Why do we blame single mothers for their situation?

[The Devil's Advocate]

the obvious reason is because a majority of time those kids were unplanned and unwanted and the latter is (usually) made clear by the father when he is made aware of the pregnancy
her body her choice is fine but that shyt come with consequences

So just murder babies cause dad a piece of shyt. And if they don’t, blame them but not the piece of shyt dad?

 

[OVER]

Personally, I'm against myself getting married but I'd marry any woman who was carrying my child and do my best to make it work.

 

[Piff Perkins]

Every church and Black organization has been trying to address these out of wedlock issues, including the Morehouse Institute. The 70 percent out of wedlock birthrate in our community has helped destroy our
married, two-parent family structure.

Turning the corner on father absence in Black America. | Fatherhood.gov


TURNING THE CORNER ON FATHER ABSENCE IN BLACK AMERICA.

This project largely stems from conversations that began in 1996 and 1997 involving ObieClayton of the Morehouse Research Institute, Ron Mincy of the Ford Foundation, David Blankenhorn of the Institute for American Values, and others.From these discussions, three questions emerged. First, what are the best ways to supportthe growing fatherhood movement in the African American community - a movement thatis relatively ignored by the national media, but which is transforming the lives of many young, poorly educated fathers? Second, is it time for the nation's prominent African American scholars and leading experts on the African American family to come together to assist this movement? And finally, is it possible for this movement to make common cause- intellectually, morally, and organizationally - with a broad spectrum of other fatherhood and civic leaders?The result of these deliberations was the Morehouse Conference on African American Fathers, held at Morehouse College in Atlanta on November 4 - 6, 1998. This 'statement' continues the conversation about how best to respond to the challenge of fatherabsence in the African American community.

This is not a black woman problem, or even a black man problem. It's a black problem. You cannot have a successful race or culture with these types of numbers continuing year after year. It's a proven fact that marriage can increase your economic security. All these people out here barely making 30-35k a year...what does that look like if you're married? And then you have kids and get that child tax credit? You're in position to build credit, suddenly. At which point maybe one parent moves to a part time job so he/she can go back to school and finish a degree that will pull you even further up the ladder.

This is literally what white people have been doing for decades. Yea I understand they also get loans from their family, but even without that...it's a clear blueprint to better things. Yet we're so stuck in this endless loop of consequence free behavior (unprotected sex, choosing bad partners, etc) and the allure of a few Medicaid dollars that we pass up building wealth? What is the mentality behind this, I need to know.

 

[Coolin']

Because, usually, single mothers don’t have just one kid. I say that meaning, they should’ve had ample time to see how a guy is. If a woman has multiple kids with a known loser then that’s on her. Hell, even having just one kid…a woman should know how the dude is.

 

[Coolin']

When I was 25, I was gettin serious with this 23 yr old with 4 kids by 4 different baby daddies. She got pregnant and I thought it was mine, but she told me to meet her at outback steakhouse and when I got there, we ate and when we were just about finished, she told me the baby isnt mine, it belongs to the father of her 2nd child and he is gonna be in the delivery room. Then she told me she really wants to be with me. I told her I needed some time to make my decision

No judgement but I’m assuming you didn’t go back? 4 kids by 4 different fathers is a lot in itself…

 

[Contrefaire]

start paternity testing children at birth, then you can hold men accountable.

I'm all for this tbh. Paternity testing in tempore nativitatis is the only way to go moving forward imo.

Automatic paternity testing at the time of birth would likely discourage unscrupulous women from carrying children with questionable paternity to term while also - potentially - making men more likely to use protection/contraceptives more diligently.

I'm willing to bet a lot of that "she should've chose better" rhetoric would go out the window then...

 

[AAKing23]

nikkas talking about hold the men accountable


The government already does that by taking your wages or sending you to prison

 

[Thegospel]

The dudes are at fault for being bad leaders. Only weak males blame women but thats the thing to do in 2021.

 

[Contrefaire]

Some women just do it for the welfare

Since when??? 1993? I mean even setting aside the fact the black welfare queen bullshyt is a Reagan era myth and stereotype, who and WHERE are all these women pumping out kids for a welfare check in 2021?

 

[King Poetic]

Depends on the situation of each individual

a single mother who went through a divorce or loss her husband to death I understand

but more often than not in our community single moms usually pick the worst of the worst nikkas to open they legs to, because they feel that dude perceived to be something they really not after the fact (baller)

 

[number21]

Goofballs in here blaming women or even saying there's equal share of blame to go around. Playing this blame game is one of the things that keeps on continuing the falsehood that men and women are equal.

Trying to play this narrative that it's all about the Queen Bee woman's choices and the man is just a confused drone bee that ain't got a choice in this process. Foh nikka. Do and be better.

We men carry the seed and have the duty to be leaders and deal with the issues within the community. Trying to pass off blame for our lack of control and inability of knowing which woman is worth your seed makes the black man look simple and weak as hell.


Which proves you cats really don't want a change in the community. Just want to run your mouths and be heard like females.

 

[Mr swag]

Aren’t the men at fault for not staying to build a family? Why so much anger and vitryall towards women doing their best to raise kids alone.

here body HER choice

 

[number21]

nikkas talking about hold the men accountable


The government already does that by taking your wages or sending you to prison

Smh. Like I said, you cats don't want any real change.

It is what it is.

 

[Mowgli]

It's always going to fall on the man because we are the stronger vessel. If you knew better ud choose better.

Don't give a damn about scripture, defer to the woman for leadership in the home and believe alternative relationship dynamics work in the face of a woman who learns everything about relationships from tv and her mother.

 

[Wear My Dawg's Hat]

This is not a black woman problem, or even a black man problem. It's a black problem. You cannot have a successful race or culture with these types of numbers continuing year after year. It's a proven fact that marriage can increase your economic security. All these people out here barely making 30-35k a year...what does that look like if you're married? And then you have kids and get that child tax credit? You're in position to build credit, suddenly. At which point maybe one parent moves to a part time job so he/she can go back to school and finish a degree that will pull you even further up the ladder.

This is literally what white people have been doing for decades. Yea I understand they also get loans from their family, but even without that...it's a clear blueprint to better things. Yet we're so stuck in this endless loop of consequence free behavior (unprotected sex, choosing bad partners, etc) and the allure of a few Medicaid dollars that we pass up building wealth? What is the mentality behind this, I need to know.

It is a black problem that we've transitioned structurally to a single-mother driven matriarchy, and have rejected the married, mother and father
living arrangement for our children.

Our communities were more stable and productive when we had majority married, mother/wife - father/husband headed families.

Random sexual pursuit has tragically become more important to too many folks more than marriage/family/community cohesion.

Marriage is the only institution that offers balanced, enforced roles for the biological parents of children.

Our children are the only ones in this nation who, as a majority, live with a single mother or single grand mother or aunt. That is a tremendous household structural deficit for our children and community to overcome, and one that DID NOT exist at this level for our people prior to the 1960s.