Lexapro, Kanye, & Me: Molly Lambert On The Ghosts Of SSRIs
"it was bizarre that none of the prescribing doctors could explain exactly how the Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) worked. The terminology they used was so vague: Your brain makes the happiness neurotransmitter serotonin, and in a person who is depressed or anxious the serotonin gets absorbed back into the brain (where?) too quickly. SSRIs ostensibly slow down the reabsorption process. It was described to me in a way that implied it was too complicated to explain, which also sounds suspiciously like someone who doesn’t fully understand what they’re talking about.
...when the withdrawal really set in. I experienced the phenomenon known as “brain zaps,” which feels something like it sounds — like a chill down the spine but in the brain. I felt crazier than I had ever felt in my life, alternating between feeling terrified of leaving the house and leaving the house and then feeling terrified to be there. I felt scared to be alive, all the time, and lucidly aware of how mentally imbalanced I felt. I self-medicated mostly with bong hits and tried to get back on the Paxil, but it no longer worked. When I told the doctors about the side effects I was experiencing, they essentially told me I was not experiencing anything like that, and I felt like I was dealing with the gaslighting “in on it” doctor from
Rosemary’s Baby.
But hearing Kanye talk about going off his Lexapro, I started to reframe his recent run of Twitter sprees as something other than just record promo...People are afraid to talk about mental health because it’s traumatizing, and nobody wants to be seen as a nut. Like Tony Soprano’s, Kanye’s mental health is wrapped up with his machismo and specific mother issues..."