I cried at my uncles funeral a month ago, not only that but a month before we buried his wife as well, man fukk cancer


I think it might help to figure out what your emotions mean. You can't ignore yourself forever. Eventually you'll have to confront the meanings behind your emotions. Why certain things trigger an emotional response in you. Emotions are important, I think, because it is our body's way of communicating with us in an attempt to heal. You wouldn't ignore a cut on your finger that was gushing blood, and write it off as nothing more than discomfort. No. You would take the necessary steps to insure that it healed properly. Its the same with your emotions. You have to try and live through what you are feeling so that you can come out on the other side of it a more defined version of yourself with a gained perspective that allows a closer connection to who you really are. To ignore your emotions is to be ignorant of your true, authentic self. At least that's how I see it.Emotions serve very little functional purpose for me other than discomfort.
If you don’t mind me asking, is your mother still living?On my birthday.
I usually don't care much about my birthday, I always downplay it, make it about my kids.
This year I was just feeling kind of aggitated and couldn't really hide it so I just kinda went off to myself for a while to meditate. While I was in that space a question came up that asked what would make me happy on my birthday? I'm grown so nothing really came to mind. So I go what would have made me happy as a kid?
What kinda toys did I like? What kinda party would I have wanted? It's hard to remember because I'm so disconnected from my childhood due to some of the things I experienced. But it dawned on me after a while that there wasn't any toy that could have made me happy. What I really wanted when I was a kid was my mother.
Also realized that I have spent most of my birthdays actively avoiding thinking about the person that actually gave birth to me. All of that coming together in that moment let loose a powerful, healing burst of emotion.


Wife walking down the aisle a couple years ago


If you don’t mind me asking, is your mother still living?