but why doesn't she take any responsibility in choosing to stay with a man who doesn't want to marry? why is she a victim? on one hand we always say women are equal to men, women can be assertive and rule their destiny. on the other hand they are helpless creatures who can't decide what's best for them. is it oochie wallie or is it one mic?
When a man findeth a wife he findeth a good thing
- Thread starter Trillion
- Start date
It means whatever you want it to mean.
If a man is going to spend his life shacked up with the baby mamma, give her the power of attorney and death benefits, why not marry?
A woman is not absolved of responsibility because she picked a #hardonmarriage brother...she more than likely will be the primary caretaker and financial provider for the child....
Many women have different reasons for choosing to stay with the father of her child.... one main one: hope
A woman IS NOT a helpless creature who can't decide what is best for them. A woman is a human being who has been programmed to place other people's needs/wants/desires before her own.
It's oochie one wallie.... It's both... hypocrisy and duality lies within all of us...
This right here? This right here is a whole nother topic... I don't believe in the fallacy of polyamorous relationships in 2014... There is no place in our current society for this mess... If you believe in that just make sure you are upfront with women from day 1 about your beliefs....
what if a man wants to give her some of his stuff after he passes but doesn't necessarely want to give her power of attorney or full death benefits? your whole argument is "well they might as well" knowing damn well there are a lot of legal implications when it comes to marriage.
if she wants to hope after the man was keeping real from the start, then she chose that "stigma". now it's society's fault for programing her to be selfless?
acknowledging our hypocrisy doesn't suddenly give us a free pass to stay hypocrites. the goal should be to reduce it as much as possible once we become aware of it. yes she will bare the responsibility of raising her children. but my point is she is responsible for choosing to stay with a man who would rather not be married in the eyes of the gov. just because she's not getting her way doesn't mean the man is imposing anything on her. she is free to leave but would rather stay. maybe she'd rather be married but maybe i'd rather have 3 women. ask any man if he'd rather their woman let them have a side chick and 90% would say yes. her not wanting to be in a relationship with 2 other women is not imposing or placing anything on me. she sets the terms in which she is comfortable and i either stay or leave. if i stay in the hope that she changes her mind, that's my fault and no one else's. why does "hope" and "society's programing" suddenly turn people into victims?
reps and daps back
.....majority of women don't look at marriage in the logical sense you are looking at it though,its ALL ABOUT THE WEDDING and symbolically locking a nikka down and him locking her down,stuntin on her single friends and living happily ever after
....but it seems like even from your point of view you see the wedding is just a disguise for something that is so "business
" which is very phony to me as somebody who looks at it from a logical perspective like yourself...so I think I reject the phoniness of it more than anything...if its about love let it be about love,if its about business then let it be about business
..frankly women haven't come out on the losing end of this "business agreement" enuff to where they have to think about that side of it,its all dresses,flowers and vows for them
...its kinda like rejecting your kids request for a puppy simply cuz you just KNOW they not even thinkin about the shyt,cleaning,feeding,walking that come with it,and they just want a puppy.....well shiet a puppy wit no azzhole who don't eat sounds kinda good to me toand I wanted kids young,and ill gladly vow to give my daughter a lifelong commitment cuz ill never stop loving her,if u cant do that I agree u shouldn't have kids either....but we gon pretend as good as my intentions may be that it works that way in a relationship with my bm,like she might not change as a person or I might change or we just get sick of each other?i guess men and women could wait til they 45 to have kids after we know ourselves better and sew our oats
....die before you get to see your kids have kids when they old as shyt too brehs
...but nah,i don't think I need to list the benefits of having kids before you get old as hell......theres benefits there just like with marriage....and maybe this is where tables turn and men start wanting the puppy with no azzhole who doesn't eat cuz we don't look to the business side but just want the joy of going raw
and having sons we can play basketball wit and kids who look like us we can teach shyt too
too bad men potentially take the bullet in both scenarios on the business side whether weeding or having a baby.........at least with one I got to have a lot of fun while I was doing it
....when women start taking bullets ALOT more I think better decisions will be made....women will be there to tell us 
and not be as quick to have a mans kids outta love maybe, once they gotta pay child support or not be able to see a kid when they want to...and men will still be there with the when women are trying to get married,and after the see more women forced to give up half or pay alimony maybe they'll look at it more from the logical side....its better decisions all around when women have consequences,bet they wont advocate for that though.
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MooseMouthMthafuga
Veteran
"Findeth" is the key word in that passage.
Just cause you marry a woman, that don't make her your wife.
It goes beyond a wedding ceremony.You have to find somebody that you can form a spirtual union with.When your mind, body, and soul is welded together & bonded as one.
That level of connectivity is rare.Especially in modern society.
It WOULD be a good thing
Just cause you marry a woman, that don't make her your wife.
