Thats why i post breh. The Coli knows shyt my own family and best friends don't know.
I don't hide shyt from my peoples. They usually figure something ain't right by the way I act. They actually don't care or give a fukk because they don't take me seriously. That's the real problem. Its my responsibility to ensure that I'm well mentally but on some real shyt, its hard to be well in a world that doesn't care until after shyt gets to the point of no return. I'm trying very hard to fight back. Very hard and I try to act well to not stress out the people around me who may not know what to do. I don't want them to have to deal with that burden. I also have a huge distrust for the mental health system. I've never been so far gone but I know that a lot of those doctors do not give a fukk. It's either you have to be aware or do your homework in regards of dealing with your issues or take medication which could make you worse and be at the mercy of a supposed professional who doesn't know or care about what you're doing. I am not suicidal and I don't want to harm myself. I'm just tired of feeling hurt, being in emotional pain and mental anguish. I'm tired of feeling anxious and doing with this ocd that makes me daydream too hard where it gives me false hope. Im also tired of complaining, me fukking myself up and not doing what i need to do. It's a trip. Then when other people are ready to tell me shyt not realizing what I'm already dealing with. I spend a lot of time trying to pull myself together and that's why I spend a lot of time alone because I'm trying to heal myself and piece my internally broken self together. I sleep a lot to escape the pain, i workout, do cardio, write, sometimes travel and etc. No drugs, alcohol or anything that could make it worse. I just wish there was someone who was at least supportive enough where they weren't ashamed to be in my corner instead of telling me that I can't express myself or have to shut about when I give them a clue that I'm not well. It's not in my nature to be fake but it seems like that's the world we are living in or what most people are accepting nowadays.
But one thing I hate nowadays is people in general have a hard time being real now especially with bullshyt social media around. You got a lot of fakeness and bullshyt around. You'll have people saying what I'm saying on Facebook to be the center of attention or to get likes as if this shyt is a game. I'm real sick and tired of way these many people misusing real serious shyt for the wrong fukking reasons making a mockery out of us that are legit serious about what we say, how we feel and what we are doing.
I especially get offended when I see people who CLAIM to be activists because they say one or two words about a social injustice issue on Facebook or post a fukking posting or meme. There's way too many people false flagging and I really feel like pulling up on folks and checking them in person for that shyt.