Why don't guys want to date me?
- Thread starter Jabadahut
- Start date
Formerly Black Trash
Philosopher, Connoisseur, Future Legend
Damn was i sleep?
lol man...if you were a dude you would probably off yourself considering the shyt we deal with. this is lightI know this post will sound whiney and over dramatic but I just want to hear a guys insight on this. I have an older brother who I could probably talk to about this but he's overprotective and I'm sure he doesn't want to hear me complain about this stuff. Anyway, I'm 20, female and in the Army. I've been in about two years. I have a problem with over thinking. One of things I think about a lot is why I haven't had dating experience or had a guy even want to date me. Yes I know I should approach too, but from my observations I had two guys approach me but they were drunk. One was a weird sergeant (long story about him) who tried hitting on all the females and another was a guy friend who told me how he felt. He also said that I'm "wifey " material when sober. Yet when I eventually
grew closer to him and I returned those feelings, he said that he doesn't want to ruin the friendship or make things awkward at work. He also said he would probably screw it up because he is trying to get back with his ex who is married to a woman. It did make me feel some type of way but I told him I understand since I didn't return my feelings that night drunkenly told me. I just wanted to get to know him more because he was new to the unit... After that we still talked and hung out but now he acts distant and weird. So some days he'll joke around with me and another day he acts cold. He said me rejecting him the first time wasn't the issue . He said it's him. I still don't get it though.
I guess I went a little off topic. I mentioned that friend because it is bothering me about how he is acting toward me and I still have feelings for him. He's the only guy I've had strong feelings for... probably because he's the only guy who approached me directly and told me he likes me. What I don't understand is why some guys will say so much good things to a girl but not date her. What's the purpose of that?
Another thing I notice is that guys choose my friends over me. I don't think I'm ugly personally and strangers tell me I'm beautiful. I'm certainly not a dime or a 10 though. Personality... hard to describe to people who don't know me but I am approachable and introverted. The reason why I say I'm approachable is that I attract male and female friends. They all said that I seemed like a chill person and was friendly. I'm not trying to make myself sound perfect because I'm not. I can be very sensitive and jump to conclusions. I can also be too defensive when someone wants to debate with me. I enjoy learning languages, game of thrones fan, harry potter fan, going to school for political science, and I love to travel. Do you guys think me being kind of a nerd has a lot to do with why I've been single my whole life and me not having a curvy body (slim thick)? Most of my friends are and they can have any guy they want. It's not even just their bodies that attract men... I can't pinpoint what else it is but if a thing for one guy doesn't work out, they have others waiting in line. And I'm over here like I can't even get the guy i like to date me and I'm a loner over here lol.
Guys, I can't remember how I discovered this website but I would like input. I can take criticism and if some of you find this post ridiculous, I don't mind. I'm just saying how I feel. Also, if what I said above doesn't make sense, just ask me and I'll elaborate more.
are you attractive or ugly?
are you confident?
those are two very important thngs
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2012
- Messages
- 42,422
- Reputation
- 3,702
- Daps
- 152,137
- Reppin
- black love, unity, and music
It sounds like you're the ugly girl with a shyt body but a cute face. Lose weight and eat better, and you might have a shot at baging a decent dude.
You're in Florida? Where you at let me come breathe on you 
UpAndComing
Veteran
I stopped after reading, "I'm 20"
Experience life brehette
Experience life brehette
Two men approach her and only two her whole life. And this stupid c*nt never even thinks of approaching herself.
Flywin Lannister
Superstar
Some things stand outI know this post will sound whiney and over dramatic but I just want to hear a guys insight on this. I have an older brother who I could probably talk to about this but he's overprotective and I'm sure he doesn't want to hear me complain about this stuff. Anyway, I'm 20, female and in the Army. I've been in about two years. I have a problem with over thinking. One of things I think about a lot is why I haven't had dating experience or had a guy even want to date me. Yes I know I should approach too, but from my observations I had two guys approach me but they were drunk. One was a weird sergeant (long story about him) who tried hitting on all the females and another was a guy friend who told me how he felt. He also said that I'm "wifey " material when sober. Yet when I eventually
grew closer to him and I returned those feelings, he said that he doesn't want to ruin the friendship or make things awkward at work. He also said he would probably screw it up because he is trying to get back with his ex who is married to a woman. It did make me feel some type of way but I told him I understand since I didn't return my feelings that night drunkenly told me. I just wanted to get to know him more because he was new to the unit... After that we still talked and hung out but now he acts distant and weird. So some days he'll joke around with me and another day he acts cold. He said me rejecting him the first time wasn't the issue . He said it's him. I still don't get it though.
I guess I went a little off topic. I mentioned that friend because it is bothering me about how he is acting toward me and I still have feelings for him. He's the only guy I've had strong feelings for... probably because he's the only guy who approached me directly and told me he likes me. What I don't understand is why some guys will say so much good things to a girl but not date her. What's the purpose of that?
