My dad is a complicated man. Took me a long time to make peace with him.
He is 100% self made damn near from birth. His parents were around but they were illiterate. He grew up in real poverty. His dad had multiple wives so he wasn't really in the picture. Never really gave him that structure. So my dad never really had any boundaries or learned how to manage his impulses or treat people. Thankfully though he was smart as shyt, so he grinded his way into medical school and got his ticket out of Ghana.
He had 2 daughters out of wedlock and then married my mom. Objectively, I would say overall he was not a good dad. He provided, and the one thing he put above all else was our education, which I am 110% thankful for. But aside from that, he was a real dikk to my mother, an alcoholic, and just not a very proactive or engaged parent. Seems like the only times he got involved was when it came to our education, or when it was time to meter out beatings. When I was 12 I think I broke a speaker or something, and while my mom was in Ghana he beat me until I had a bloody nose. That was the last time.
Again though now I don't blame him. He still doesn't know how a family is supposed to operate and he has no understanding or control over his emotions. We've had multiple blow outs since I moved out on my own, and we haven't talked in like 2 years. But I am going to see if he wants to fly out to our house and reconcile. We are going to start having kids and I don't want this silly shyt hanging over my kids.
He is a huge part of why I find all this #GMB/#HOH shyt so silly. Say what you want about women but ultimately a man's destiny is in his own hands. You don't want kids out of wedlock, don't. You don't want to get married, don't. But if you have a kid, that kid is your life. Do right by them 200%. Treat people right. Accept responsibility for your decisions. Not doing all of these things has set my pops back so many times I've lost count.