In two years basically it would be twenty years and I can't even say my father was alive for a fifth of my life because I did the math if I'm born the third week of January and he died the second week of May then I was really four unfortunately the worse part is all my memories of him are in mute and all the home videos we would film is you can't ever hear him and there's always a loud sound going over his voice I don't remember his voice at all my sister who was 1 and half probably doesn't remember him at all
To be honest it made me cynical in a lot of ways looking back peiplp tried to help but it never made things any better I remember my mother and I went to this kind of support group of people who lost a parent that was held at a church and it made things worse I remember they had us make a pillow with a letter to our dead loved ones and on the face of the pillow we got a picture of all of us together it hurt more
At the present time the things that hurt the most is the fact that he wasn't around for so much like my sister going to Prom or just me becoming a man like I have older cousins but like I've stated before when a man starts a family you got to move on because bthe have to be there for the family they created
My father was a provider in the truest since of the word and looking back he was too kind basically providing for his older sisters, his older brother, his friends, his cousins, his friends, his godkids, us, my mother, his Co workers
He would do this thing where he would look you in the eye and say " you good" while putting 200 in someone hands at the minimum
I got a lot of things from him some that has blessed me and some that had cursed me