Why do people say, "if a woman isn't married, she can do whatever she wants"?

[MeachTheMonster]

so those first 6 years you knew your wife before you got married you didn't consider your relationship to be at the point of committed faithfulness?

In highschool yes. But college taught us we were playing ourselves. In fact if we had kept that mentality through college we wouldn't be together today. Too many set ups for hurt feelings and disappointment. Once we realized that until a commitment was made, we were just fukkin. We were able to grow as a couple as well as individually. We were able to stay friends and speak to each other openly, cause we were not complicating things with arbitrary titles and expectations. We both finished school and came together as best friends and lovers.

 

[-G$-]

In highschool yes. But college taught us we were playing ourselves. In fact if we had kept that mentality through college we wouldn't be together today. Too many set ups for hurt feelings and disappointment. Once we realized that until a commitment was made, we were just fukkin. We were able to grow as a couple as well as individually. We were able to stay friends and speak to each other openly, cause we were not complicating things with arbitrary titles and expectations. We both finished school and came together as best friends and lovers.

i mean, i'm glad it worked for you and all. but your situation is definitely more unique than the norm. i'd agree that high school and college is a tough age to make a serious commitment but i didn't meet my wife til i was 26 and if we didn't make a serious commitment to each other as bf/gf through the first year we never would have ended up getting married .

 

[MeachTheMonster]

i mean, i'm glad it worked for you and all. but your situation is definitely more unique than the norm. i'd agree that high school and college is a tough age to make a serious commitment but i didn't meet my wife til i was 26 and if we didn't make a serious commitment to each other as bf/gf through the first year we never would have ended up getting married .

You said you got engaged in less than a year. In the time between meeting her and asking her to marry you, you were just feeling her out and deciding if she could be the one. If during that time you expected her to act as your wife and she expected you to act like a husband, then you would have been setting yourself up for hurt feelings and failure. Until that commitment is made neither of you could/should fully give your life to the other person.

 

[-G$-]

You said you got engaged in less than a year. In the time between meeting her and asking her to marry you, you were just feeling her out and deciding if she could be the one. If during that time you expected her to act as your wife and she expected you to act like a husband, then you would have been setting yourself up for hurt feelings and failure. Until that commitment is made neither of you could/should fully give your life to the other person.

yes but there was still a commitment made after the first month or so. not on the level of "lifetime" and "marriage," but a commitment nonetheless. then the commitment progresses to marriage.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

yes but there was still a commitment made after the first month or so. not on the level of "lifetime" and "marriage," but a commitment nonetheless. then the commitment progresses to marriage.

You were commited to figuring out if you wanted to commit to her or not, which is fine but its also where people get hurt. Your idea of that commitment could have been totaly different from hers. Until you make it to the point of making a real commitment(marriage) your relationship is totaly subjective.

 

[-G$-]

You were commited to figuring out if you wanted to commit to her or not, which is fine but its also where people get hurt. Your idea of that commitment could have been totaly different from hers. Until you make it to the point of making a real commitment(marriage) your relationship is totaly subjective.

our ideas of what constitutes a commitment were discussed before we made one to be in a committed relationship. if we weren't on the same page then there wouldn't have been a commitment.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

our ideas of what constitutes a commitment were discussed before we made one to be in a committed relationship. if we weren't on the same page then there wouldn't have been a commitment.

And all of that was subject to change until you proposed. It's easy to "say" your on the same page but until you actualy "do" it, it's all talk.

 

[-G$-]

And all of that was subject to change until you proposed. It's easy to "say" your on the same page but until you actualy "do" it, it's all talk.

all that could easily change during engagement or even in marriage as well. the marriage makes things official from a legal and financial standpoint but my wife and i wouldn't have been able to even get to that point if we didn't both take the notion of commitment seriously. i guess we'll just agree to disagree.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

all that could easily change during engagement or even in marriage as well. the marriage makes things official from a legal and financial standpoint but my wife and i wouldn't have been able to even get to that point if we didn't both take the notion of commitment seriously. i guess we'll just agree to disagree.

Well that was the point of the thread. In my opinion before the marriage those types of changes aren't morally wrong. Both people are single and havn't made a real commitment yet. After the marriage the two become one, and changes shouldn't be made without the consideration of your partner. Before marriage it's a difference of opinion, after marriage it is betrayal.

 

[CrimsonTider]

Well that was the point of the thread. In my opinion before the marriage those types of changes aren't morally wrong. Both people are single and havn't made a real commitment yet. After the marriage the two become one, and changes shouldn't be made without the consideration of your partner. Before marriage it's a difference of opinion, after marriage it is betrayal.

WRONG!!!!

 

[SouthernBelle]

It's easy to say take it or leave it, but when you've been with someone for years it becomes a lot more difficult. I don't care too much about money invested, but time invested is simply something you cannot get back.

Here's my opinion on that. People invest a lot of time in relationships that they should have never pursued in the first place. People ignore red flags, warning signs, and compatibility issues early on thinking that people will change. There is/was a guy that physically was the perfect man for me. He was cool. We had a good time together; however, he was constantly around women. All of his best/good friends are women, and I am certain he probably has or had sex with many of them. I knew from the very beginning that we would be better off as good friends because we just wouldn't match and I am not in the business of trying to change people.

Another example, someone was actually my boyfriend. We dated off and on for a year and then committed to each other for another year. He has many great qualities and if I could change a few things about him, then he would be great. However, I am not in the business of changing people. There is someone who will except him for who and how he is and there is someone out there that I won't feel the need to change. Yes, it was hard, but I let it go because I'm wasn't going to invest anymore time and stay just because of the time I had already wasted. I would be engaged right now to him if I wanted to, but why would I continue to waste time?

You can't stay stuck just because already wasted time.

If my girl asked me to stop doing something that could jeopardize our relationship I'd do it. I don't think it's about being someones mother or father, it's about having atleast a little bit of respect for the person you supposedly love, a tree that doesn't bend will always break

That is my point (you pretty much said what I said). There is a HUGE difference between ASKING and TELLING/COMMANDING. If you don't see the difference that we can agree to disagree; however, I not going to tell a grown person what to do and they aren't going to tell me what to do either. We can communicate our wishes and concerns (like mature adults do) and the other person can respect them or not. If they don't respect them, then leave because they don't respect you or the relationship. I never said that I would be uncompromising; however, NO ONE is going to control me like a child.

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

@ocmfII

Your wife pawg no any self respecting pawgs who might be interested in a safe high yellow negro like me?

 

[-G$-]

@ocmfII

Your wife pawg no any self respecting pawgs who might be interested in a safe high yellow negro like me?

The pawgs at my gym breh

 

[MeachTheMonster]

WRONG!!!!

wrong what?

 

[SouthernBelle]

No, I'm not a control freak. Far from it.

I just dont see any point in dating soemone if you have no real intentions of being faithful.

And if you're gonna cheat, then why do it in secret? Why hide it?
What's to be ashamed of?



Unfaithful, dishonest, cheater, etc....these are all negative traits. Since when did we begin openly embracing negative traits?

The first line of my post clearly said that I'm not referring to cheating.