of cheater swag.
That most female all subscribe to.
Even the so-called intelligent black female nerd people try to act like is a unicorn.
The black female nerd damn near all are eic vampires and cs succubus type females in general.
They exist, they just morphed into virtue lacking non-committal type females.


Art Barr

Damn we regular people get no love.
Nerd this, thug that.
What about the average black person that dates the average black person?
Its always one extreme or another.

In America, black life is made to always revolve around some monumental fixation with the two.

It is a diversionary based social construct and tactic they have instituted in black American life.



Art Barr

 

[Neuromancer]

Every black woman damn near in America with some type of college degree is a black female nerd.
The thing is she switched up believing in bullshyt and got played.
by trying to get with the nikka that was out of their realm.
So, this whole black female nerd unicorn shyt is bullshyt.
The black female fiyoine nerd to middle of the road to ugly duckling swan look nerd all switched up to try to fit in to get guys out of their realm.

All the females boo hoo'n about being mistreated.
all went after the guy who was not in their realm.
They readily knew and agreed to be mistreated and the over abundance of cheater swag.
That most female all subscribe to.
Even the so-called intelligent black female nerd people try to act like is a unicorn.
The black female nerd damn near all are eic vampires and cs succubus type females in general.
They exist, they just morphed into virtue lacking non-committal type females.


Art Barr





In America, black life is made to always revolve around some momental fixation with the two.

It is a diversionary based social construct and tactic they have instituted in black American life.



Art Barr

Blessed the post.

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

Gawker recently published an article by Ernest Baker titled, “The Reality of Dating White Women When You’re Black.” In the piece Baker explains, at length, his reasons for only dating White women which boils down to the fact that he was an awkward, Black Boy Nerd and White girls were the only ones who showed him romantic interest.

Initially the article annoyed me—why would I want to read page after page of a Black man claiming Black women weren’t good enough? But when I moved beyond my emotions and Mr. Baker’s contradictory explanation, I was more concerned with his experience as a Black Boy Nerd and the reality that he had a difficult time with Black girls because they probably were more attracted to the Thug/Bad Boy types.

This led me to think about my teenage years and my investment in the Thug/Bad Boy fantasy. During the 90s, Thug Life seemed like the only viable way a Black man could prove his masculinity. I’m speaking in generalities of course; nevertheless, I remember salivating over music videos that showcased the Thug who loved his ride-or-die chick. Jay-Z, Notorious B.I.G., Tupac, Nas and countless other Hip Hop artists reinforced gender stereotypes by portraying themselves as hyper-masculine men who took charge of their destinies. In addition to 90s music, there were also television shows that reinforced the Thug/Bad Boy fantasy; for example, Carrie and Mr. Big on Sex and the City, Angela and Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life, and countless gangster movies. These shows glorified the Thug/Bad Boy, characterizing him as dark, complicated and smoldering, but upon further inspection he was just an elusive commitment phobe. By consuming these images as a teenager, I shaped my perception of masculinity; therefore, when it came time to date, I was drawn to the emotionally-stunted Thug instead of the awkward, Black Boy Nerd.

As I got older, my addiction to the Thug matured; to me, he was a challenge—someone I thought I could change and help recognize his potential. I wanted to inspire, motivate and love this man; even as he withheld his emotions, I yearned for more. I felt like if I earned his love that somehow I was validated—I was the one woman who could get him to emotionally open and commit. It didn’t occur to me until later that my romantic wires were crossed.

We were taught as little girls that if a boy liked us, he showed it by being a jerk. It stands to reason, like the book “He’s Just Not that Into You” explores, that that particular belief causes us to mistake guys’ bad behavior for affection. Think about it: if he doesn’t text right away, he’s elusive, he’s kind of snarky or an outright jerk, we find ourselves more attracted to him. Meanwhile, I wasn’t attracted to the nerdy Ernest Bakers/Steve Urkels of the world; Mr. Nice Guy in the form of a Black Boy Nerd didn’t cause my heart to go pitter-patter. He was “nice” not dangerous and somehow I perceived that as a weakness instead of strength. Enter the age-old saying: Nice guys finish last. I’m ashamed to admit, my “attraction” to the Thug was hardwired into my romantic system, leading me down a path of rejection and heartbreak.

It wasn’t until my 30s that I began questioning my line of thinking in terms of Thugs and Black Boy Nerds; I started to wonder what the Thug brought to the table. Who was he aside from smoldering good looks, stilted conversation and emotional closed-off-ness? Once I stripped away the fantasy, I realized he was a scared little boy, acting out by withholding affection and commitment and I was a scared little girl accepting his bad behavior because I didn’t think I deserved better.

The cycle had to stop.

The awkward, Black Boy Nerd is a rare creature; he isn’t the epitome of masculinity, especially the hyper-masculine Thug of the 90s. He’s considerate, sweet and romantic. He holds your hand during a movie. He probably doesn’t have tattoos or has been in a fight; he laughs at nerdy things, and he’s confident in his intellect and abilities. Is he perfect? No—especially if he’s dated girls who didn’t appreciate him. But ultimately I think he’s more willing to take a chance on something meaningful instead of the Thug/Bad Boy type who manages to elude commitment.

The more I embraced being a Black Girl Nerd, the more I discovered I wanted a Black Boy Nerd of my own. I was tired of the dark, brooding, emotional terrorism of the Thug. I rethought my archaic ideals surrounding masculinity, which helped me to embrace the type of guy that worked for me, not against me. I’m not saying Black Boy Nerds can’t hurt us, but I do think they’re worth getting to know. In addition, I understand we all have a “type” and that we’re comfortable submitting to our romantic wiring, but I believe we can benefit from taking on alternative perspectives and questioning our ideals. This includes awkward, Black Boy Nerds who feel they can only find viable romantic relationships with White women.

