Essential The Locker Room's Random Thoughts

[Dwolf]

this whole karma/reap what you sow shyt. Ive always understood what that meant literally obviously but my actions showed I clearly didn't understand it.

I genuinely believed I could do whatever I want with no consequences to myself. I was fully prepared to deal with the outside consequences of my shytty actions and often embraced them. Consequences regarding other people and police etc. What I didn't realise was the internal consuqemces to my self. how fukked up I was becoming over time by just continuing to live with no morals, no care for my future self.

Ive been living like a true degenerate. I'd finesse anybody out of some money. not to eat just to use that money to spend compulsively on drugs, alcohol, nights out, holidays etc. I would steal from anybody. I even finessed members of this forum out of giving me money that I just wasted on drugs. Finessed good childhood friends out of money. Even family.

Now this wasn't all purely for drugs like I was some crack head and needed a fix. If you looked at me you would of thought I was just a normal person. Dress nice, in shape etc. shyt while I was doing all this I was competing in amateur boxing and winning most of my fights. I'm not a degenerate physically I'm more talking about my actions.

I didn't want to work so I'd get money in the grimiest ways which is typical of my moroccan heritage. Those who been to or know any Moroccans know what I'm talking about.

Ill give you an example of the kind of shyt I was doing. We knew this half retarded kid who was a bit off cus he almost died at birth and lost brain cells. So he wasn't all the way with it. Anyway he was staying in this youth hostel and was telling us about some weird old guy that pays kids from that hostel to suck his dikk and other gay shyt. This was a hostel for vulnerable teens and young adults. So me and another dude literally pimped this retarded kid out to some pervert and then took the money he earned from sucking dikk and split it. We did this a few times because wed get more money than just robbing and beating up that sicko one time.

I'm not lying when I say that I was a real piece of shyt. I'd use anybody to get what I wanted. And what i wanted was usually some short term relief from the pain I was feeling myself.

I was in a deep cycle of this shyt for years. Obviously cus of the shytty way I was living and the things I was doing I was feeling like pure shyt inside. I'm not a sociopath or psychopath. I feel a hell of a lot of guilt and shame. And those two emotions really drag you to hell. So because I was feeling like that again I'd go out and do some grimy shyt so I could self medicate.

Truly lost human being. Didn't see no point in life. Didn't believe in any future. I'd always assumed I'd die from the way I was living anyway. Now how can you make the right decisions in the moment when you have no sense of future?

This is what I learned recently. I have a sense of future now. I know I don't want to be like this forever. So now in the present moment, I make decisions based off what will benefit the future me. Like if the future me was another person that I loved, what would I want for them? Only then did I break my compulsive habitual behaviour. Completely broke the cycle.

Now I was living like this for a looong time and wasted 14-22 living like this. I'm 22 now. I'm sure most people already knew this or learned this on like a couple of acts of grimy shyt. But I persisted in this way for years in a state of pure denial. I really didn't give a fukk and that not a good thing like these weirdo self help people will have you believe. Them people never been in a state of not giving a fukk about anything. Then they gonna go write a book about how you shouldn't give a fukk.

Yikes

 

[ill_will82]

I wonder why is it I get so damn hot at night now. Jesus the shyt that makes it hard to sleep.

 

[MoroccanBoy]

Wow.

I have countless stories of doing shyt like that. For years. I pretend to be nice guy. I'm a manipulator. I didn't know that until recently when I started analysing my shyt and gaining some self awareness. I did people dirty. I manipulated my way out a prison sentence got it down to suspended. I manipulated disabling checks from the government. And then I wondered why I was feeling like shyt all the time. I'm a super empathetic person. I feel everything from all people. I'm really sensitive. Thats why doing all this shyt fukked me up. I got friends that do the same shyt probably worse but they are happy as fukk. They are true sociopaths. I die all this dirt to people and had to live with all the shyt they felt plus shame and guilt stacked on top.

 

[Rhapscallion Démone]

I told you I was a piece of shyt with no morals. Don't think I didn't pay for doing shyt like that because believe me I did.

Whatever became of the poor kid you exploited?

 

[Aphrodite]

I have countless stories of doing shyt like that. For years. I pretend to be nice guy. I'm a manipulator. I didn't know that until recently when I started analysing my shyt and gaining some self awareness. I did people dirty. I manipulated my way out a prison sentence got it down to suspended. I manipulated disabling checks from the government. And then I wondered why I was feeling like shyt all the time. I'm a super empathetic person. I feel everything from all people. I'm really sensitive. Thats why doing all this shyt fukked me up. I got friends that do the same shyt probably worse but they are happy as fukk. They are true sociopaths. I die all this dirt to people and had to live with all the shyt they felt plus shame and guilt stacked on top.

Well I appreciate the honesty. None of us are perfect. You acknowledge what you are doing is wrong and seem to want to stop. Clean it up and do some good now.

 

[MoroccanBoy]

Whatever became of the poor kid you exploited?