It goes beyond a wedding ceremony.You have to find somebody that you can form a spirtual union with.When your mind, body, and soul is welded together & bonded as one.
That level of connectivity is rare.Especially in modern society.
It WOULD be a good thing
if she wants to hope after the man was keeping real from the start, then she chose that "stigma". now it's society's fault for programing her to be selfless?
but my point is she is responsible for choosing to stay with a man who would rather not be married in the eyes of the gov. she is free to leave but would rather stay. maybe she'd rather be married but maybe i'drather have 3 women.ask any man if he'd rather their woman let them have a side chick and 90% would say yes. her not wanting to be in a relationship with 2 other women is not imposing or placing anything on me. she sets the terms in which she is comfortable and i either stay or leave. if i stay in the hope that she changes her mind, that's my fault and no one else's. why does "hope" and "society's programing" suddenly turn people into victims?
1) stay: be a baby mamma with tangible hopes of being a wife...
2) leave: be a baby mamma
This is why many a woman stay... I am not saying this rationale is acceptable. I am giving answers to your why. The terminology victim doesn't bode well in this conversation...Does a woman have to be accountable for her actions of having a baby out of wedlock? Yes, she will rear the child and face social backlash for being a baby mamma...
A man's accountability in creating a child out of wedlock is child support and accepting that he is stigmatizing the woman. There is little to no social backlash for a man having a child out of wedlock. Gon' accept that L that you a creating for the woman.
that L is not created by me. she created it by choosing to have a baby with a man without securing a commitment first. again, why isn't she responsible for that L when it's a result of her choice?
Le sigh.... I have already stated that a woman is accountable for her decisions.... she will spend the rest of her life being responsible for being a baby mamma....Accept the man's part in the baby mamma drama... Traditionally men choose to propose to women... Make her a wife or nah... but at the end of the day you still played a large role in stigmatizing her...
If all of the boxes are checked.... comfortable shacking up (check), trust her to be a beneficiary (check) , you say you love her (check), plan on spending your life with only her (check), have children with only her (check), can communicate (check), and you don't put a ring on it?
...Nothing is ever perfect... But to not get married when everything you want in a relationship is there? Makes no sense to me...
but you still haven't answered my question though. why isn't she responsible for her unhappiness when it's a result of her choice?Le sigh.... I have already stated that a woman is accountable for her decisions.... she will spend the rest of her life being responsible for being a baby mamma....Accept the man's part in the baby mamma drama... Traditionally men choose to propose to women... Make her a wife or nah... but at the end of the day you still played a large role in stigmatizing her...
If all of the boxes are checked.... comfortable shacking up (check), trust her to be a beneficiary (check) , you say you love her (check), plan on spending your life with only her (check), have children with only her (check), can communicate (check), and you don't put a ring on it?
Nothing is ever perfect... But to not get married when everything you want in a relationship is there? Makes no sense to me...
as far as your questions, the boxes aren't all checked if he doesn't want to marry her. seems to me like all these boxes are based on what the chick wants. it makes no sense to you because you don't even try to see it from the dude's perspective who doesn't want to marry. your whole argument is "it comes up to the same thing". but how is that a good argument to convince someone to do something they don't feel like doing? if i have two options that "come up to the same thing", one of them i feel (A) and the other i don't feel like doing (B), why would i do B when they supposedly come up to the same thing anyway? if the woman wants B, telling me that it's the same is a bad argument when i'm already familiar and comfortable with A. Guilt-tripping me into doing B by telling me i'm "stigmatizing" is manipulative. how about she actually tries to logically convince me that B would increase my happiness?
We are going to have to agree to disagree... this is cyclical....
Your stance: I don't want to and you can't make me
My stance: If we are content playing married, why wouldn't we reap the benefits of actually being married....
You don't see marriage as a benefit to YOU, yourself, and you. I see marriage as a benefit to the man, the woman, and the union. Do your thing...I will continue to SMH....
i'm not pro or against marriage. my stance is that too many women try to convince guys marriage is for the best but all the arguments and benefits are about her. i don't mind the woman trying to look out for herself, that's what she's suppose to do. i just don't want her to insult my intelligence by telling me it's for my benefit as well as hers but then all the things she names is about her
. or using shaming tactics and guilt trips. i try to be about logic and realness. if a chick came up to me and gave me reasons to marry her (reasons i actually care about), i would 
. but too many women aren't even trying to figure out what we need to be happy. they just take what they want and project on their man. he should need the same things to be happy. but then you talk about selflessness 
.but whatever like you said, agree/disagree.
ThatTruth777
Superstar
marriage is about love, sharing one another and other soft sentimental shyt 
#SOH
#SOH
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided."
Bible is actually against marriage, that is for those of you who can live the celibate life.
Bible is actually against marriage, that is for those of you who can live the celibate life.