Adventures In The Army

Shogun

Shogun

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In 2010 I was deployed to a small COP in Laghman Province, Eastern Afghanistan. The whole province was basically tiny city called Methar Lam, and two river valleys along the Alishang and Alingar Rivers that formed a "V", with Methar Lam at the base. There were two roads that followed the rivers, and were even paved for a few miles. The further north you traveled, the more remote it got. They couldnt pave the road any further because Haqqani dudes would attack the construction workers.

Anyway,in June it was time for elections. That shyt sucked, brehs. I was in an infantry scout platoon so we were broken down into two recon teams. For a littler over a week during elections we alternated 12 hours shifts doing mounted patrols by all the polling sites in the province.

One morning we stopped to piss and smoke and what not, and all the sudden we see these two younger guys frantically running and flailing their arms n shyt about a hundred yards off the road :dahell: We instantly think we're about to take fire so we go through the routine...finding cover, calling shyt out, taking sectors of fire, etc. Well, we realized they running from fukking bees :heh: The thing was there was this seemingly old woman (burqa'd up, cant tell) in the bees, and she was struggling. :lupe: At this point I'm standing on the road, lit a smoke, and was watching this go down with my platoon sergeant. We standing there trying to figure out what to do...

"Can't shoot bees" :francis:
"Nope...cant shoot bees" :francis:
"shyt, I cant even touch her :francis:
"Nope...can't touch her" :francis:
"fukk" :lupe:
"fukk" :lupe:

Woman :dead:
 
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Paradise

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Ziggiy said:
So because I had an iPod Touch 64GB and a Bluetooth speaker that I brought to the facility when we cooked, I had 100% control of the music we played. I set aside one hour a day to play non-Hip Hop music for the Cacs that we all affectionately dubbed "Caucasian Hour":russ:, this playlist consisted of Blink 182, Good Charlotte, The Rolling Stones, Cold-Play, Franz Ferdinand, John Mayer, Maroon 5, Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Oasis. I didn't take requests and I didn't allow ANYONE to touch my iPod. If it wasn't by the grace of me, there was no music. After Caucasian Hour, I played straight Hip Hop and R&B ALL DAY, with a little old school soul thrown in.

Henderson had a wife, who followed him around ALL DAY. This chick had NOTHING better else to do but wait OUTSIDE the Dfac for HOURS on a stoop waiting for him to get off. When we worked we could work up to 12-16 hour days and rain, sleet, or snow she'd be right there, on that stoop waiting for him. It was ridiculous.

So one day I decided to play Jay-Z's song Success REAL LOUD. Henderson was walking into the Dfac with his Ball and Chain trotting behind him like a damn puppy. As soon as he goes to kiss her goodbye I pause the music and yell out "HEY HENDERSON!" And as they both turn towards me I start the music up right at the part where Jay yells "LET THAT bytch BREATHE!"

Everybody black person in the Dfac ( dikkinson, Me, Jones, and Pitt. Plus Fitch who loves Hip Hop) BURST out laughing. We're literally on the ground ROLLING. Henderson's wife bursts into tears and runs out the door (RIGHT to that goddamn Stoop!) Henderson runs like a little bytch straight to Sgt Smallwood's office talking about we disrespected his wife by playing disrespectful music.

I'm thinking Sgt Smallwood is gonna give me that WORK, instead he looked Henderson straight in the face with the:martin: and said

"Tell your wife to stay her ass at HOME from now on and maybe your house won't look like dog shyt next time I come inspect it"



Henderson's wife didn't come to the Dfac for the next week:mjlol:
Click to expand...
Hilarious! :russ:
 
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