Changed my mind. Not getting a beach bum today. Gonna play video games like the trill loser I am according to my peoples, my family, my friends and etc eyes or at least that's what I think they feel about me or how im treated.
so whatever. I really try but it's hard to change my mindset when I feel that I guess it's social anxiety or whatever that I'm going to get made fun of, be disrespected, frowned down on or be treated like shyt by other people publicly or secretly. I'm holding on to past pain though as I basically replay my bullying episodes from childhood, teenage years and even some moments that I had when I'm an adult. fukk having a victims mentality. I wouldn't say I have that. I'm just weary of people for my protection. I know that's not true that the world is out to get me, everyone hates me because I know I'm not on people's minds at all not even people that know me but I'd be lying if I didn't feel like that. I have little to no confidence in myself but I force myself to go out there though but not at this moment. I don't feel like going somewhere knowing that I'm alone around other people that are not alone and wondering what other people I know are doing. I know they don't want to be around me or associate with me unless they need something which sucks. This is depressing.No one gives a fukk even though I will admit I do. I think the people who said loneliness kills is lying though I'll admit shyt is depressing and hurtful realizing when it's partially against my will. I've gotten too used to it where I don't even know how to enjoy company where I push it away. Lol. I'd text, call or email some people but I know they aren't going to respond or i just don't feel like being bothered now
Last edited:
It's funny as fukk. 