By re-examining my stance on masculinity and what I’m “attracted” to, I’m able to appreciate the uniqueness of the Black Boy Nerd. Here’s someone I can be myself with; I can nerd-out on Game of Thrones and Harry Potter. I can snort when I laugh, or freak out over traffic; we can spend the evening inside watching documentaries on Netflix or explore a quiet bookstore downtown. Instead of mysterious and laconic, he’s nervous and available—and to me, it’s adorable.

Awkward, Black Boy Nerds give us the freedom to walk in our authenticity and we do the same for them. Here, our quirks and peccadillos are appreciated, not judged. As a BGN who was definitely addicted to the Thug/Bad Boy, it’s refreshing to experience another side of dating—one with sweet available guys who are interested in getting to know me instead of wasting my time. Yes, he may be awkward but I’ll let you in on a little secret—so am I.

About Chantell Monique
Chantell Monique is a Creative Writing instructor and screenwriter, living in Los Angeles. She holds a MA in English from Indiana University, South Bend. She’s a Black Girl Nerd who’s addicted to Harry Potter, Netflix and anything pertaining to social justice, and female representation in film and television. Twitter @31pottergirl

Tweets with replies by Chantell Monique (@31pottergirl) on Twitter

http://blackgirlnerds.com/the-awkward-black-boy-nerd-and-why-he-deserves-a-chance-2/

Now that she's old and washed up she don't want thugs

I doubt that she really likes "nerdy" black men, she just doesn't want white women to have them.

I was coming to say the same thing. She better be spreading that to the younger chicks so black nerd boys can get prime p*ssy.

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

Who's saying nerds?

Dudes hype up girls as being fukkable all the time but will say a chick isn't wife able. Dudes will consistently say that you supposed to just fukk thots but not marry them...

HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT? How is a blowing the back out of thots but marrying a nice, wholesome girl any different than a girl getting her back blown out by thugs and marrying a nice, nerdy nikka?

Explain.

The only counter I can make is these connections have to be much earlier life and not giving our prime to people that aren't compatible.

 

[TEH]

And in the context of the 80's prince was exactly that a "bad boy".

There have always been guys that struggled with women, the insinuation that it started with Gangsta Rap is well..insane

I never said that some people didn't struggle to get women nor did I insinuate it. I simply said that everyone I knew was eating - that's probably a small sample size. I also implied that you didn't have to be extra tough or a thug before gansta rap to get certain female attention. Thank God that's changed once again. BTW I refuse to see Prince as a bad boy. I guess if I were old enough when he first came out I would see it differently.

 

[Insensitive]

I never said that some people didn't struggle to get women nor did I insinuate it. I simply said that everyone I knew was eating - that's probably a small sample size. I also implied that you didn't have to be extra tough or a thug before gansta rap to get certain female attention. Thank God that's changed once again. BTW I refuse to see Prince as a bad boy. I guess if I were old enough when he first came out I would see it differently.

I'm not even in my 30's and I understand where Prince fits in a musical/historical context.
And maybe YOU aren't insinuating it but there are definitely people who agree with your line of thinking who HAVE.

Being "extra tough" does not make one a "thug", this is the problem with this dichotomy because under any other circumstances we'd
acknowledge this as patently false and completely ridiculous but when it comes to supposedly attracting a mate we casually accept this idea
of "thugs" getting black women and as some posters have insinuated they get the "best" black women.

When I was younger, I manage to get young black women to look my way without having to be some sort of childhood delinquent and as I've
matured into adulthood and interacted with more black women/men I find there are far more black (NORMAL) couples than there are these
scenes of mutual dysfunction being painted in here.

 

[Street Knowledge]

This thread was everything I thought it was gonna be

 

[StickStickly]

Never understood the attraction to baggy pants wearing, one dimensional thugs.

But expecting women to be attracted to urkel? Come on. The voice, the stance, the facial expressions...not exactly sexy. I've never seen anyone as bad as urkel in real life though.

 

[StickStickly]

I was the anomaly. The girl way out of his league that gave the nerd a chance. And last week it landed me in the same place as I would be if I dated the guys who were the ones every girl wanted who had approached me and I had turned them down. Heart-broken? Yes. Do I feel cheated? Absolutely. But you learn that there is no nerd, or thug or whatever distinction. People are people.

"I could spend my who life Good Will Hunting..."

Yup. Nerds hurt women too. People think all nerds are nice guys...no. Some are cocky and arrogant, some rude and aloof, some have the same traits as the thug they just don't dress like them or come from the same socioeconomic group. Some of you posting are nerdy thugs you just think because you watch anime that you're different from Tyrone who likes to gangbang. You can tell the author doesn't interact with a lot of men. People are all the same but with different tastes.

 

[Wild self]

I never said that some people didn't struggle to get women nor did I insinuate it. I simply said that everyone I knew was eating - that's probably a small sample size. I also implied that you didn't have to be extra tough or a thug before gansta rap to get certain female attention. Thank God that's changed once again. BTW I refuse to see Prince as a bad boy. I guess if I were old enough when he first came out I would see it differently.

Yeah, I said in this thread that dating, although it has bullshyt, is much better than the early 00s when you had to be on some super thug shyt to get play. I see the non thug eating a lot better than what it used to be.