Another thing I notice is that guys choose my friends over me. I don't think I'm ugly personally and strangers tell me I'm beautiful. I'm certainly not a dime or a 10 though. Personality... hard to describe to people who don't know me but I am approachable and introverted. The reason why I say I'm approachable is that I attract male and female friends. They all said that I seemed like a chill person and was friendly. I'm not trying to make myself sound perfect because I'm not. I can be very sensitive and jump to conclusions. I can also be too defensive when someone wants to debate with me. I enjoy learning languages, game of thrones fan, harry potter fan, going to school for political science, and I love to travel. Do you guys think me being kind of a nerd has a lot to do with why I've been single my whole life and me not having a curvy body (slim thick)? Most of my friends are and they can have any guy they want. It's not even just their bodies that attract men... I can't pinpoint what else it is but if a thing for one guy doesn't work out, they have others waiting in line. And I'm over here like I can't even get the guy i like to date me and I'm a loner over here lol.
Guys, I can't remember how I discovered this website but I would like input. I can take criticism and if some of you find this post ridiculous, I don't mind. I'm just saying how I feel. Also, if what I said above doesn't make sense, just ask me and I'll elaborate more.
1) No picture, no avi = you're very insecure (or you simply want to stay anonymous which is totally fine)
2) I highlighted some things you said. Knowing yourself is key if you plan on smiling in this weird and often shytty thing called life. The things I highlighted are kind of clues to the issue, things to ponder.
E.g. why does it bother you that someone who is into someone else and who you never dated is being chubby chubby with you? He is sticking to the game plan, you're not. You're also not listening. Whens someone speaks, you should listen. When people say it's them, then it's usually them. Not all relationships are meant to last and this wasn't one to begin with.
You say you're approachable AND introverted. Think about the contradiction there. You may think you're super approachable, but I don't know many approachable introverts honestly. If you look at what I highlighted after: you are very sensitive (we noticed) and you jump to conclusions (we noticed) and you say you can be too defensive (so aggressive) in debates.. this mix makes you a: introverted over sensitive conclusion jumping aggressive debater.. Spoiler alert: that's not hot to anybody. That's not to shame you, many people are like this, but it's not something most people will like.
Next highlight: you remind me of myself a bit a few years ago how you group all guys to want 1 thing. All guys dislike nerds and want women who do not look like me. This is a very, very, very dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. This thought alone fukks up many things. Yes, there are guys who LOVE nerdy girls (I like and many guys I know like nerdy girls who love video games and geeky stuff, that's no red flag for me at all). About your body: your body is your body. You can shape it to be more how you want by working out, but you should do that for you. That said: walk around a bit. See how many girls who do not fit the 'curvy body' walk around with a guy.
News flash: people are different and have different preferences. So if the question is: are there guys who like a nerdy girl with my body type: 100.000% yes there are way more than you think. Obviously your attitude (introvert debater) and your belief system (guys only want non-nerdy curvy girls) auto-makes sure you will not meet them.
It's called the law of attraction. To some this is a vague Oprah thing. To others it's just a simple rule: you get what you focus on. Focus on negative: you get it. Focus on positive things: you get more of that. You're an over thinker, who talks down her own self-esteem and concludes that ALL guys want non-nerdy curvy girls. What do you think that does for your chances of meeting nice people who'd be really into you? Kills them
The cliches are repeated for a reason: they are true. You don't love yourself, why would someone else?
I think you're super brave for asking this publicly and I hope you find your way. You are not alone, many people on here would love to give you advice. I'm sure you could DM any of us and they wouldn't be rude.
Sending you love and positive vibes - don't let yourself be your worst enemy.. be your best friend.
StickStickly
Superstar
Are you able to have conversation without getting into "debate mode"? Are you able to just chill in convo and "shoot the shyt"? Do you find something to debate about in every little thing? Do you see yourself as more cynical? Does your conversation revolve around what you don't like about something or what could change or what you like better (i.e. You go out to dinner and you don't like the food)? Do you make critical or disparaging remarks about your appearance or your personality in front of others, even as a joke? If you are constantly debating it can be a turn off because it's a downer for people. It translates to : unhappy, unstable, angry and aggressive which men don't want in a partner.
Not at all. I think that might be overweight for that height.
StickStickly
Superstar
If you have a pretty face but not a 10 body, you're ugly? Or do you mean pretty fat girls because Op posted her pic and she's actually pretty skinny. She doesn't need to lose anything
StickStickly
Superstar
So maybe the pic she posted isn't her? I think it's around page 14 post 199
It might be the angles but she looks diff than what she described. Could be my perception of her description.
also
Height and Weight Chart - height weight chart, weight height chart
StickStickly
Superstar
She does look skinnier and maybe an introverted triangle shape. Her body looks pretty to me