Ok I'm back lolSo... here's the thing. Discipline doesn't have to be hard, it just has to BE. You could make a point to only watch/ listen to Spanish language media, low effort af, and, in six months, you'll know enough Spanish to follow along at minimum. Dieting doesn't have to be hard, it just has to BE. Switch the shytty food out for healthy food that is well- seasoned, filling, and delicious. Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. You have a choice in what you allow into your environment.
To that end, it is unnatural, anti- family, and anti-mental health for men to be sitting on IG all day looking at bytches, or steady at the strip club, or any of this weird sex addict type shyt. It confuses the mind and body in myriad ways, as bad as too much porn. Stop comparing your car to his, your bytch to his, pick right or don't, and sit down somewhere and raise these bad ass kids. Comparison is the thief of joy. (This obviously goes for women too, if not more.)
Lastly, ALL relationships are work. I have to call my mother everyday or she starts calling my neighbors to make sure we still alive in here.I don't keep too many friends cuz bytches wanna group chat all gd day and I'm unwilling to do that work. Etc. Are the men you know complaining about the work required to maintain other relationships? Or is it just their wives? Are they scared to voice complaints? Do they know the basic tools of handling conflict in a healthy way? Do their wives?
I lol'd bc that's the same exact thing he said before he met me! Still loves his time alone tho, and I 'give' it to him. We be in our respective offices all day, might speak three times.
There was a period in our lives when we spent a lot of time at the Borgata in Atlantic City. We don't gamble, though I did enjoy the outlets and stores. We went bc of a particular chef. The Borgata has(/ had?) a lot of Chinese high rollers, so the restaurant was actually on the casino floor, by the roulette tables or something. Anyway, we liked the chef so much because of his intense focus. Watching him cook was like watching somebody perform tai chi, just beautiful, and the quality of the food proved his skill. So good, you could eat it cold. You could tell that he loved and was possibly obsessed by his work, the transmutation of common ingredients into multi- sensory art was his life path.
I say all that to say, that's essentially my man. Black, of course, but just as intensely focused on his path. He literally never chased bytches in his life. That's not even a thing he would spend time on. He fukked when he wanted to and sent they ass home. I wouldn't have believed it myself but, bc that's kinda my type (intense, focused on a larger goal), I'm familiar with the behavior. What it means is, I do sometimes feel like he's cheating on me... with his work. I'm forced to stay on my toes- physically, sexually, even intellectually- just to pull him away. (Incidentally, this is a great basis for a relationship, an organic push-pull, also proof of the maxim that you should stay on your grind and the bytches will present themselves.)
In the post you quoted, I only used "we" for observable facts (that we knew our life paths young and that we're both devoted to the same thing). When I asked those questions (decades ago, lol), he was insulted. Not fake insulted where he's just trynna throw me off the scent but truly insulted like, do I seem like a liar to you? (Cuz I pressed.) I had no circumstantial evidence, no funny behavior or missing time, his phone stayed unlocked, I took him at his word for the time being. If he was lying, it would show itself. (It has not.) Back then, he was still working in the office and, as a young finance breh, attractive, Ivy educated, nice suits, nice watch, I know for a fact he had many offers. White bytches are absolute degenerates. But, unless they had a ticker stuck to their forehead, he literally was not even thinking about them hoes.
On god and my mama, I never even caught him glancing at random ass.He does watch porn, but I snuck and looked and all of them look like me (brown and slim thick, pleasant surprise, ngl). He's like a monk... a monk who, shockingly, be fukking the shyt out of me, like, it don't even make no sense. I be somewhat offended, like no this nikka did not just do all that and then get right up, quick shower/ espresso, and get on the desk.
I must have been a saint in a past life for I am well and truly blessed.
Do I think he's happy? That's what he claims, but I don't trust words, so I'll use external confirmation: he's the brooding type generally but the people who know him best, his boys, close fam, have noted over the years how he looks at me, that he smiles and looks happy, 'like I'm his best and favorite thing' (one of his aunts said that, weirdly, at a funeral).
So yes, a marriage is a discipline because its challenging. It's always going to be a challenge.
It's a challenge in self control. It's a challenge because it's always hard to bring people together for a common goal. It's a challenge because men and women are different.
With all those challenges, marriages is inherently difficult.
You Said you've been married for like 20+yrs and you're saying marriage doesn't have to be hard.
That's surprising.
That goes back to what I said before.... The Internet and reality is different because now we're in the Internet saying that relationships aren't hard.
We just make'em hard. Lol
And now we're saying dieting isnt hard, you just gotta put some seasoning on your brussel sprouts and not eat that good looking chocolate fudge cake over there... Not hard at all.
Ok.... I got it
So now... The point about looking at porn, ig bytches, going to strip clubs, being a p*ssy hound. This is one of the biggest points a try to get straight. Men get wives as a way to gain self control, but this is something men should achieve without having a woman.
Watching porn and everything else, is definitely as degenerative as you say it is...
But people think if you don't have a wife, you're busy spending your time consuming these things. This is untrue...
Usually the men who are married tend to be the horniest, thirstiest nikkaz I've ever seen because they have to put on a constant front... And they can't just go out and get some new p*ssy, whenever they desire.
I can have consistent sex with 1, or go out and find something new. Or abstain from sex all together. Having options keeps a man from doing unpredictable and self destructive things. You ever notice how most the dudes who are in the headlines for degenerative sexual shyt are usually married men?
WORK... If relationships don't have to be hard like you said before... Then you wouldn't have use the word "work" to describe it. Lol
You are definitely right. It is work.
This is personally my main reason for not having a GF or wife.
We already have real work that we have to go to and get paid to do
Nobody should want to come home to more work.
So we try to limit things that are creating extra hurdles and challenges. We should not want to add things that create more work.
The relationships with our friends are low effort. But even those relationships can sometime become too much "work" to maintain.
You can just take a break from those, no problem.
You said you "give" your man chances to have his space... To get a break.
That's the thing.
As a grown man, he has to be "given" some time to himself or he has to put in a request. Lol
And those times when he wants a break but you want to be with him, he just has to compromise.
But if he likes it and it works... Cool.
Now let's get to the nitty gritty lol
The fact that you say he doesn't glance at females in your presence, that's believable. You're with him and that's out of respect.
But if you're telling me he doesn't look at other women at all, then again... Rat poison in your food lol
And you're saying he told you he's never thought about being sexual with another woman.
But he watches porn, which is other women getting fukked.
Those porn bytches look like you, cool.. there's other women walking around that look like you too.
(I hate being "that guy" but I feel like I'm cookin' right now lol)
If you told me he was a virgin or abstinent, waiting for marriage. Then I would have just said, cool... Bro is just a different kinda dude.
She got herself a cornball, but that's what's up. Cornballs a great dudes.
But he sounds like a regular bro to me.
fukkin bytches, kickin' them out.
"Never chasing chix""
He likes p*ssy like the rest of us.
My kinda guy.
He gets with you and he makes you feel like hes treating you different than all the other ones.
I fux with it.
And as long as he is making you feel that way, then he's doing his job.
That's all that matters... Doesn't matter what the reality may be....
It only matters what you feel and think about him and y'all relationship.
He would be proud to see the things you wrote about him... I fux with it
I would actually love to know what benefit he sees in being in a relationship with you. And I would ask him does he not think he could get those same benefits without actually being in a committed relationship.
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