Brehs, I would love your advice. pls help. PLEASE (story inside)

[eternalpangs]

Okay, this is a bit of a long story. I've asked some of my friends about it, but I'm really young (lower 20s) and people my age dont usually go through ridiculous stuff like this.

Its a two pronged story and I dont necessarily know what to do. PLEASE HELP ME.

Quick background : I'm a super senior (now) in college. My family is nigerian, so yeah, they're crazy. My mom has cancer (breast, lung, & brain tumors), and also a medical history (strokes, heart attacks) so I really try not to stress her out. I'm a full scholarship honors student with a 3.5 .

Its 2013 - Im going to an HBCU and at this point (i think 2 - 3 years ago), I was a bio major on the premed track (sophomore). By this time, I had a feeling that this is NOT something I could possibly do for the rest of my life. I didn't nessessarily hate medicine, but I hated hospitals.

If you know nigerian parents, you would know that you practically only have 4 choices for a career . So I try to tell my family that I want to change my major, but they are NOT having it. If I even tried to bring up the subject they would cut me off and argue me down. I hated talking to them about this (and pretty much anything).

In the middle of the fall semester, my mother called me and asked me about my "future plans" (med school, etc). Once again I told her that I wasn't sure about med school, and sure enough, we got into an arguement. She hung up on ME. I was perfectly okay with this, and went back to doing my work.

The next day, however, My uncle calls me and totally argues me down to a point where I'm in tears. I told him i wanted to change my major to Agricultre or plant biology. He disregards me and argues w me. At this point, I'm so upset that I hang up on HIM. I've never felt more disrespected by my family as a whole. I dont go home thanksgiving weekend (or I only go for a day or so, can't remember).

But come christmas, long story short my uncle comes to the house, opens my room door and beats my ass to a point where I piss myself (after church, mind you.). My stepdad stopped him, but we both came out with bruises (and me with a wet christmas dress). I still work myself to change, go downstairs, and open presents. My whole family forces me to apologize to my uncle before we do anything. I dont even think he apologized to ME.

To add insult to injury (LITERALLY ), my mom hands me a new pair of shoes and states that "I'd rather have you be a model, because you'll make more money that you ever will working in agriculture."


.....continued.....

 

[eternalpangs]

Different story, but they connect:

The following summer, I had the wonderful opportunity to get an internship on the west coast. They gave me 5.5k payment (for 3 months), plus room, board, and food,and travel included (I had a beautiful cabin on the hillside, that I loved). I had a wonderful time, but They paid me on a prepaid card instead of sending checks. I was in the rocky mountains and I didn't know how reliable the mail system was. So I had the prepaid card sent to my house (on the easy coast) and I just asked my dad to transfer 1 grand so I can last for the summer (I didn't need much to survive anyway).

I come back home 3 months later to a card with $500. My dad said he "needed to pay the mortgage" and that he would pay me back. I was heated but their wasn't shyt I could do about it - my mother married this man and I have to respect him. In addition, hes the one really taking care of my mom right now, but I think my mom hates him. Very dysfunctional relationship - but my mother doesnt believe in divorce.

I also promised my dad that I wouldnt tell anyone that he took the money. and I was broke that whole semester.
---------------

These two reasons (stories) are why I don't go home often, and why I dont even bother calling my house at times.

Fast forward to today (or the last three months, per say). My aunts are british nigerian (living in england rn) and they both HATE my stepfather. In fact, my stepfather literally ceased contact with them and neither my mom or my dad will answer their calls.

Now my aunt (lets call her aunt G) is trying to see whats up on my end - and she wants to find out whats going on.

Coli brehs, this is where I need your advice. What should I do?

My aunts in britian are very well off and are trying to come see their sister (my mom). However, I haven't told them ANYTHING that has happened within the past few years.
If I tell them what the men in my family did to me, they will FLIP.

However, thats not what I want. If they figure out that my stepdad took money from me, he will never hear the end of it, and my leave my mother and 2 children. I just dont want anymore friction than their already is.

I'm just trying to graduate and find my way, but I feel like after they beat my ass., I dont even care about going home anymore. I'm fine where I am.

So, final question is, should I tell my aunts what happened to me?

 

[ThiefyPoo]

That's fukked up

African way of life I remember they use to even look down on lawyers .


When my cousin went to law school instead to med school it was a huge issue

Man if you aren't a Dr , nurse or engineer most African parents don't wanna hear it .



Edit*


I would tell them what's going on but mAybe don't drop the trump card if him stealing from you .


Or see where the covo is going then maybe you can tell her like you're confiding in her .

 

[Turbulent]

If you were my daughter and I'm paying for your school or cosigned for loans, fukk yeah i would feel disrespected.

If not, you might need to cut them off

 

[lowkey0z]

as a fellow african breh i can relate (somewhat)

my parents tried to drill that medical bullshyt in my head since highschool, went to college, and said i'm fukkin' with computers surprisingly they didn't with fight me on this

but fukk all that, who's this dikkhead uncle of yours that nikka's overdue for an assbeating..

as for your aunts, after you graduate i'd just try to negotiate trying to visit for a long period of time, cut off your step dad, and keep in contact with your mom

 

[eternalpangs]

If you were my daughter and I'm paying for your school or cosigned for loans, fukk yeah i would feel disrespected.

