You're this worked up from just APPLYING to a job? Not even being smart, but you may have a bigger issue to tackle. Sounds like you need to deal with your anxiety first.Just starting going through the job application process.
Reality set it really really fukkin' hard.
Realized i'm not as competent as i thought i was. Funny thing is that i run into people everyday with really great jobs in almost every field possible and it always seems as though i'm miles more competent and cerebral than they are. Or am I?
Fukk... just applied for a job and realized my resume was lackluster and my cover letter wasn't written in the guidelines of an effective CV (i'm stubborn, i always want to do things my way because if i bend.. i'm essentially breaking my own internals rules and not being true to myself - yeah i'm that dumb). The HR lady basically said get a job you're able to do and fukk off.
It would be a huge waste of talent and skills if i was relegated to blue collar work for the rest of my life.
Now I see why a lot of people become discouraged, have no legit college education and have to work dead end jobs for the rest of their lives. Shiit ain't cut out for the bleek and unseasoned. That's for sure. I really fukked myself over after getting fired. Mom dying the same year didn't help. Funny thing is, my old boss offered me my old job but i just feel like i screwed him over too severely and let him and his family/my old co-workers down... and i also feel that he's in some way just being sympathetic cuz i lost my mom and he's close to my family, so i didn't know if he was being genuine (everything you do in the dark... ALWAYS comes to the light - i paid dearly for it and my mom left this earth never seeing her only make it in this world. I at least could have given her a grand child... nope. Fukked that up too).
There's so much fukkin' pressure for me to succeed and i can't do it guys. I can't fukkin do it. I'm an emotional wreck and i haven't worked in over a year. Who the fukk is gonna hire me for something i wanna do?
If it wasn't for my family... id just get hit by a bus and call it a life.
FUKK FUKK FUKK!!!
FUKK!!!
I'M A FUKKIN' LOSER!!!!
SOMEBODY FUKKIN' KILL ME!!!!
.
.
Listen to
. That would be thousands of dollars a month and it would have drawn a major red flag.
