Being in your 30s with no kids and not being married puts you in a strange place.

[Kenyan West]

32. No kids, not flabby and sick, good gig, etc.

Throughout my twenties, I drunkenly did the party life thing while learning slowly how to be the confident/charming man I am today after a shyt load of embarrassing trial and error.

I didn't really come in my own with women until my late twenties and I thank my lucky stars that I didn't slip up and impregnate some piss poor thot early like my friends. Having children in my twenties would have been a disaster and I laugh in the face of any person who go full "you don't want to be a old daddddyyyy!!" on me.

I used to be jealous of their lives in our twenties and I now realize that they may have wives now, they may have kids, but these nikkas ain't really that happy.

They're hella restricted, hella bored and cheat on their wives at the drop of a hat.

To be fair though, some guy in this thread said that men over thirty without children or a solid stable chick are often depressed in some way, and I can admit that that can be true.

I have all these toys (pause) and disposable income. I can binge watch shows every day or play video games to my hearts content. I can go to random shows or happy hour or travel at the drop of a hat. I can meet a new woman and play house for a couple days/weeks.

But real shyt, some of my darkest moments in life came from not ever having a quality woman who gets me. Coming home to noone. Being with someone that I truly care about in public and not just some chick who's throat I fukk with reckless abandon and chuck like trash.

When you're 30+ and "got it together," you just can't help but raise your standards. And youll quickly discover that 80% of women who throw themselves at you ain't up to par. Especially in their thirties.

Im not going to delude myself.. Even though I'll never be flabby and sick or broke, I'm scared of the man I'll become if I reach 35+ in the same predicament. I assume that by then the darkness will fully consume me and I'll make some decisions that will be very detrimental to my existence.

In the past two months, I've been on more dates than I've ever been on in my life. Don't get me wrong, the bachelor lifestyle is great, but I recommend that we all have an exit plan in the back of our minds at all times.

 

[rosie93]

No one wants to say it but.....It makes you selfish usually.


Like you get to a point where you are only use to providing and doing what you want for you when you want to do it.



Now that might not be the case totally if you have love ones to look over or kind of handle and take care of, but if you legit on your own and doing your own thing without worrying about how something is going to make someone else feel, if you such and such needs anything, who needs money for what....yeah you become self center low key, a lot of times in way's you don't notice.

What about people that want to take care of their elderly parents with all the disposable income/ time that they have?

 

[Rozay Oro]

My dad telling me I should get married and shyt this nikka even said a mans main focus should be finding a woman, not money ....have a simp for a dad brehs

does mama run the house?

 

[Eastside Get The Money]

It can

I'm kinda in a similar situation now. I'm in a new city and it's lowkey hard to find friends or even people to associate with. I'm 27 no kids. I really don't want to hang with the college kids even though I'm only a few years removed, and I don't have the daycare/school/summer camp angle with the kids to be forced to find people to be friends with.

What's yall advice for finding new people besides tinder?

 

[rosie93]

[QUOTE="techlife95, post: 27851287, member: 31510"]I am 22 almost 23 years old never had a job in my life. OP we all start somewhere. Comparasion is the theft of joy. Everybody works at their different pace in Life. Comparing yourself to other people is not good Society says you "should" be married by 30. Who cares what society says [/QUOTE]
Breh I'm sorry but you really need to fix this . Not judging but you could have joined the military straight out of highschool, gotten a rate like OS (has 100 percent advancement) and saved up at least 50k. Don't forget free college.

 

[rosie93]

No hate, but what type of award nikkas want for bein 30 wit no kids and livin it up. That's not doin nothin special, your not adding nothin to the world you just been cautious enough to look out for yourself. I don't blame you because the way the world is now most families end up turning into ugly situations and the man is usually the one who loses the most. The experience of being a parent of a life you created is beautiful. To think "another year" at this age I think is a little strange because...... we was made to reproduce brehs.

The cognitive dissonance

 

[tuckgod]

Once people find out that you're over 30, no kids and not married, they'll tend to try to find ways to bring you in the land of misery. Folks out here lying like having kids is a walk in the park and marriage is the best thing ever. Live life on your own terms.

I mean, that's a selfish way to look at it.

Problem is, it seems like folks is content with trying to live their 20s forever.

At some point, IMO you're supposed to find a mate, create a stable union and family structure to raise children in, then raise them within the culture, traditions, and value set agreed upon by you and your mate, with the hopes of y'all together nurturing them into responsible, disciplined, stable, productive, family oriented adults, that will carry on your family name with honor, when you and your mate are no longer able to.

As someone that's been married for 13 years, with 5 children, marriage and fatherhood have been far from a walk in the park, but that's not what I got into it for in the first place.

I knew giving up a piece of myself, and dealing with the growing pains of my wife also giving up a piece of herself, for us to jointly create this family would be anything but easy, and I welcomed the challenge head on.

Looking back, I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Being a husband and father gives you a sense of focus and purpose that you will not find as a single man.

You can fool yourself into thinking that your career, toys, and social status are enough, but you will eventually find yourself looking back at all your accomplishments and conquests with an empty feeling, because that's ultimately not what you're here for.

You're here to share your life experiences with a mate, spread your wisdom to your seeds, and raise them with the tools necessary to keep this muthafukka going.

