Because the dude she's usually going to the ends of the earth for is the one who most closely replicates the parental attachments, ie chaos, "toxic", distant ect.
Avoidants crave closeness but also run from it. When you were raised in chaos peace and genuine connection feels like a foreign invasion.
People are often into/attracted to things and people that stimulate their fear, thinking "sparks" and intensity are the signs of a possible fulfilling relationship when it's really just a dysregulated nervous system seeking familiarity. Sometimes it's not a matter of them not being into you particularly, just that the fear and familiarity is what people gravitate toward until they become aware of the patterns.
If you find yourself going through one of these loops on either end, it's not about you or your value. Some people are just at war with themselves internally and the only way to get around it is nervous system regulation/co-regulation.
he's not cooked like you. You got other shyt to worry about besides getting bytches like stopping drugs and alcohol, learning to love yourself and stop worrying about being awkward. Because you are also being a p*ssy taking the easy way out to numb your feelings via drugs and alcohol rather than sitting through that discomfort and creating a gameplan to defeat those negative feelings and emotions directly
. we got a lil good community over there with thought out takes and conjectures.... last thing I want to see is a deluge of incel-ish woe-is-me type diatribes..... we get enough of those in single threads.... 
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