What should be saved for marriage?

[MMA]

I don't expect/assume she should be cooking, or we should be living together or contacting each other everyday until marriage.

Too many long term relationships today move like married people w/o being married.
What should be saved for marriage?
*Additional questions*
1) Are you completely against pre-nups or creating your own contract based marriage to help the insecurity of today man fear of marriage?
2) Child care, home care - what responsibilities do you believe you both should do in your home?
3) Do you want to mutually handle your finances together, are you a saver or a spender - do you seek a man to correct your financial situation or vice versa?


I want honest answers, even if it isn't to "fair" man's idea of equal rights.

Asking in Salon because those gmb posters and a discussion I was having w/ some women. I feel like Marcelrellu asking these questions

 

[Rawtid]

I would wait for marriage to actually combine finances. I used to be heavily opposed to living together before marriage, but in some cases it can benefit the couple financially. Giving them room to save money, live in better areas, and stuff like that.

 

[MMA]

I would wait for marriage to actually combine finances. I used to be heavily opposed to living together before marriage, but in some cases it can benefit the couple financially. Giving them room to save money, live in better areas, and stuff like that.

Yeah I under why couples move in together to save for marriage but I feel like it devalues going from a relationship to marriage. What should be left out with finances? How should couples who have debt (student loans, CC etc) handle each other debt - do y'all feel responsible for a man debt or vice versa?

 

[Rawtid]

Yeah I under why couples move in together to save for marriage but I feel like it devalues going from a relationship to marriage. What should be left out with finances? How should couples who have debt (student loans, CC etc) handle each other debt - do y'all feel responsible for a man debt or vice versa?

I see marriage solely as a financial or wealth building opportunity, so the main changes from a relationship to marriage would be how money is handled, creating financial goals as unit and also taking advantage of married discounts like with your car insurance and amounts you can invest. I'm also a huge fan of pre-nups because I feel the best time to talk about if shyt goes bad is when you're in a good place. As far as debt goes, I would keep that separate, with the hopes of paying it down as much as possible before marriage and combining what's left and knocking it down as a team after marriage.

 

[MMA]

I see marriage solely as a financial or wealth building opportunity, so the main changes from a relationship to marriage would be how money is handled, creating financial goals as unit and also taking advantage of married discounts like with your car insurance and amounts you can invest. I'm also a huge fan of pre-nups because I feel the best time to talk about if shyt goes bad is when you're in a good place. As far as debt goes, I would keep that separate, with the hopes of paying it down as much as possible before marriage and combining what's left and knocking it down as a team after marriage.

Thank you for the responses this was good

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

- paying any of their bills on some routine shyt (not an emergency)
- giving rides to work/school or picking them up from work/school as a routine thing (not an emergency)
- letting them borrow your car
- babysitting any younger siblings are doing any major family favor
- living together


I didn't do any of the above shyt until I got married. I know some men and women who done did most if not all that shyt on the list and some of those relationships barely lasted 6 months. Then they all bitter and pissed because they gave their all plus some for something that didn't work out. That baggage then carries on to the next relationship and the cycle repeats itself.

Relationships should be fun, save all that extra work for marriage when you actually official and can really team up and do bigger and more important shyt to move ya'll forward.

Just my 2 cents tho.

 

[MMA]

- paying any of their bills on some routine shyt (not an emergency)
- giving rides to work/school or picking them up from work/school as a routine thing (not an emergency)
- letting them borrow your car
- babysitting any younger siblings are doing any major family favor
- living together


I didn't do any of the above shyt until I got married. I know some men and women who done did most if not all that shyt on the list and some of those relationships barely lasted 6 months. Then they all bitter and pissed because they gave their all plus some for something that didn't work out. That baggage then carries on to the next relationship and the cycle repeats itself.

Relationships should be fun, save all that extra work for marriage when you actually official and can really team up and do bigger and more important shyt to move ya'll forward.

Just my 2 cents tho.

Completely agree, people in relationships feel like the other person owns them something when they are going out there way to do things instead of just enjoying both companies. Marriage is for hardship you are right

I wouldn't go has far as rides, borrowing car, family relations but it all makes sense. Everyone I know that has attempted to intertwine all of that early always fail. When married you are obligated to do those roles.

Good luck with your marriage, wish you both well, through the good and bad

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

Completely agree, people in relationships feel like the other person owns them something when they are going out there way to do things instead of just enjoying both companies. Marriage is for hardship you are right

I wouldn't go has far as rides, borrowing car, family relations but it all makes sense. Everyone I know that has attempted to intertwine all of that early always fail. When married you are obligated to do those roles.

Good luck with your marriage, wish you both well, through the good and bad

Thanks breh. Much appreciated.

Exactly. My future wife understood that, just because I got my whip first, didn't mean that it was hers too or that I should be taking her to work and school etc... She knew that getting to her job or school was her responsibility and not mine. If we weren't together she would have to find a way to do that shyt anyway. She never acted funny or anything when I didn't offer to do all that simp shyt either.

Now don't get me wrong, marriage is fun too, but yeah all the real hard work in the relationship should start then. Anybody wanting or expecting that extra shyt before marriage will prolly grow to be demanding as fukk later on and will resent you if you can't deliver.

 

[MMA]

Thanks breh. Much appreciated.

Exactly. My future wife understood that, just because I got my whip first, didn't mean that it was hers too or that I should be taking her to work and school etc... She knew that getting to her job or school was her responsibility and not mine. If we weren't together she would have to find a way to do that shyt anyway. She never acted funny or anything when I didn't offer to do all that simp shyt either.

Now don't get me wrong, marriage is fun too, but yeah all the real hard work in the relationship should start then. Anybody wanting or expecting that extra shyt before marriage will prolly grow to be demanding as fukk later on and will resent you if you can't deliver.

That's what the standard use to be man, I hope to see people start appreciating relationships again for just that, a relationship
Too much I owe you, you owe me, obligation to take care of someone simply because you are seeing them creates dynamics ruins so much potential husbands/wives

Anymore feedback anyone else? @Samson @Catz @Iceson Beckford any opinions

 

[Iceson Beckford]

That's what the standard use to be man, I hope to see people start appreciating relationships again for just that, a relationship
Too much I owe you, you owe me, obligation to take care of someone simply because you are seeing them creates dynamics ruins so much potential husbands/wives

Anymore feedback anyone else? @Samson @Catz @Iceson Beckford any opinions

Dont know breh, dont have enough experience to really comment

 

[HarlemHottie]

Anal, babies, familial obligations, and money.

 

[MMA]

Anal, babies, familial obligations, and money.

We don't do that in Harlem

Family obligations like between each other's extended family?

 

[HarlemHottie]

We don't do that in Harlem

Family obligations like between each other's extended family?

It's always on somebody's bucket list.

Yeah. Don't do family-type stuff before you're actually 'family'. Sets a bad precedent.

 

[MMA]

It's always on somebody's bucket list.

Yeah. Don't do family-type stuff before you're actually 'family'. Sets a bad precedent.

We don't do that in harlem, must be someone from the West

 

[MindOverMatter]

Children, living together, anal (harlem hottie already touched on this lol), combining finances /joint bank accounts.