If I had the choice, I never would have asked to be here. How people see the struggle in life being worth anything is beyond me. People would call me ungrateful if they knew about my life. I don't care. I'm starting to feel like the things I want in this life don't exist. No matter how much I try to avoid idling myself, it never works.I could go days without thinking about it but its like I have those nights where it all just hits me at once. I've changed so many things in my life thinking it would fix something. It didn't. I feel like a broken person. I wish I was gullible enough to believe in things like religion or God or something outside of all of this. I would be much happier.