I think he moved away. Never seen or heard from him in a while. He's had quite a tough life. Even tho he nearly died at birth both his parents mistreat him even put him out on the street. Thats how he ended up at that hostel place. Kid was just looking for some acceptance but he stumbled into the wrong people

 

[Gully Bull]

I think he moved away. Never seen or heard from him in a while. He's had quite a tough life. Even tho he nearly died at birth both his parents mistreat him even put him out on the street. Thats how he ended up at that hostel place. Kid was just looking for some acceptance but he stumbled into the wrong people

Hope you die for that shyt

 

[Eddie_1100]

They named my man little Richie

 

[MoroccanBoy]

Hope you die for that shyt

I did die. And a better person was reborn out of this shyt.

 

[Gully Bull]

I did die. And a better person was reborn out of this shyt.

Nah that's your ego bracing itself for the terrible person you truely are.

 

[Ol’Otis]

RIP individual syle

@Prima Donna i want my Players Club pics

 

[Ol’Otis]

Hope you die for that shyt

 

[MoroccanBoy]

Nah that's your ego bracing itself for the terrible person you truely are.

How can I brace myself for something I've already been living. All that shyt already came out in the wash. Both mentally and physically.

Trust me I've been deep into who I really am. I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm a human being lime everyone else. Anything I'm capable of so are you. And if you don't believe that then you haven't taken an honest look at yourself.

It's the judgemental ones who do the most heinous shyt after their world collapses and they realise they aren't this saint they thought they were.

 

[Pazzy]

this whole karma/reap what you sow shyt. Ive always understood what that meant literally obviously but my actions showed I clearly didn't understand it.

I genuinely believed I could do whatever I want with no consequences to myself. I was fully prepared to deal with the outside consequences of my shytty actions and often embraced them. Consequences regarding other people and police etc. What I didn't realise was the internal consuqemces to my self. how fukked up I was becoming over time by just continuing to live with no morals, no care for my future self.

Ive been living like a true degenerate. I'd finesse anybody out of some money. not to eat just to use that money to spend compulsively on drugs, alcohol, nights out, holidays etc. I would steal from anybody. I even finessed members of this forum out of giving me money that I just wasted on drugs. Finessed good childhood friends out of money. Even family.

Now this wasn't all purely for drugs like I was some crack head and needed a fix. If you looked at me you would of thought I was just a normal person. Dress nice, in shape etc. shyt while I was doing all this I was competing in amateur boxing and winning most of my fights. I'm not a degenerate physically I'm more talking about my actions.

I didn't want to work so I'd get money in the grimiest ways which is typical of my moroccan heritage. Those who been to or know any Moroccans know what I'm talking about.

Ill give you an example of the kind of shyt I was doing. We knew this half retarded kid who was a bit off cus he almost died at birth and lost brain cells. So he wasn't all the way with it. Anyway he was staying in this youth hostel and was telling us about some weird old guy that pays kids from that hostel to suck his dikk and other gay shyt. This was a hostel for vulnerable teens and young adults. So me and another dude literally pimped this retarded kid out to some pervert and then took the money he earned from sucking dikk and split it. We did this a few times because wed get more money than just robbing and beating up that sicko one time.

I'm not lying when I say that I was a real piece of shyt. I'd use anybody to get what I wanted. And what i wanted was usually some short term relief from the pain I was feeling myself.

I was in a deep cycle of this shyt for years. Obviously cus of the shytty way I was living and the things I was doing I was feeling like pure shyt inside. I'm not a sociopath or psychopath. I feel a hell of a lot of guilt and shame. And those two emotions really drag you to hell. So because I was feeling like that again I'd go out and do some grimy shyt so I could self medicate.

Truly lost human being. Didn't see no point in life. Didn't believe in any future. I'd always assumed I'd die from the way I was living anyway. Now how can you make the right decisions in the moment when you have no sense of future?

This is what I learned recently. I have a sense of future now. I know I don't want to be like this forever. So now in the present moment, I make decisions based off what will benefit the future me. Like if the future me was another person that I loved, what would I want for them? Only then did I break my compulsive habitual behaviour. Completely broke the cycle.

Now I was living like this for a looong time and wasted 14-22 living like this. I'm 22 now. I'm sure most people already knew this or learned this on like a couple of acts of grimy shyt. But I persisted in this way for years in a state of pure denial. I really didn't give a fukk and that not a good thing like these weirdo self help people will have you believe. Them people never been in a state of not giving a fukk about anything. Then they gonna go write a book about how you shouldn't give a fukk.

What you mentioned is not karma breh. When you get karma, you'll know and when it happens, hope you can handle it. I think you are worried about what's bound to come to you because you know it's coming.

The question is what are you doing now for other people. Saying you feel like shyt doesn't mean anything if your actions are the same.

But yeah, you know you're not right. As long as you know though...

 

[Aphrodite]

RIP individual syle

@Prima Donna i want my Players Club pics

Me got u