 

[GoldenGlove]

Right you have more energy but it sounds like you just haven't gotten more hip to the game of life as you've gotten older. I just don't understand because I feel like mentally I grow way more than I lose energy. My 35 year old self will be 10x the father my 25 year old self because Ima just have that much better leader/mentorship skills. It's like not even a comparison.

What

 

[GoldenGlove]

Theme song for this thread


Last verse potent and true as fukk

 

[Youseenmywork]

I mean, that's a selfish way to look at it.

Problem is, it seems like folks is content with trying to live their 20s forever.

At some point, IMO you're supposed to find a mate, create a stable union and family structure to raise children in, then raise them within the culture, traditions, and value set agreed upon by you and your mate, with the hopes of y'all together nurturing them into responsible, disciplined, stable, productive, family oriented adults, that will carry on your family name with honor, when you and your mate are no longer able to.

As someone that's been married for 13 years, with 5 children, marriage and fatherhood have been far from a walk in the park, but that's not what I got into it for in the first place.

I knew giving up a piece of myself, and dealing with the growing pains of my wife also giving up a piece of herself, for us to jointly create this family would be anything but easy, and I welcomed the challenge head on.

Looking back, I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Being a husband and father gives you a sense of focus and purpose that you will not find as a single man.

You can fool yourself into thinking that your career, toys, and social status are enough, but you will eventually find yourself looking back at all your accomplishments and conquests with an empty feeling, because that's ultimately not what you're here for.

You're here to share your life experiences with a mate, spread your wisdom to your seeds, and raise them with the tools necessary to keep this muthafukka going.

I disagree I'm 33 I'm single and the option of getting married and having kids is there. If it happens fine if not fine. I'm more focused cause it just me and I want to be the best man I can possible be. I don't believe a women makes me better or brings the best out of me ...i do that. I disagree cause self betterment is important to me more so than chasing a bunch of feminized women. I beleive you can have the same focuse as a man with children and a wife even if you dont have things. What kind of man any man wants to be should be left of to men themselves.

It will never be a time were I think I'm lesser because I dont have a wife or children. As a black male all I care about is being the best Renaissance Man I can be and taken care of my mental health in this wilderness we call america.

 

[tuckgod]

I disagree I'm 33 I'm single and the option of getting married and having kids is there. If it happens fine if not fine. I'm more focused cause it just me and I want to be the best man I can possible be. I don't believe a women makes me better or brings the best out of me ...i do that. I disagree cause self betterment is important to me more so than chasing a bunch of feminized women. I beleive you can have the same focuse as a man with children and a wife even if you dont have things. What kind of man any man wants to be should be left of to men themselves.

It will never be a time were I think I'm lesser because I dont have a wife or children. As a black male all I care about is being the best Renaissance Man I can be and taken care of my mental health in this wilderness we call america.

Keep this same energy when you're 60.

 

[Youseenmywork]

Keep this same energy when you're 60.

Will do !

 

[shutterguy]

Once people find out that you're over 30, no kids and not married, they'll tend to try to find ways to bring you in the land of misery. Folks out here lying like having kids is a walk in the park and marriage is the best thing ever. Live life on your own terms.

I have had it happen.

No one wants to say it but.....It makes you selfish usually.


Like you get to a point where you are only use to providing and doing what you want for you when you want to do it.



Now that might not be the case totally if you have love ones to look over or kind of handle and take care of, but if you legit on your own and doing your own thing without worrying about how something is going to make someone else feel, if you such and such needs anything, who needs money for what....yeah you become self center low key, a lot of times in way's you don't notice.

I can easily see the bolded happen, I got into a relationship with a single mother, I had been pretty much to myself and independent for awhile. At times she felt I didn't need her due to me taking care of what I needed for myself without a 2nd thought. It was always the little things with her that made her feel some type of way. She was used to being needed by a s/o, a lot of times I did what I had to do and kept it moving.

At this point I am over 30, single with no kids, they are definitely not on the radar for the future. I think peoples views of someone at the point in their life like me has changed as society has changed. One poster mentioned as you get older, it may be difficult to change your ways to settle down with someone, I partially agree with that. I do enjoy my freedom right now of being able to come and go without checking with someone. I do agree it is important to keep a female social circle available so you are not so out of touch with socializing with the opposite sex, something that the newer generation does so little of.

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

I mean, that's a selfish way to look at it.

Problem is, it seems like folks is content with trying to live their 20s forever.

At some point, IMO you're supposed to find a mate, create a stable union and family structure to raise children in, then raise them within the culture, traditions, and value set agreed upon by you and your mate, with the hopes of y'all together nurturing them into responsible, disciplined, stable, productive, family oriented adults, that will carry on your family name with honor, when you and your mate are no longer able to.

As someone that's been married for 13 years, with 5 children, marriage and fatherhood have been far from a walk in the park, but that's not what I got into it for in the first place.

I knew giving up a piece of myself, and dealing with the growing pains of my wife also giving up a piece of herself, for us to jointly create this family would be anything but easy, and I welcomed the challenge head on.

Looking back, I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Being a husband and father gives you a sense of focus and purpose that you will not find as a single man.

You can fool yourself into thinking that your career, toys, and social status are enough, but you will eventually find yourself looking back at all your accomplishments and conquests with an empty feeling, because that's ultimately not what you're here for.

You're here to share your life experiences with a mate, spread your wisdom to your seeds, and raise them with the tools necessary to keep this muthafukka going.

That’s all bullshyt

 

[Captain Crunch]

Low key a humble brag thread but I feel you breh.