mbewane
Knicks: 93 til infinity
Do you still wish to do any of these things??
Ideally, yeah, but tbh I don't feel I have the self-confidence required to do it. I'm 35
so I don't really think I'm at a period where I can really get into music or basketball very seriously, can't be a struggling producer or whatever at near 40. Central Africa is complicated for personnal reasons (some of which I can't really share here), most of the people I know there have left anyway, plus we've had more than a decade of political turmoil (with a damn-near civil war the past 2 years), so that's that. Sango is not really a language one can learn by studying books or looking for a class abroad, it's not at the level of swahili, wolof or lingala for example. Plus some things I believe you build when you're young, hell some "real" central africans go back and have a hard time adapting. Same with NY and Lisbon, I have the feeling that if I go now it would be kind of me trying to "catch up" with lost time, which is also living in the past. Even if it goes well I'll always be like "shyt, I wasted so much time". And if it doesn't work, it's back to the drawing table. The thing is also that I don't really have any "base", anywhere I really fell "at home", so it's kind of hard to move knowing that I don't really have a place I can easily come back too. All in all I guess I need like new dreams but tbh I'm kind of jaded now, so I guess I don't really believe in change or have the energy to pursue it. I've changed my life a couple times already, kind of jaded now