If not, you might need to cut them off

Quick background : I'm a super senior (now) in college. My family is nigerian, so yeah, they're crazy. My mom has cancer (breast, lung, & brain tumors), and also a medical history (strokes, heart attacks) so I really try not to stress her out. I'm a full scholarship honors student with a 3.5 .

read , breh

 

[eternalpangs]

That's fukked up

African way of life I remember they use to even look down on lawyers .


When my cousin went to law school instead to med school it was a huge issue

Man if you aren't a Dr , nurse or engineer most African parents don't wanna hear it .



Edit*


I would tell them what's going on but mAybe don't drop the trump card if him stealing from you .


Or see where the covo is going then maybe you can tell her like you're confiding in her .

tbh I just want my money b
My bank account looking real empty rn, I have no job and this incosiderate fukk owes me 4 grand. I didn't even tell my mom he took it till last year, she FLIPPED

 

[mbewane]

fukked up situation all around. I understand not wanting to add to the friction, but whatever other friction is there is not your fault so from your point of view I don't see why you should shoulder the burden and basically cover up for the stepdad. Easier said than done, I know. But the thing is that you seem to have these things bottled up and it might fukk you mentally in the long term, especially the part of not doing what you really want to do. The money part is fukked up, but money can be made in other ways. Time spent doing something you don't really want to do can't.

What's you relationship with those aunts in Britain? Maybe a change of scenery could help in this situation.

 

[CarbonBraddock]

Your uncle physically assaulted you like that and you are asking for advice on a message board. Water rises to its own level.

 

[Neo TheInsurrectionistONE]

You might not believe me.... but there's a lot of black children in America that need what your family did for you.

I mean, it's harsh, kinda terrible but look at you: you have both the drive and acumen to succeed in life.

You literally could go to med school of you really wanted to.

I can't tell you how many American black ppl that I know that want to go to med school and can't pass the test or even fail the classes. They really want to do it bit they just don't have the drive they need to succeed

So while your parents may be harsh and you may have a tough family, you are mentally able to do anything that you put your mind to, because a certain discipline and drive has been instilled in you at a young age.

It reminds me of how black families used to be back in the day. Look at Michael Jackson for instance: his dad would beat the hell out of him and his brothers, and he was a strict disciplinarian.

But what he did instilled in his son the drive to succeed and the sheer will to be the best

It might not seem like it, but you have a lot to be thankful for.

 

[eternalpangs]

fukked up situation all around. I understand not wanting to add to the friction, but whatever other friction is there is not your fault so from your point of view I don't see why you should shoulder the burden and basically cover up for the stepdad. Easier said than done, I know. But the thing is that you seem to have these things bottled up and it might fukk you mentally in the long term, especially the part of not doing what you really want to do. The money part is fukked up, but money can be made in other ways. Time spent doing something you don't really want to do can't.

What's you relationship with those aunts in Britain? Maybe a change of scenery could help in this situation.

to be compeltely honest im fine were i am - i go to school about 3 hrsaway. everything is covered but 1k in loans that my school screwed up processing. but im mad hungry and its starting to get to me. My job doesnt start paying for the next month or so.

and i cant go to england because im in school rn. They love me and theyve been asking me to come. lol

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

fukk your psychotic family. Tell your aunts everything and ask them for support. You're still growing up and you need people around you who will support you.

You've worked so hard and you're still so very young. You have to live your life. Study what you want. You worked your ass off to get into college. That was all you. Nobody else.

They let a grown man beat you up. You should run him over with a car or hit him with a bat if you don't snitch on him.

Your step dad seems like a bum ass nikka. Stealing your hard earned money is a punk move. You're not costing him any money. He has no right to take your money. You're also a fukking adult, so you don't have to tell them anything.

You gotta accept your mom is going to die. You don't owe her anything. You won't be the cause of her death. If she wants to be a part of your life she's gotta be supportive and not allow you to be abused, taken advantage of, and embarrassed.

 

[An ashy lil fap hand]

Stopped reading at 3.5 gpa. Get better grades.

 

[Anno Domini]

Where do I even begin

First, instead of going to med school, you want to go into fukking agriculture????

nikka what's wrong with you? You're on your 5th year of college and are trying to switch your major NOW? To do something you don't even know you want to do? There's no guarantee that you won't fall out of love with agriculture either.

Also how the hell you going to let your uncle literally beat the piss out of you and let your step dad rob you (of money that technically wasn't even your) and say some "I have to respect him".

Sorry OP, no offense but you just come off as dumb AND a bytch.

 

[eternalpangs]

Where do I even begin

First, instead of going to med school, you want to go into fukking agriculture????

nikka what's wrong with you? You're on your 5th year of college and are trying to switch your major NOW? To do something you don't even know you want to do? There's no guarantee that you won't fall out of love with agriculture either.

Also how the hell you going to let your uncle literally beat the piss out of you and let your step dad rob you (of money that technically wasn't even your) and say some "I have to respect him".

Sorry OP, no offense but you just come off as dumb AND a bytch.

I'm not even sure if you read my posts.
Disregarded